AITA for getting my friend’s parents to disown her and telling her that I support their decision 100%?
A person told her friend’s parents that the friend, Brenda, is dating a man who abandoned his child and supports the idea of avoiding child support. The parents became concerned, causing a rift between them and Brenda. They reportedly cut her out of significant financial support, though exact details are unclear.
When Brenda blamed the original poster for the fallout, the OP replied with a sarcastic twist on Brenda’s own logic: “his life, his choice, his wallet, his choice.” read the original story below…
‘ AITA for getting my friend’s parents to disown her and telling her that I support their decision 100%?’
My friend “Brenda” is dating this guy, “Brad”. Brad has a daughter whom he abandoned at birth, and is currently paying 8% of his monthly salary for as child support.
Brenda is extremely supportive of Brad’s decision and always complains that he should not even pay child support because if it’s “her body, her choice” then it should also be “his life, his choice” and “his wallet, his choice”. She supports him 100% and she also never plans on having children.
Personally, I am extremely against child a**ndonment, regardless of gender, hence why I we are not as close as we used to be. She is aware of this, as I’ve backed out as a friend before on a common friend that decided to be a long term mistress for a married man,
and she knows my morals, and that there are certain people I just would prefer not to be around, so I don’t think Brenda’s shocked, I don’t think she cared much because she found the love of her life. (but this post is not asking about having boundaries, denying relationship…etc and things of that nature)
However, I am still extremely close to her family because we are family friends. As more time went on, her family felt weirded out that I’m not as active with Brenda as I used to and asked me about it. This is where I might’ve been the AH because it lead to a lot of things.
I was honest and told them why and they were shocked. They were worried that this guy will abandon Brenda to be a single mother if she were to get pregnant. I assured them that it won’t happen because Brenda made it clear that she doesn’t plan on ever becoming a mother.
Anyways, after this, apparently, her father went to confirm if what I said was true or not. After getting an affirmative answer, it strained the relationship between Brenda and him. And he would eventually practically put her off from his will. I’m not sure the details, Brenda tells people that she’s cut off.
Her family claims that it’s not true, it’s just that Brenda is not getting anything from dad that’s worth much money anymore. Though I’m not certain if it has anything to do with her position in parenthood, dating choices, and the fact that she don’t want children, it probably does (maybe along with other reasons I’m not aware of).
I personally believe the family members that are watching from the side more than Brenda. Anyways, this is also where I might be the AH, Brenda is extremely upset and indirectly blames it on me, and complain about how unfair it is and how her father has a responsibility to her…etc. I felt bad for her so I don’t really care much.
But eventually, as she kept it going, I flipped and replied that it’s “my life, my choice”, I can give my words to whoever I want. And I support him 100% and that it is “his life his choice, his wallet, his choice”. He’s just doing what she supports. Brenda became extremely upset and pissed.. AITA?
Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:
WishIwasawiserman − Why do people believe they have the right to deceive family to avoid repercussions? If your friend were truly confident in her behavior, proud of the choices and character of her partner, then the consequences would be a small price to pay.
She isn’t, and so she hid the reality of both their behavior to avoid losing support. While it’s nice to think parental support is unconditional, it isn’t. People don’t like being deceived, especially when the reasons are materialistic and s**fish.
Never mind that they withdrew financial privilege, not their emotional support. There is a difference. However, with regard to your behavior, you were put in a difficult position. This was a no win situation, by any reasonable measure. NTA.
anothertypicalcmmnt − This is a sticky situation, but I do think ESH . I think Brenda sounds like an A H over the child support thing. I also think that in general, telling other people’s plans or lack of plans for parenthood is wrong.
It’s a very personal choice that may have all kinds of reasons that you are or aren’t privy too, and so it’s best to keep such things to yourself.
Living-Assumption272 − YTA. You had no business telling them any of her business. You may claim that you have the high ground due to your “morals” but you’re an AH nonetheless.
saintandvillian − NTA. Her parents asked and you answered. I’m assuming Brenda never asked you to stay silent. Besides which, if Brenda truly believes in her convictions regarding money and bodily autonomy then surely she‘s been honest about her beliefs and her intentions with her family.
It is mighty funny that her boyfriend’s money is his money but her dad’s money is \*her\* money. Brenda sounds like trash.
The_Sugarblade − Info: Wait, her dad “…has a responsibility to her…”? I thought you got to bail out of being a dad whenever you want? I’m confused.
Ebechops − YTA- Honestly, I can see their point of view, he consented to s**, not a lifetime of parenthood, but in the end he IS paying, he’s not avoiding it by working under the table. He is meeting his financial responsibilities.
You don’t approve of him not feeling able to be a proper father, that’s your business, and it should have stayed that way. As to telling her family about it and that she’s childfree, likely she didn’t tell them because they’d be on her case to change her mind, ans change his mind, and have his daughter in their lives.
You got her disinherited and lost her her family over something you had no right to meddle in.
REES_SPEAKS − Yta, there was no need to get into a mud slinging contest. All you had to say is that you have different views and grew apart.
_no_balls_allowed_ − Yta. So you’re “backing out” of friendship with her and then running your judgemental mouth to her family about her and her bf’s business.
lmmontes − Info: Ever consider that his kid might be better off without him?
Did the OP overstep by sharing personal opinions with Brenda’s parents, or was it justified? What’s your opinion? Share your thoughts below!
