AITA for ending my childcare agreement with my sister because I don’t want to care for her future stepkids who I never met?
A 27F stay-at-home mom, who has been caring for her sister’s two children after school and during summer break, decided to end the arrangement when her sister expected her to also care for two future stepchildren. The problem?
These new children, from her sister’s fiancé, will arrive just before the wedding, leaving the OP little time to build a relationship with them. OP asked for time to get to know the kids, but her sister refused, saying the goal was to treat all the kids equally from the start.
Feeling uncomfortable with the sudden responsibility for children she’s never met, OP told her sister to find alternative childcare. The sister accused her of only caring about family by blood, but OP insists that this decision isn’t about biology, just the need for familiarity.
‘ AITA for ending my childcare agreement with my sister because I don’t want to care for her future stepkids who I never met?’
I (27f) am a stay at home mom to my two little boys ages 5 and 1. I also take care of my sister’s two children ages 8 and 6 after school and during summer break. She sends snacks for all the kids and pays me a small amount of money. I never asked for a lot because it was never a big deal to me and I enjoy seeing my niece and nephew.
But now things have changed. My sister is engaged and her future husband lives out of state with his two children. My sister already told me they were hoping I would take care of them. I asked when I would be meeting the kids and she said they fly in just before the wedding and I would start right away.
I told her I would like to get to know the kids first and she said they want to start out on the right path with being a blended family and that means treating the kids the same. She said they want them to have that after school time together.
I told her I understood but I would not be comfortable taking care of the kids for extended periods of time when I do not know them and will have met them one or two times before they would be placed in my care and I would not be comfortable.
My sister asked why I can’t just embrace a big change and throw myself in. I told her if she was willing to give me some time to get to know the kids… she said no. So I told her firmly that she would need to find someone else to take care of the kids.My sister told me I was really showing that I only consider family those who are related by blood.
But I would feel the same if my brother came back home after several years and asked me to watch his kids who I have never met and they’re blood related. For me it’s just a position that requires a close, existing relationship for me to be okay with it. AITA though?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
badwolf0323 ( Top 2 ) says
NTA
Your sister is a “my way or the highway” person. The only way to reeducate those type of people is to show them the highway. Reiterate your stance, don’t play her strawman games. You might want to get in front of the inevitable lies she’ll tell family by proactively telling family members what really happened – don’t ask them for advice, tell them what went down.
CrystalQueen3000 ( Top 3 ) says
NTA She should take a week off and watch all 6 kids just so she understands what she’s asking of you. She’s being ridiculous.
According_Ad6364 ( Top 4 ) says
NTA, taking care of six kids is a lot in general, but especially without knowing these kids energy level, likes and dislikes, anything. I also think your sister is wrong on the kids side as well, wouldn’t they be more comfortable with the new change if they knew the person they’re spending significant time with first?
cornelioustreat888 ( Top 5 ) says
NTA. Clearly your sister has taken advantage of you for some time now. You are saving her a fortune by caring for her kids rather than having them in daycare. I’m astounded by her assumption that you’d automatically take on two more kids. Her response to your perfectly reasonable request is quite shocking.
It really shows her character. Personally, I’d let her 4 children get to bond together at some other babysitter or daycare. You can enjoy some quality time with your two children without the stress of having to care for 6 children. I really hope you stand your ground and not get pressured into caring for half a dozen kids. Good Luck!
Aggressive-Mind-2085 ( Top 6 ) says
NTA **YOu are RIGHT to refuse.**
“I told her if she was willing to give me some time to get to know the kids… she said no. ” .. she likely KNOWS why she does not want that. **Sounds like they do not WANT you to meet the kids before getting you to agree – which IS concerning.** Also 6 kids is a LOT more than 4.
And they are merging their families, many kids start acting out duting that phase. YOu DO NOT want that to happen at YOUR home – you would be an AH to YOUR kids to allow that.
Bigbore_4 ( Top 7 ) says
Info
Am I reading this right? Sisters kids and step kids have not met and will meet first time just before the wedding? Has she met future husband? Something here is way off.
Aggravating-Pain9249 ( Top 8 ) says
You are doing a favor for your sister. As you said you don’t get paid much and money wasn’t the issue. You have every right to get to know the children before they come into your care. You sister is asking an awful lot from you. Reddit hears stories every day of undisciplined, e**titled children.
Currently, you are taking her two children, and with your two children, you make it work. You do not want to have a child or two who will ruin the way it is working for you. NTA
[deleted] ( Top 9 ) says
NTA.
Your sister is being very optimistic, and that’s great; unfortunately, she’s not being very *realistic*. It’s not uncommon for stepkids to act out as they’re getting used to new situations – push boundaries, ignore your authority, generally over-exciteable.
And everyone’s upbringing is different; depending on how they were raised, these kids could just be huge brats by nature. They could be complete angels! But you simply don’t know and haven’t been given the opportunity to know what kind of influence they’ll have on your own kids.
Additionally, we are talking about caring for *six little kids*. You’ve graduated from babysitter to zoo keeper. This makes my aforementioned points even more valid. Kids act as each others’ hype managers so things will be able to get out of control really freaking quickly.
And if you need to punish these kids, what do they respond to? Time outs? Chores? It’s *super* uncomfortable punishing a stranger’s kid; but, if you can’t keep them in line, things have an even bigger chance of getting out of control.
Good luck, OP. Stick to your guns. Remind yourself (and your sister): It’s not a no, it’s just a no for now. Who knows, in a few months you could have established a really tight bond with the kids and be willing to invite them all over after school. But you’re definitely not the AH here.
rioohki ( Top 10 ) says
NTA
I’ve often found that the word ‘just’ is a way to convince you to do something you don’t want to do.
*’Can you just?’*
*’Oh, it’s just …’*
It tends to go along with the phrase *’it’ll be fine’*, usually without any evidence to show how things will be fine.To get back to your question, your boundaries are absolutely reasonable. If anything, it shows how much you take the responsibility of care seriously, as opposed to just being convenient.
Stick to your guns, and I hope your sister realises that you’ve got her stepchildren’s interests at heart.
What do you think? Should the OP have been more open to helping out, or did she set a fair boundary? Let us know your thoughts!