AITA for Expecting My Husband to Do “My Job” While I’m on Maternity Leave?

A Reddit user, a 27-year-old first-time mom, is feeling overwhelmed and isolated during her maternity leave after the birth of her daughter, Daisy. Despite recovering from a C-section and managing the constant needs of a colicky baby, she feels unsupported by her husband, Mark (31M), who works long hours and refuses to help at night.

Additionally, her mother-in-law, Susan, moved in but has been passive-aggressive, criticizing her for not keeping the house clean while refusing to help with the baby. With mounting stress, the user is questioning if she’s being unreasonable in expecting help, or if her feelings are a result of her exhaustion. Read the full story below…

‘ AITA for Expecting My Husband to Do “My Job” While I’m on Maternity Leave?’

I don’t even know where to start. I feel like I’m drowning, but maybe I’m the one at fault for expecting too much. I’m 27F and a first-time mom to a 7-week-old baby girl Daisy. She’s beautiful, but she cries all the time. The doctors call it colic, but it feels like I must be doing something wrong. Isn’t a mother supposed to be able to comfort her child? I can’t even manage that.

The past few weeks have been a blur of pain, exhaustion, and failure. My C-section scar still throbs when I move too much, and sleep is a distant memory. I don’t remember the last time I slept more than two hours in a row. My husband, *Mark* (31M), tells me I’m overreacting. He works long hours and says he needs his rest, so I do the nights alone. Every feeding, every diaper change, every midnight sobbing session (both hers and mine)—it’s all me.

Then there’s my MIL, *Susan*. She moved in three weeks ago after a fight with my FIL. She has taken over the living room, refuses to help with the baby because “that’s your job,” and makes passive-aggressive comments about how I’m not keeping the house clean enough. I thought it would be temporary, but she shows no sign of leaving. She has been treating me like a live-in maid. She doesn’t cook for herself or for anyone else.

Instead, she’ll drop hints like, “It’d be nice if there were some tea,” while I’m juggling a screaming baby. Yesterday, she had friends over for “book club,” and they spent the afternoon laughing loudly and commenting on how messy the house was. I wanted to scream. Instead, I hid in the nursery and cried.

And the dog—God, our dog got sick. He’s been vomiting everywhere for days. Mark refuses to help because it was “my idea” to get a dog in the first place. Between cleaning up after him, trying to soothe a baby who won’t stop crying, and keeping the house somewhat livable, I feel like I’m losing my mind.

The worst was last week when I got mastitis. My fever hit 102°F, and I could barely stand, let alone take care of the baby. I begged Mark to take a day off to help, but he said work was too busy. That night, he ordered takeout for himself, ate in the living room with Susan, and didn’t even ask if I wanted anything.

Yesterday, everything came to a head. The baby was screaming, the laundry machine broke mid-cycle, the dog threw up on the couch, and Susan decided to host another “book club” without asking me. I hadn’t eaten all day, and I was shaking from exhaustion. I begged Mark to ask his mom to leave or at least help me get through the day. He looked at me like I was crazy and said, “You’re the one on maternity leave. What else do you have to do?”

I don’t remember what I said back, but it doesn’t matter. He stormed out, leaving me with the mess, the baby, and Susan glaring at me like I was the problem. Later, she told me I was a bad wife for upsetting him and that I should be grateful he works so hard for us.

I feel like I’m failing—at being a mom, a wife, a person. Maybe they’re right. Maybe I’m selfish for expecting help. Maybe I’m a bad mother because I can’t stop my baby from crying. Maybe this is all my fault.. I don’t know anymore. AITAH?

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

PositionSuch1097 −  NTA, not even close. Your husband and MIL are toxic, a**sive, and disgusting human beings. The fact that your husband can’t take one day off to help his wife who’s literally sick with a fever is appalling. And your MIL having the audacity to host her friends while you’re struggling? Absolutely vile. Your husband is a pathetic excuse for a partner, and your MIL is a leech. Divorce his ass and go no contact with her. They’re both worthless.

JanetInSpain −  NTA but STOP BEGGING. You need to pack a bag and take yourself and the baby anywhere else. Where is your family? ANY family that you can go stay with. Hell, call your FIL and ask to go stay there. You are way way beyond maxed out and your husband is a f**king l**er j**k abuser a**hole. Your MIL has no business being there.

You need to get out of that house and away from those people. NOW. Today. Stop with the self-deprecation. Stop with the begging. YOU NEED TO BE MAD. You need to be furious. I know exhaustion makes it hard to think but find your spine in all of that exhaustion and go after those ingrates with both gun barrels blazing.

JustMe518 −  You’re being abused. Just because he isn’t hitting you doesn’t mean it’s not abuse.

epiphanomaly −  Honey.  Single moms spend, on average, seven hours LESS on housework each week than married straight moms.  Husbands actively create more work for wives, on average. And that isn’t taking into account babysitting a mother-in-law full-time, which has to be, like, an extra twenty hours a week of extra chores per your description. 

 Take your baby and leave, if possible.  I know not everyone has family or friends that will take them in, especially with a colicky baby. (Side note: the doctors have diagnosed your baby with colic.  YOU ARE DOING NOTHING WRONG. You are doing the best you can).  Even if you can’t leave, you need to talk to a divorce attorney immediately.  They will be able to counsel you about how you can maintain residence in your home while evicting the leech and her manchild.

There is so. much. peace awaiting you if you extricate yourself from this shitshow, and Daisy deserves to grow up not seeing her mom accepting being treated like a live-in servant.  She’s going to model her idea of normalcy on what she sees at home.  You wouldn’t want this for her, right? You deserve better as much as she does.. Edited: phone typos.

celticmusebooks −  The problem is you have a crappy husband. He’s correct– you are on maternity leave. MATERNITY leave. MATERNITY! Your job is to recover from your C section and to take care of your newborn. That’s your ENTIRE “job description”. Cleaning the house? NOPE. Getting an entitled, lazy, judgmental MIL tea? NOPE. Hosting said MIL’s bitchy friends– surprisingly also NOPE. Do you have family or friends you can stay with for a while?

redditlurker1981 −  Jesus F Christ the mom shaming here shows exactly why I hate the human species. You are struggling and your less than useless husband and your total c*nt of a MIL are turning you into a married single mother. NTA. Don’t breed with him again though. Try to see if you can make the dog puke on both of them.

she_who_knits −  Is there some reason you can’t kick Susan out on your own? Just throw her stuff out the front door and tell her to get out. You don’t mention your own friends or family so it sounds like you don’t have a support network to help you.  If I were in your place I would walk into a church or a pregnancy care center and ask for help. My church is crawling with older empty nesters that would be happy to cuddle the cranky one while you take a nap. . Go find your tribe.

RemoveMountain89 −  NTA.. Divorce the husband. ASAP.