AITA for forcing my son to use a bidet and threatening to talk to his friends or take him to the doctor about his underwear
A father discovered that his 14-year-old son wasn’t wiping properly and was leaving his underwear in an unacceptable condition. After multiple attempts to get him to improve his hygiene, the father installed a bidet in the bathroom and threatened to embarrass his son in front of his friends or take him to a doctor. The son felt humiliated, and the mother suggested the father should wait until she’s better to address it. Read the full story below.
‘ AITA for forcing my son to use a bidet and threatening to talk to his friends or take him to the doctor about his underwear’
For some reason my 14 year old son cannot wipe properly. This was never a concern to me as his mom did the laundry. Unfortunately she is sick right now so I have taken over the household chores that she used to handle. My son is still responsible for his and I do mine as well as hers.
First day I did laundry I gagged and almost puked from his underwear. If he were three and not fully potty trained I might understand how they end up like this. But he is a healthy young man. He should not be leaving his ass this unwiped.
I talked to him about it and he said he would make an effort to do a better job. Nope. No change in the situation. So I went to the hardware store and installed a wand bidet in the bathroom he uses. We already have one in ours. I told him that he has a choice of either using the bidet or washing his own underwear. He doesn’t know how to use the washing machine and he refuses to do them by hand.
He started going commando. Which just meant the problem was his jeans now. So I said that we might need to take him to the doctor to see what is wrong with him. If it’s physical or psychological. I also said that the next time his friends were over I was going to ask them is they left their underwear in the same condition.
I WOULD NEVER ACTUALLY EMBARRASS HIM LIKE THAT. He said I was being an a**hole and he called his mom to tell her what I was doing. She said that he was just like that and I could deal with it until she was better. I don’t think that’s a great plan. If this kid never learns to wipe his ass he will be bereft of a s**ual partner without a poop fetish.
I’m not kinkshaming him if that’s his thing. He has started using the bidet but he says that it is gross and weird. I said it was grosser and weirder for a 14 year old to crap his pants every day. We are both stressed about his mom but this situation isn’t because of her. I asked her.
Here’s what Redditors had to say:
SecretJealous4342 − NTA. 14 is a little late in life to be learning how to clean your b**t after using the toilet. Your wife is doing him no favors by allowing and coddling this behaviour.
[Reddit User] − NTA. You also need to tell him eventually, if it’s not happening already… other kids might start smelling it. Ask him if he even knows how to actually wipe? Maybe you need to show him how to properly do it.. if he’s 14 and can’t manage it maybe he wasn’t taught the correct way.
ellbeecee − NTA for the bidet thing. But kind of TA for never realizing your son had an issue. Didn’t he stink? Were you just never in the same room as him? Also, teach him to wash his b**t in the shower too.
-QueefLatina- − I’m not going to pass judgment here, but I do want you to know that you should maybe get it checked out at the doctor. One of my cousins was having the same problem (they were around 10 at the time) and my aunt and uncle were at their wits end with it.
Turns out he had some kind of a bowel obstruction, and it wasn’t that he wasn’t wiping thoroughly, it was that the poop was always just there trying to get out. Once the problem was sorted out, he never had issues with it again. Also, your son is old enough to do his own laundry. You’re not doing him any favors by not teaching him how.
cherralily − NTA. Its hilarious that he finds the bidet gross but the s**t stain in his clothes isn’t? 😂
blanktom9 − INFO: What kind of crazy ass washing machine do you have that a 14 year old can’t learn how to use it? Edit: FYI, I was asking about the crazy-ass “washing machine”. Not the crazy “ass-washing machine.”
-Breaker_Of_Worlds- − NTA – we went through a very similar issue with my stepson at the same age. He always had a little problem with wiping, but it got really bad around 13/14. I know this is extreme, but in our case, there was a history of s**ual abuse that was a factor when he was younger.
BUT, the issue got worse instead of better despite discovering and obviously putting an end to the abuse and treating with therapy. When it got worse after he entered his teens, we had many heated discussions about it. It essentially boiled down to him thinking it was a waste of time.
He had gotten really into video games and the computer and eventually confessed he didn’t wipe his ass because he didn’t want to waste 30 more seconds away from his game. The smell and associated nastiness was not enough of a deterent.
It took a lot of uncomfortable talks and persistence and a commando phase to finally work through the problem. I’m sorry you have to deal with this, but you aren’t alone.. My advice:
1. Seriously consider whether s**ual abuse could be a factor. You would be horrified to realize how easy it is to miss the signs when they are very young.
2. Have an open and honest discussion about WHY he is not wiping. You will never get him to actually care about it if you can’t determine why he does what he does.
KingAlastor − Isn’t he bothered by the smell of s**t? Aren’t his friends bothered that every time he joins the group, there’s now a smell of s**t as if someone had stepped in dogpoop.
ChellesBelles89 − There’s bigger problems here. He sounds babied. He should be able to use the washer at 14 and most definitely know how to properly wipe and care if he’s clean or not.
BeeYehWoo − NTA. Your kid, frankly put, *doesnt know how to wipe his own ass!* This calls for drastic measures. He doesnt care and he should. You as the parent have failed your son and havent realized until he is 14 that he cannot clean his ass properly. Good news though. The fact he is embarrassed by the mere idea of informing his friends shows he does care. So that is a good start.
The boundaries between tough love and humiliation can be tricky. Do you think the father’s actions were too extreme, or should he have been more patient? Share your thoughts below!