AITA for “forcing” my father to pay child support?

A 28-year-old woman shared how her estranged father, who had refused to pay child support throughout her life, is now furious after her paternal grandparents deducted the owed amount from his trust fund as a wedding gift to her. The father claims this decision will negatively impact his current wife and children and has pressured her to return the money.

However, the woman plans to use it to ensure her mother has financial freedom in retirement, despite not needing the money herself. To find out more about the situation and how others reacted, read the full story below…

‘ AITA for “forcing” my father to pay child support?’

My father is a d**k. When he got my mother pregnant he wanted her to quit her job and just stay home to “be a good little wife and mother. He is very well off due to a trust fund and he doesn’t really need to work. My mother refused and divorced him. Because of a prenup she got very little and he moved back to Europe.

His parents never knew about me and my mother had a good profession and I never really wanted for anything. My grandmother and grandfather, her mom and dad were awesome, and I got to spend my summers exploring the wilds of Western Canada with them. My father never paid the child support he should have.

Like I said it did really matter. My mom makes good money and she gave me a great life as a child. So the point of this post. I’m (F28) getting married. I met the love of my life (M31) at university and we have been together for eight years. He is a wonderful person and he really is my lobster. (Sorry, Friends reference).

His family is from the same city as my father and they are a huge rambunctious bunch. Because of a lot of intermingled business and personal relationships my parental grandparents found out about my impending wedding and me I suppose.

The have been in contact and want to come to Canada to meet me and my fiancee who I guess is a grandson of an acquaintance of theirs. Small world. When they found out that my father had basically abandoned me to fend for myself in this world, this is honestly how they see it, they were pissed to say the least.

It is very funny because we are decidedly upper middle class here. So long story short they had their lawyer calculate the amount of child support my father should have paid with inyerest and the cost of my post secondary education. They then gave my this as a gift.

What I didn’t know was that it came out of my father’s yearly draw on his trust fund. He is furious because it is obviously a sizeable amount and it will very much affect his finances for at least the next two years. He may need to ,GASP, get a job.

He has been contacting me and telling me that his current wife and children will be negatively affected if I don’t give him back this money. I don’t really need it. And I guess I am entitled to it and I am getting a trust fund now as well.

But I really want to pay off any debt my mother may have and make sure that when she retires she can do whatever suits her fancy.. I’m not giving it back.. AITA? 

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

VoyagerVII −  NTA. He should have been paying it all along. And your grandparents sound badass.

stophittingthyself −  NTA Your grandparents wont accept it back anyway. It’s your grandparents money to use however they wish. They’ve decided to gift it to their grandchild and not their lazy ass son. Tell him this is between him and his parents.

kevwelch −  That trust fund isn’t HIS money, it’s his parents money. They can give or take that any time they want. And they wanted to take it from him and given it to you. That’s 100% their right. Your father is actually angry at them, but he’s also a c**ard.

He knows that any anger he directs at them may end up with him being cut off completely. It’s time to shut him up. Let him know that if he keeps harassing you, you’ll show his texts and emails and calls to his parents. Ask him how he thinks they’d react to his actions.

Keep the money. Just because you don’t “need” a thing doesn’t make it wrong to have it. Pay off your debt, buy a home, make your new life with your husband that much easier. Save and invest it for your children if you want. Your grandparents want you to have their money. Let them be generous to you.. NTA

N_Ryan_ −  He’s no father. Go wild with the money, make sure he knows exactly how wild.

BlueClouds42 −  NTA. They gave it freely. It is yours. If they were able to give it, it wasn’t his money to control where it goes to anyway. That’s how a trust works.

Wolfenbro −  NTA Your dad’s a deadbeat, he should’ve been paying it all along. It’s not his money anyway, it’s from the trust fund set up for him. Your paternal grandparents sound awesome though, maybe they’re trying to atone for raising the asshat that is their son.

MegamiDoran −  NTA Call it karma. It’s your money. It’s a lovely idea to give it to your mom.

NaiveHold2685 −  Certainly NTA, how lovely of your grandparents. I bet if you let them know he’s been contacting you about it, they’ll put a stop to it. (If you want to do it in a sneakily nice way, you can say, “Hey I feel awkward about this,

but my dad/your son has been contacting me saying it’ll hurt his lifestyle unless I give him the money back, is that true? I’m worried about his kids”)

shealwayscomplains −  NTA u dont say no to generational wealth. ever. its an opportunity only a few may get in their lifetime.

MaryAnne0601 −  NTA You and your mother more than deserve it! I applaud your grandparents for doing the right thing. They knew their son wouldn’t own up to his own failures so they literally made him pay for it. They are brilliant.