AITA for getting mad at my husband because he laughed when I told him to reheat his own dinner?

A stay-at-home mom shares her frustration with her husband, an ambulance driver, who expects her to wake up and reheat his meals, even after she prepared everything in advance. After refusing to do so one night, he got angry, accusing her of being petty and leaving him to go hungry. Now, she’s wondering if she overreacted. Read the full story below to weigh in.

‘ AITA for getting mad at my husband because he laughed when I told him to reheat his own dinner?’

For context_ I’m a sahm with 2 kids (3yrs old & 6months old) My husband is an ambulance driver, he works odd hours and comes home unexpectedly, he expects dinner or lunch ready whenever he gets home, whether I’m sleeping or busy with the kids. It’s exhausting but do it because I know how hard he works.

After struggling with this for long, my mom suggested that I start pre-making meals so that dinner or lunch can be ready when he’s home, all he’s gotta do is just reheat it. I immediately got to it and went grocery shopping and spent an entire 2 days making meals and storing them in the fridge. His response to this idea is “whatever”. I was sort of relieved cause now I could sleep properly, the kids care won’t get interrupted etc.

Well, at 11pm last night, he comes home while I’m sleeping after putting the baby to sleep. I wake up to him shouting for me from the livingroom. I rush out and ask what was happening and he tells me he’s hungry and wants dinner. I tell him it’s in the fridge and just needs to be reheated and he didn’t have to wake me up for it. He tells me I need to go reheat it for him.

I say no, not happening and he needs to reheat his own dinner. He starts laughing sarcastically which got me mad. He then tells me I’m ridiculous to assume that after working no stop for an entire shift that he should be “expected” to do a chore aka reheat dinner himself, when I’m here and I can do it. I start arguing with him after he complains I’m not doing enough and refuse to reheat it then I go back inside the bedroom and shut the door.

He comes an hour later yelling about how I’ve basically made him almost pass out from hunger just cause I’m petty trying to prove a point, I tell him he’s being unreasonable to expect me to reheat his dinner when he could do it himself. He gives me a n**ty look then tells me he’s going to bed hungry and I’m responsible for this then heads out. This morning he silently gets dressed and leaves while turning his phone off.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

CTDV8R −  OP. NTA. STOP 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩. This is not about food. This is about control, this is about respect. This is not something you’re going to be able to handle on your own, you and your husband need neutral professional assistance to navigate this discussion. The behavior your husband is demonstrating is absolutely atrocious, it is disrespectful and unloving.

What is your dynamic that he feels it’s acceptable to be yelling where he could wake up children? And why does he feel it’s acceptable to yell from a different room to wake you up? This is the behavior of a child not a full grown adult nor a respectful adult.

If everything you said is true then I have to ask why are you in this relationship? He’s yelling from another room throwing a hissy fit to wake everybody up in the house and get attention? Then he’s punishing himself and won’t eat in the name of being angry with you?

I do not recommend trying to have these conversations with him because you are both going to lose it, but if this is going to be a long-term permanent relationship for you you need help because this type of behavior does not improve on its own.

Edit: Thank you so much for the awards and the upvotes, You get enough trips around the sun and eventually you figure things out, hoping somebody else will take your advice and not have to learn the hard way.

OP… Please take strength in all of the people that are weighing in here on all of the comments to your post, they all want to help you. If you haven’t realized it by now….

OP This is not about you, this is about him and his issues.

OP if you get a minute we’d love you to give us an update and let us know what you’re thinking, we’re here for you

basketballwife −  Oh honey. This is abuse. Please seek out support. Just because he isn’t hitting you doesn’t mean he is treating you appropriately. He is a full grown adult, and he can make and heat his own food. If he doesn’t like it he can move back in with his mother. I hope you make a plan and leave.

[Reddit User] −  I’m going to be straight with you. Reading your post gave me chills to my stomach and triggered me into what I thought was healed trauma. You’re NTA. Not even one tiny bit. You’re a GOOD woman.

[Reddit User] −  Edit: I am getting a lot of comments saying that this advice is too blunt because the situation is abusive. OP, judge your safety and decide what’s best for you. NTA. Here’s a script if you want to use it: “Hey husband, we need to talk about what happened last night. I have a few things to say and I don’t want to be interrupted.

“From now on you will sort out your own meals. I will not be lifting a finger to sort out breakfast, lunch or dinner. You are a grown man and you will do it yourself. Especially after how you treated me. I will not be changing my mind.

“Secondly, you will be doing your fair share of work around the house. You live here too and looking after two young children is not a holiday. You will have to do chores. I am happy to do most, but not all.

“Thirdly, I need an apology from you for yelling at me and waking me up purely to put your food in the microwave. This was absolutely disgusting behavior from you and we’re not moving on from this unless you realize this and apologize.” And yes, threaten to leave him. Save your “oMg ReDdiT aNd dIvOrCe” comments. I don’t care.

Ok-Top-6572 −  NTA and I’m so upset and angry on your behalf. 6 months means no sleep and broken nights, still being milk on tap, no clothes fitting still, and wild hormones. A 3 year old means getting no rest during the day even when the baby sleeps because 3 year olds +do not stop+. Both together means no privacy, no space, constant touch, constant shouting, and complete exhaustion. You’re doing amazingly to do what you have.

He is unreasonable. Utterly. This is not fair, healthy or good behaviour. It is utterly dismissive of what you’re doing, shows no care or consideration towards you and is completely selfish. Depending on your relationship you could try and talk to him about how tired you are, what you do because he might not realise.

If you’re more of a “show don’t tell” and can trust him to pull his finger out, go away for a weekend without the kids when he’s off so he can feel what it’s like and then have a talk. If neither of these are possible, then take the children and go and stay with your mother (or another family member) if possible.

That’ll give you some space to work out what you want, and someone to help you so you’re not alone. I’m so sorry he’s treating you like this, and congratulations on your baby.

Samael13 −  NTA and his response to you is deeply troubling/scary. Screaming and emotional manipulation is very abusive behavior. He’s responsible for going to bed hungry, not you. He’s responsible for ignoring your labor and that you also need sleep. I hope you have a good support network in place; his behavior is scary and you may want to have somewhere to go if it escalates and he doesn’t get himself under control.

[Reddit User] −  Girl, I got news. You’re in an abusive relationship.. NTA

oldcreaker −  NTA: tonight tell him to reheat last night’s dinner first. You’re a partner, not a servant. And he’s treating you worse than a servant, they get time to sleep.

[Reddit User] −  NTA. OP…. You need to leave this man. He has no regard for your well being or the work you do at home. And the waking you up to feed him dinner is straight out of the 1950s. Talk to your mother. Make a plan, and get out of this relationship. It’s only going to get worse as he becomes more selfish and entitled.

adultier-adult −  NTA. My 17 year old son just got a part time job after school. He regularly comes home around 8-9pm and reheats his dinner. This is a bigger issue than microwaving some food.

Do you think the husband was being unreasonable for expecting his wife to get up and reheat his dinner, or did she take things too far by refusing? How should couples handle these types of responsibilities in a balanced way? Share your thoughts and advice in the comments!