AITA for expecting to get drunk at a bachelor party?
A group of friends is preparing for a bachelor party, but the groom has requested a sober weekend due to his fiancée’s influence. This decision has upset the friends, who feel that drinking and partying are expected at such events.
Despite the groom’s insistence on respecting his and his fiancée’s wishes, tensions rise as the friends express their disappointment and consider skipping the trip. read the original story below…
‘ AITA for expecting to get drunk at a bachelor party?’
I’m supposed to be going to a 12 person bachelor party in June, planned by the best man. I am in the wedding. We are in our late 20’s, early 30’s. We are going to a lakeside town for 4 days. This town has a main street with bars and has nearby casinos.
Over the last year, the groom has gotten a bit distant and hung out less, when he does hang out he doesn’t seem like himself. His fiance, who we don’t know well, is believed to be sober and she is the influence on him when he does come around.
Thats fine, we are getting older and less rowdy. Its not that big a deal. Until now. The groom let everyone know in a group chat that he would like this to be a sober weekend. Nearly immediately a new group chat without the groom was started and everyone was like WTF.
Its a bachelor party, we are all expecting to let loose. All of us are traveling to this place and using PTO, and we don’t see each other as often as we used to. The best man is pissed, we are all going crazy. The gambling and drinking was assumed because he’s participated in those things most of the 15 years we’ve been friends.
He’s known the location for months and why the location was chosen. So I texted back in the main group chat and said thats not something I and i’m sure others are interested in. I asked where this is coming from. I asked if he was an a**oholic.
He said no and he doesn’t drink anymore and its something his fiance wants. So he is going to respect her. I’m just like, its a bachelor party, getting drunk is expected. He said he really wants us to respect his wishes. He’s suggested doing hikes and going to the local national park.
I’m just like, yeah, some of us are not going to do that the whole time. I said this is a ridiculous request by your fiance. I told him we don’t want to do a sober bachelor party, i’ve expressed that i’d still come but wouldn’t be doing the full 4 day trip and looking into staying elsewhere.
He is mad we are not respecting his and his fiance’s wishes and seems upset we don’t want to do the activities he suggested. Now the trip feels like its in jeopardy. AITA?. Note: Mods Okayed Re-Posting
See what others had to share with OP:
dornenzahn − I gotta say, I’ve never personally thought that a bachelor’s party was about *me* at all. It’s about the bachelor. It’s about celebrating a friend getting married. Are there usually aspects tied to getting a little loose and wacky?
Yeah sure, but it’s generally accepted that the priority here is the soon-to-be-groom having a good time, and if he wants to have a good time *sober*, I fail to see why everyone needs over a month to mentally prepare for not drinking over a single 4 day weekend.
It’s kind of funny that y’all asked *him* if he was the one with an alcohol problem. Seems to be it’s everyone *else* who is having a hard time imagining a celebration *for someone else* without getting drunk.
StAlvis − I mean, this was **solidly** YTA yesterday, so I don’t know why you’d think the response would be any different now.
ReviewOk929 − He is mad we are not respecting his and his fiance’s wishes and seems upset we don’t want to do the activities he suggested.
YTA – You’re not respecting his wishes. Is it that hard to do something for someone else? You’re determined to ruin HIS bachelor party to the point he won’t get one. That’s not friendship
Same as yesterday. Don’t think anyone is going to change their opinion here.
Peony-Pony − Are you hoping you’ll get a different outcome. The majority of the judgements on the previous post were YTA. It’s not your bachelor party. The groom, the honoree, has requested a dry bachelor party. If you can’t manage to stay sober and go without alcohol for four days, you have a problem not the groom.
i’ve expressed that i’d still come but wouldn’t be doing the full 4 day trip and looking into staying elsewhere. He is mad we are not respecting his and his fiance’s wishes and seems upset we don’t want to do the activities he suggested. . YTA, it’s not about you.
No-Yogurtcloset-8785 − Have you thought about getting help for your drinking problem?
andromache97 − ESH. this subreddit hates alcohol. i feel like if this situation was reversed (group of guys planned a chill weekend with hiking and board games, groom at the last minute decided everyone was going out and getting wasted and bar-hopping instead) people wouldn’t be so firmly in the Y T A camp.
demanding your friends do whatever you want for 4 days straight because you’re getting married is ridiculous.
KBD_in_PDX − I can’t remember what I voted yesterday, but today’s version I vote ESH. Listen, I get it – nobody planned for this to be a sober trip. It was a bait and switch and that’s why your friend sucks.
He also sucks for throwing his fiancee under the bus by telling ALL OF HIS FRIENDS that she is the one who wanted him to have a sober bach. Nobody knew they were signing up for a boy scouts trip to a national park instead of a weekend of boozing and gambling and manning it up.
If that was going to be the case, the groom should’ve made it 100% clear in advance so that people could make their decisions. That’s on him. HOWEVER, this is a party for your friend. It’s to celebrate HIM and it’s HIS party, and he can cry soberly if he wants to.
It would really s**k if all of his friends decided their desire to drink was more important than celebrating their friend. That is being a fair-weather friend. The whole purpose of the trip is to celebrate your friends pending nuptials, which is still possible without booze.
owls_and_cardinals − YTA for a few reasons. Your delivery and responses are making it seem like you care more about drinking than your best friend. Calling his fiancee ridiculous – or this request ridiculous – also is insulting and further underscores a certain rigidity in your thinking.
Ultimately you should care more about being with your friend than having a rowdy long weekend. Lastly, speaking for the group isn’t ok. I know the group chat erupted as soon as the groom requested this but it sounds like you took it on yourself to make statements like “we don’t want” and “some of us are not going to do that”.
You speak for yourself and yourself only. All that said, I do get why this is blowing up. Something seems amiss here. It’s kind of an odd ‘fit’, given the casino and original plan, to throw the wrench of it needing to be a dry weekend. It does seem like he might be under some pressure from his fiancee which…
honestly is really sad for him. Rather than giving him pressure back, you ought to be considering what he actually needs. Is he doing ok? Is this really his choice or is any part of him disappointed or uncomfortable with what’s being asked?
Lastly, is a compromise an option, where there is one ‘let loose’ night, or where the groom hangs with a subgroup who wants to stay sober each night even if there are ‘break out groups’ that go out drinking at times.
The idea that an entire group has to comply with the wishes of one person who isn’t even present, is kinda strange to me. But I am going with a Y T A judgment because of your delivery and approach. Grow up!
Petefriend86 − I already know I’m in the wrong from yesterday’s post, but NTA. We can definitely have a sober bachelor party for a night. What I don’t support is a planned weekend getaway to bars and gambling, THEN changing it to a sober occasion because your fiance said so.
[Reddit User] − NTA. Yes, I agree with the comments that say you don’t need to drink to have fun as well as the ones that say the bachelor party is about the groom, not you.
But I also understand why you’re bummed and don’t think you’re an a**hole for it. Your friend is either growing up and away from you, being pressured and changed by his fiancé, or both. And that is, unfortunately, just part of being in your late 20s.
What do you think about the groom’s request? Should the friends respect his wishes, or is it reasonable for them to want to celebrate in a traditional way? Share your thoughts below!