AITA for expecting to be included in boyfriends daughter’s birthday trip ?

A woman (32F) in a two-year relationship feels excluded when her boyfriend plans a Disney birthday trip for his daughter, including his ex, her family, and friends, but not her. Despite living together and helping care for his daughter, she wasn’t invited.

When she voiced her feelings, he admitted his ex didn’t want her to attend, leading to tension. Now he’s considering canceling the trip, blaming her for the conflict. read the original story below…

‘ AITA for expecting to be included in boyfriends daughter’s birthday trip ?’

My bf and I have been together for 2 years. We live together. We both have kids.I have mine 24/7. He has his daughter every other weekend. Sometimes his daughter stays with me for all her school break while dad works. When we got together we agreed that we would treat each others kids as our own.

I try to be involved as much as can but try not to overstep as he coparents with his ex. I havent met his ex yet. I havent asked to meet her and neither has she. At this point in our relationship I assume that I’m his family. Yet he keeps me separate from his daughter when it comes to sports, birthday parties, etc.

He never invites me, only says “I have this going on for my daughter” & is on his way. I’ve always respected it never questioned it and remained in the background. 3 months ago he mentioned he would work OT or a 2nd job to save up for Disney for his daughter birthday. He never invited he only mention it.

I assumed eventually he’d tell me more and invite me but he didn’t & I never brought it up. A few weeks later we had a BBQ w/friends at our house. 1 of our friends overheard he had a Disney trip planned for his daughter’s birthday without me. She told him he should take me and give me my place as his future wife in his family.

I joked and said “he didn’t invite me because his ex doesn’t want me there” and He avoided the comment, all he said was “its going to be my ex 1st time going to Disney, shes never been there” I let it be, moved on from it. 2 months later he brought it up again, I asked questions like who’s all going etc.

He said my daughter, both my parents and my ex is going. I said ok. He brought up again, and this time he mentioned a friend of his ex was going, &that made me feel some type of way but I let it be out of respect for his daughter. He talked about it again today, said he wants to go fish out there, plans to stay longer with his dad.

While his mom, daughter, his ex and ex friend will come back sooner. I then said “oh more people going?” he said yes, &that his ex’s sister and bf will be meeting them up there. I couldn’t stay quit any longer & asked him why wasn’t I invited? Since there seems to be a lot of more people going?

And he told me he asked his ex if I could go & she said no, I asked why did she say no, & he said she just said no & she doesn’t want to meet you. It hurt my feelings, and I told him its very messed up for him to exclude me if he wanted me to be there, that his ex should s**k it up,

and that if he really wanted me there he should of stood up to her and let her know what he wanted. I understand it’s his daughter’s birthday trip and it’s about her, but I just felt excluded from something important in his life that I wanted to be apart of.

I guess I was wrong to assume of being included and now he is mad at me because I made it a big deal & is says he wont go. He should still go, all I wanted was to know why he didnt invite me. Now I feel horrible and wondering if I crossed the line w/voicing my feelings

See what others had to share with OP:

Kellymargaret −  In my opinion, you are NTA! I think your boyfriend should have invited you. If you get married, is he still gonna let his ex dictate his choices?

Feistycat462 −  NTA. Very weird behavior from my point of view. Going on a vacation with his ex for the kid is one thing, but he’s keeping you and his ex apart. Why?

East_Parking8340 −  I have to ask, who owns or pays rent for the home in which you live? I’m guessing that with the custody arrangement he has to pay a significant sum in child support. Does this mean you pay the bulk or all of the household bills and he just pays his car note, insurance and cell and the odd bag of chips?

I find it exceptionally strange that he would be going on a holiday with the whole of his ex’s immediate and extended family. Honestly, who would be comfortable in a situation like that? I truly get the feeling that he would reignite his relationship with his ex (if he hasn’t already)

and is just using you as a cheap (or free) place to stay and a friend with benefits thing. Who does the majority of the childcare when she’s with you? Do you do all the laundry, food prep and running around after her?

It’s all well and good that she has an opinion on it but the fact he won’t allegedly stand up for you in any way, shape or form makes me think that you are just a tool to him. I get that you are not the child’s mother (nor do you want to be)

and that you have no legal responsibility for her but to expect on one hand you to house her when its his turn and then dismiss your very existence when it’s not should be a concern for you.

Don’t forget, you’ve never met the woman so you have absolutely no idea what she has actually said to him about you only what **he says** she said. I suspect he’s said you’re just a roommate and possibly that you have a crush on him but it’s not reciprocated.

I believe he’s spinning you a yarn, taking advantage of you financially and would leave you if his ex so much as crooked her finger towards him. YNTA but you really need to find out the truth.

Adventurous_Byte −  INFO Is there something else going on that is not mentioned in the post? Like were you already in the picture when he broke up with his ex? Or do you know of any other reasons she might be resenting you?

DisastrousMachine568 −  Why are you with him? He goes on family vacation without you, you are not included in anything, neither are your children.. You take care of his daughter. Your not his partner, you are his comfortable home sidekick.. Leave him

slendermanismydad −  D**p him. Immediately. He is not committed to you, you’re just easy for him because you babysit his kid for him. He’s going to an entire extended family trip with his ex. I’m actually embarrassed for you. I’d be humiliated.

Especially at how secretive he is while taking $$$ out of your household. Yeah, you watch his daughter so he can work OT to go play happy family with his ex. Sometimes his daughter stays with me for all her school break while dad works. No. He suckered you. Every other weekend and he is still dumping her on you. 

paul_rudds_drag_race −  This guy hardly sees his daughter — 4 days a month and even then, during breaks you’re the one watching her for a significant amount of time. Then he won’t invite you when all these other people on her side get invited.

Then he throws a little tantrum and says he won’t go on the trip? Yikes. I think it’s odd that the ex won’t meet you when you sometimes provide childcare — what kind of parent wouldn’t want to scope out who’s watching over their kid. This is messy.

Sensitive-Bug-881 −  NTA. Some basic points: 1 you’ve been together two years, and you care for her child during extended breaks alone. 2: many other people are going on this trip. Combine those 2 things, and there are red flags. Either you were the cause of their break up, and it’s too painful for Mom.

OR BF is screwing her on the side and made it messy. There is a reason she doesn’t want to meet you, and I can’t think of any other reason she wouldn’t want to meet such an integral part of her daughter’s life. If you weren’t the “homewrecker” my money’s on: he’s slept with baby mama a few times since your relationship started. 100%

joeayala213 −  NTA. But honestly, this trip sounds like it’s less about Disney magic and more about him playing peacekeeper with his ex. You’ve been supportive and understanding, but at some point, if you’re living together and helping raise his daughter,

it’s not unreasonable to want a real place in the “family events.” He might need a reminder that it’s OK for both his past and present to exist…without trying to keep you in a hidden back row seat.

rocklandguy324 −  Going to get down voted but YTA in this. It seems like you’re more interested in living a blended family fantasy than seeing the reality in front of you. You assume you’re his “family” at this point in the relationship but is this how people are treated in your family?

If I am reading this right you have never been involved in any celebration of this child that their mother attends yet your friends claim your his future wife? Why is marriage even on the table when you have yet to be included in the entirety of your partners life?

How can you be an effective step parent never having met or engaged with this child mother? This whole dynamic seems like he gets all the benefit and you get all the emotional labor and you’re free child care. What’s his relationship with your kids? Is he playing at step dad with them? Does he not go to their celebrations?

Was she right to express her feelings, or should she have let it go? Share your thoughts below!