AITA for flipping out on my MIL and husband for eating all the food before I had eaten?

This new mom has been dealing with her MIL’s unannounced visits and habit of eating or drinking whatever’s available, often leaving nothing for her. Despite asking her husband to intervene, the situation hasn’t improved.

The breaking point came when, after putting her fussy baby to bed, she returned to find that all the homemade pizza she made was gone—including a plate her eldest son set aside specifically for her. When her MIL and husband dismissed her frustration, she lost her temper and asked them to leave, but now her husband thinks she overreacted.

‘ AITA for flipping out on my MIL and husband for eating all the food before I had eaten?’

Ever since I gave birth 4 months ago (so I have 4 kids total), my MIL has been showing up whenever she wants and when she’s here, she always helps herself to whatever she wants. She has never offered to help me or the baby in any way, shape or form. She’s basically here to see her son and that’s it.

Like, about 3 weeks ago I made a small pot of coffee (enough for 2 cups). I went to go nurse the baby while waiting and at some point my MIL shows up, let’s herself inside. When I came out, she had drank the entire pot. I had no coffee grounds left.

Or she’s eaten my leftovers straight out of the fridge multiple times. And she’s always like “thanks for the food/coffee!” As if I offered it to her when I absolutely didn’t because all she’s doing is making my life miserable. I told my husband to speak to her about it and he told me he did but I truly don’t think so.

I spoke up the last time she was here (3 weeks ago) and told her she needed to stop helping herself because she’s eating and drinking stuff that I wanted and/or made for myself. She said “oh I’m sorry” and then stopped coming around for awhile.

Well, today I made 4 homemade pizzas. I told the kids to come help themselves to dinner and that I had to go get the baby down for a nap real quick and would be right back. Well, it took me like 45 minutes because the baby is fussy (she just had shots).

I come back out and ALL the pizza was gone and my MIL and husband are sitting there chowing away. I just said “are you f**king kidding me right now?” My husband asked what was going on and I said “you guys couldn’t have even left me a f**king slice? Sure, let’s feed the f**king neighborhood before I even get to eat.

That’s so awesome of you guys! Thanks!” And start to walk off. My oldest son (13) comes in and he’s like “mum I left you out a plate. I put it right on the counter” and walks over to grab it and low and behold, that’s gone too. MIL said “I thought it was leftover from dinner”.

So my son’s apologizing to me even though he did nothing wrong but my MIL and husband just stand there? They literally aren’t saying anything. So I looked at both of them and said “you both need to leave, now”.

My husband then decides to speak, saying that it was an “honest mistake” and that “no one meant any harm” and said I was making a mound out of a mole hill, which honestly just pissed me off further, so I snapped again and said “yeah except every time your f**king mother comes here, I end up going without because she eats or drinks my portion of everything.

But sure, let’s defend someone taking food out of my mouth, shall we?” His mother just storms out of the house and my husband looks at me like I’m insane, so I say “quick, chase her” and walk out.

My husband thinks I’m “f**king mental” and that this all could have been resolved if I had “acted like an adult”. He won’t come home. But at this point, I don’t even want him to come home because it means his mother will stay away.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

[Reddit User] −  NTA. They are both infuriating. What Husband is ok with his wife going hungry. Especially when she needs strength and nourishment to raise HIS children. He’s a disgrace.

MouseAndLadybug −  NTA, your husband is an ass and is enabling his mother who is 100% doing this intentionally. I bet your son has clocked this and that’s why he tried to save you a plate (he sounds very sweet BTW!) I don’t blame you for not wanting your husband to come home, sounds like your life is easier without him there.

Abject_Director7626 −  NTA. It’s kinda nice without him home, isn’t it?

Pandoratastic −  NTA. It’s not an “honest mistake” if someone has a pattern of doing something, apologizes when confronted, and then keeps doing it anyway.

misstiff1971 −  Stop cooking anything for your husband and change the locks so his mommy can’t keep walking in without you letting her. Your kids recognize how you are being treated.

Flynn_JM −  Nursing makes you incredibly hungry!!  This is so not cool.  I love how your 13 year old took on the man of the house role by setting aside a plate while hubby played dumb.

 Do you think you MIL is doing this too create a wedge between you two or is she just dumb AF?.  Is your husband scared of her? EtA: look up a post about a guy who kicked his wife out after punching his mother (sound awful but isn’t)…. very close to your situation. 

[Reddit User] −  This is very strange. I would be mortified if someone told me to stop helping myself to their food/coffee. I certainly wouldn’t need to be told again. I don’t know anyone who would.

The problem here is your husband. You have a new baby, you’re still nursing, and he doesn’t care whethere there’s food or drink for you. He is the one who should be communicating with his mother. He is the problem here.

You need to tell him that she is banned from eating or drinking anything in your house for the time being. When you have recovered from the birth and things are calmer with the kids, maybe you can revisit that. But she is NEVER to help herself to anything in your house again. He has created this situation, she’s his mother, and he needs to tell her.

If he truly doesn’t understand why his behavior is a problem, then I don’t know what to tell you. There is something wrong with him. Show him these responses, maybe.

YomiKuzuki −  NTA. Your husband is complicit in his mother ensuring you don’t get to eat. Don’t you find it odd that everyone but *you, specifically*, gets to eat? That she’ll only eat *your* portion? And let me guess, your husband doesn’t cook, either?

My husband thinks I’m “f**king mental” and that this all could have been resolved if I had “acted like an adult”. He won’t come home. But at this point, I don’t even want him to come home because it means his mother will stay away.

Reddit likes to jump to “divorce”. This is divorce worthy. He says nothing about his mother coming over whenever she wants, eating your share of food, saying nothing in your defense when it happens, and then implies you’re being childish for being angry that she, once again, ate your share.

Funny-Wafer1450 −  NTA. Sometimes pissing them off with the truth is the best way to get them to leave and stay gone. Husband is a big baby. I feel sorry for your other kids having to witness this.

FairyPenguinStKilda −  Adults share food and protect the caregiver. The adults here are not doing this.. NTA.