AITA for expecting my sister to pay back on the due date the money I lent her for her dogs vet bills?

A Reddit user, a 35-year-old brother, shares a conflict with his younger sister, who borrowed $2,500 for her dog’s vet bills with a promise to repay by November 1st. Despite her dog tragically passing away two weeks before the due date, he reached out for repayment as agreed.

However, his sister accused him of being insensitive, claiming she’s still grieving and isn’t ready to pay. The disagreement has strained their relationship, leaving the user wondering if he’s in the wrong. Read the full story below for more details.

‘ AITA for expecting my sister to pay back on the due date the money I lent her for her dogs vet bills?’

On October 1st,  I (35M) lent my sister (27F) 2500 dollars for her dog’s vet bills.  She promised to pay me back on November 1st.  She said she would have the money on that date.  I have this in writing via text.  I’ve never lent my sister money before and I generally trust her.  I didn’t care for her dog, but she loved it.

It ended up passing on Oct 15th.  She was devastated.   I gave her my condolences and went about my life.  On Nov 1st, I asked her to venmo me the 2500.  She blows up on me asking how I could ask her for money when she is still grieving.

She says it’s only been 2 weeks since the dog died and she isn’t ready to move on.  I told her I’m not telling you to move on, I’m telling you to pay me what I’m owed.  I asked if she is saying she is not paying me back.  She called me an a**hole and hung up.   I texted her a screenshot of her agreeing to the 11/1 date.  She ignored me. 

I can live without getting the 2500 back with no material effect on my life, but also 2500 is not an insignificant amount.  In talking with our mom, the vet bill was over 7 grand and it didn’t save her dog’s life. I found out my mom gifted her 2 grand to help out.

I have no idea what my sisters finances are like, but i’m guessing they are not good.  She is now 7 days late and I haven’t seen a dime. We’ve had several arguments and this has really deteriorated our relationship.  Essentially she is calling me an unsympathetic a**hole.  But am I?

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

Discount_Mithral −  NTA. This is why I don’t lend money to family. She agreed to a date and needs to stick to it or ask for a different date/arrange for a payment plan if need be. With you having it in text, you can take her to small claims court, but that is going to ruin your relationship with her completely. Be prepared not to see that money again and take it as a lesson learned not to lend her money again.

Edit: I might come at this with something like “I understand the grief you’re going through with the loss of “dog’s name”, and you have my deepest condolences. We agreed the money I lent you was just that, a loan. I need you to work with me to pay this back. What would be a reasonable timeframe for you to repay this? Would setting up a payment plan be something ~~you might be interested in~~ we could set up instead of a lump sum?”

Edit: Changing the language based on a comment that is correct – sister is already uninterested in paying, so making it less of “does this interest you?” and more “would this work better to fix the debt owed?” is better language.

obunk −  She should be working with you to pay the money back, even on a payment plan. But I recently had a pet pass after about $7-8k of trying to save him. If she borrowed from you and your mom, there’s a chance she borrowed from others too and she’s probably feeling backed against a wall of owing a lot of people a lot of money.

I know for my pet, it wasn’t just the ER bill, it was follow up appointments ($$$), follow up testing ($$$), medication, and ultimately a costly cremation. She still needs to have a conversation with you about how to go about paying you back, but it might be worth a conversation from you to see what the situation really looks like for her financially

valkyrieway −  I taught both my daughters this important lesson early in life due to being screwed over a couple of times. It goes like this: People want (or need) to borrow money from you because they don’t have their own money. And if they don’t have their own money, (say it with me!) HOW ARE THEY GOING TO PAY YOU BACK?

catladyclub −  I find people want to make you the bad person when they have to pay back money they borrowed and promised to pay back. They make themselves the victim. I would insist she pay it back. I would tell her she needs to start making payments. You have it in text she agreed. There is no reason for her not to pay you back. NTA.

throw-away-3839 −  Don’t lend money you expect back. To anyone. Consider it a gift and if they repay you, great. If they don’t, you’re not angry.

Arc-en-ciel-x2 −  Oh dear, it sounds like she may have been in a desperate situation hoping to save her dog and possibly over promised how soon / if she could repay and over stretched herself financially. Whilst you have every right to ask for the money back on the day promised, you could have handled it with more compassion for your sister’s loss. She of course could have handled it all with more transparency. And now it sounds like emotions are currently running high.

Could it perhaps be a solution to speak again with a bit of distance and arrange a repayment plan that you could also live with financially? I think perhaps there’s currently NAH, depending on how this gets handled moving forward.

Rorosi67 −  ESH. You for 2 reasons. 1) you were super insensitive and showed no compassion. 2) you knew she was emotionally distraught at the idea of losing her best friend. You knew she would have done, accepted any conditions if it could possibly save him. Of course she was going to say that she would pay it back that fast. You didn’t even stop to think if that would be possible for her or if she was in the right frame of mind to agree.

And 3 but only as a side one. I was taught that even if it is a loan and both agree, internally you don’t expect to be refunded. So never lend more than you can live without. Her because she should have at least offered to pay part back or ask to push the deadline. Her grief while real and horrible, shoukd not stop her from understanding your pov.

animaniactoo −  YTA, sorry to say. Yes, you’re unsympathetic. You needed to handle this a LOT more gently, and with more faith. Messaging her as soon as it was due was the wrong way to go UNLESS you absolutely needed it back right then and then you say something along the lines of “I’m so sorry to ask, but I can’t pay my rent unless I get the money now”.

You should have given her a couple of days to see if she would take care of it and reach out first about it and only come to her if she didn’t. She lashed out and that sucks. But now, knowing that she is extremely upset, instead of saying something like “I know things are tough for you right now, I’m sorry I didn’t understand how upset you are, why don’t we just rearrange for Dec 1st”, you are doubling down EVERY DAY about it.

Is she wrong for not keeping the agreement and paying you back when she said she would? Probably, and she’s definitely handling it wrong. But you are botching the general humanity side of this.

CreativeProfession57 −  NTA but, Alas, the lesson here is don’t loan money to people, especially family. Either give it without conditions or expectations or don’t give it. Because that unfortunately is the binary reality for many of these scenarios.

It’s the principle of the thing, I get it. It’s not an insignificant chunk of change. I get that, too. Per your portrayal, it seems unlikely you’re getting reimbursed, at least any time soon. So you are left with another binary choice: eat the loan and NEVER loan again (and this includes not bringing it up with your sister at all) or continue to Pursue it and further injure your relationship. It’s not a good choice, admittedly, but that is the reality of it.

Useful-Emphasis-6787 −  Okay, I know reddit is all like you don’t owe anyone anything. But she is your sister! Show some sympathy. She paid so much for something she loved and at the end she lost the dog and the money.
I have loaned many times to my relatives and most of them pay back on time. But some can’t, I understand their situations and since I don’t need the money right now, I tell them it’s okay and to pay me back whenever they can.

I loaned recently to one family member and I asked them to repay others first and pay me last. Granted, I’m doing well financially and have not many responsibilities. You may not be as fortunate as me but as you said, you can still live a while that 2k, why can’t you give a little more time to your sister? Legally and by reddit standards, NTA. However, morally, YTA.