AITA for getting my dad a watch?

The user and their brother purchased a luxury watch for their dad for Father’s Day, partly because their sister Ashley had previously stolen and sold their dad’s old watch. During a BBQ, Ashley, who arrived with her new boyfriend, expressed disappointment for not being informed about the watch and offered to chip in.

The user responded that Ashley should replace the stolen watch instead, leading her to cry and leave. Their mom was upset, wishing for more family harmony. read the original story below…

‘ AITA for getting my dad a watch? ‘

My brother James and I went in halfsies to get my dad a luxury watch for Father’s Day. A few years back, our d**g-addict sister Ashley stole our dad’s watch and sold it. Ashley is in recovery but still difficult to deal with, and we hardly see her.

We are having a BBQ at my parents’ house, and my dad wanted to show off his new smoker. He made brisket and ribs. Who shows up with her new boyfriend, Ashley. Not someone my brother and I wanted to see.

Things stay civilized until we give Dad his gift, and Ashley looks sheepish about it because she got this dumb teddy bear from CVS down the road. In front of her new boyfriend, Ashley asked us “why we hadn’t told her we were going in together on the watch and she said she would have loved to chip in.”

James was mad and tells her loudly, “You should have bought Dad a new watch by now since you stole the last one.” Ashley turned to me upset and said she couldn’t afford it right now, and she would pay us for 1/3 of the watch in payment so it could be from all of us.

I told her, “ I can’t be from all of us. We already gave it to Dad, but you can get him one by yourself and replace the one you stole.” Ashley start crying and they left after that.

My mom seemed angry because she wants us to all to forgive Ashley and we should have gave her a heads up about getting dad a watch because she would have never asked Ashley to come if that’s what we got him to avoid the “awkwardness”

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

K8Reddit −  ESH. If you want your sister to stay clean, you and your brother should probably stop throwing her lowest moments back in her face, especially when she’s trying to contribute/do better. You could have made your point in a much kinder way (e.g., This is a sore subject for us. Please drop it.) Instead you decided to maximize the tension, on Father’s Day no less.

owls_and_cardinals −  Hm I’ll go NTA but you and James are borderline, for me. I think she behaved inappropriately by addressing this so awkwardly, in a group setting, and by seeming so blind to the obvious background here that she STOLE your father’s watch.

She seems like she’s still struggling somewhat with reckoning with her own actions. This wasn’t *just* a nice gift that you and James went in on together, you were replacing something that she stole, so it’s a really odd ‘solution’ that she’d think she can just go in on the gift with you – especially after the fact.

You are right that the proper thing would have been for her to replace the watch herself, or to sit quietly and not criticize you in this moment that you and James bought him a new one. **Stealing a watch and then reimbursing someone else for 1/3 of the replacement is not enough, and it’s not a gift.**

Sea-Tea-4130 −  NTA-You all never thought to go in on a gift together & quite frankly Ashley should have been good with the gift she bought your dad. You and your brother did great to get him a gift. Sounds like Ashley don’t have much $ to work with.

Your brother & you didn’t have to bring up the past; however, it’s the truth and Ashley has to own her actions no matter how s**tty they were. And to your mom, forgiveness doesn’t exempt Ashley from making amends or having consequences for her behaviour.

FornowWearefine −  NTA Ashley may be in recovery but she has not made appropriate amends or accepted the consequences of her actions. You did not have to mean to her you could have just said no this is from us and you have given him a present from yourself.

Obviously you are still hurt by her previous actions and may need to get some therapy to help you recover from the damage she imposed. This does not mean that she gets no consequence and if your mother has any idea of how you and brother feel she should have warned you about her coming.

[Reddit User] −  Arrghh, my daughter was a druggie, she’s stolen everything of value. My jewelry, her daughters jewelry, cameras etc., but whose feelings are we supposed to worry about? The one who didn’t give a rats ass about ours. I got fed up last time she tried acting offended. I looked her in the eye and said “Right, because you’ve never stolen anything from me.”

Dyerwood −  NTA, you guys didn’t bring the subject up she did. Even if you did want to give her a heads up about the watch no one apparently told you that she was even going to be at the gathering.

FairyCompetent −  NTA. Ashley and your mom need to recognize that past hurts don’t just go away. Trust and respect have to be earned back over time.

CertainPlatypus9108 −  Nta. Good for you. The family of addicts suffer so much

Superb-Forever9619 −  NTA – her fault for pretending she would have chipped in for it…

Left-coastal −  NTA. She’s the t**ef but she’s gonna play the victim? Nah. Addiction is awful and so hard to experience but part of recovery is owning up to your mistakes.

Was the user justified in their response to Ashley, or did they handle the situation poorly? What do you think? Share your thoughts below!