AITA for encouraging my daughter not to watch her cousin or clean up his mess??

A Redditor recently shared a story about a tense family gathering where their sister, Lynn, left her wild toddler to run amok while gossiping with their mom.

The Redditor encouraged their own kids, aged 10 and 13, not to take responsibility for watching Lynn’s child, especially after Lynn neglected to supervise. When Lynn’s toddler caused a mess and screamed, the Redditor’s daughter refused to help clean up, insisting it was Lynn’s responsibility.

This led to a confrontation with Lynn and their mom, with the Redditor’s daughter standing firm in her stance. Read the full story below to see how things escalated and whether the Redditor’s actions were justified.

 

‘ AITA for encouraging my daughter not to watch her cousin or clean up his mess? ?’

Whenever my sister Lynn goes to any family event, she never watches her own kids and expects everyone else to, including my own children, who have complained about it. She will leave the room with her toddler, that acts like a wild animal.

I told my children (10 and 13) not to be duped into watching that b**t. My 13-year-old daughter left the room when my sister left her alone with her kid to gossip with my mom. My daughter got up and left.

Lynn’s toddlers pulled all the food off by the tablecloth and spilled red pasta sauce all over my mom’s carpet. The kid was screaming, and Lynn started to yell at my daughter when I told Lynn it was her responsibility to watch her own f**king kids.

Lynn said she thought my daughter was watching the “baby.” I asked her, “Did you ask my daughter to?” Lynn said she thought my daughter was smart enough to watch kids if they were alone with them.

My daughter said maybe Lynn should be smarter next time she thinks of having kids that she can’t control or watch. Yes, this was rude, and I laughed. My mom told my daughter to help pick up the mess because she helped cause it.

My daughter refused, saying it was Lynn’s fault because she let her kids run around like animals. My mom said we could all leave because we had no respect for her or her house. My daughter said she wouldn’t be back until her grandmother and aunt respected her.

I took my kids home. My mom thinks I should punish or talk to my daughter and make her apologize, but I won’t. I don’t think my daughter did anything wrong, and it’s Lynn’s fault for not watching her own brats.

See what others had to share with OP:

atealein −  Honestly, at the age your kids are I would say entirely NTA. Not only for how you are supporting them to express their feelings and needs but also not bend to the pressure.

Don’t accept responsibility for things that are out of your control and you haven’t agreed to be your responsibility and teach your children the same (you seem to be doing excellent job on that).

The retort your daughter gave was indeed rude – it would have been better to not say things about others reproductive choices, because it is quite obvious she is picking up these opinions and judgments from her parents. But either way, the parent is the responsible person for whatever the child did – even if there was another minor babysitting.

Unlucky-Gift-9360 −  NTA. Lynn should hire a babysitter if she can’t keep track of her kids. Good on you for supporting your kids in this situation.

I can see how in many families the responsibility could be rolled onto the shoulders of the older kids and force them to babysit just by default – which honestly isn’t right. Parents need to be responsible for their own kids.

TxAgBen −  NTA. “My mom told my daughter to help pick up the mess because she helped cause it”. How did she help cause it? By not psychic-ly picking up on her aunt’s responsibility hand-off?

When my kids were that age I NEVER left a room without being clear who I was asking to watch the kid and never took advantage of that. If you have a kid, they are YOUR responsibility. End of story.

Silly-Snow1277 −  NTA. Your sister is assuming people just look after their kids and she shouldn’t. If she had asked? Other story (but even yhen your daughter should always be allowed to say no and sister has to accept that). Good for you for standing up for your daughter here 

diminishingpatience −  NTA. Lynn started to yell at my daughter when I told Lynn it was her responsibility to watch her own f**king kids.. Definitely. My daughter refused, saying it was Lynn’s fault because she let her kids run around like animals.. Right again.

Sea_Jello_8900 −  I don’t think it’s rude for your daughter to have said that AT ALL. If you’re a parent you are required to have 100% responsibility for your children no matter who is present.

If you choose to ask someone else you are doing so as if it is a favor not a requirement for them to do it because they are capable. Her entitlement that other people can watch her kids because they are there is ridiculous. Your daughter is right.

If you’re not mature enough to watch your kids on your own then don’t have more. Complete NTA and do not tell your daughter to apologize. Make your sister apologize for making your kids feel they need to watch hers.

wlfwrtr −  NTA Next time you go over for something and don’t bring your daughter tell the truth when asked where she is. “Daughter is still waiting for an apology from two people who tried to make her responsible for the actions of someone else’s kid because the mother was too irresponsible to watch him herself.

She said she won’t be back until she gets the apology and I agree with her. My 10 year old also won’t be responsible for someone else’s kid so they know now.”

Siriusly_Awesome −  As the older cousin who was stuck watching everyone else’s kids at every single family gathering: THANK YOU! NTA! Your sister is responsible for her own t**ror. End of story.

IanDOsmond −  Just to clarify – your daughter wasn’t even in the room when it happened, right? She left. She wasn’t present, she doesn’t have an inherent duty of care, and care wasn’t specifically transferred to her. As I see it, she has the same degree of responsibility for the situation as I, someone who’s never met any of y’all, do.. NTA

fripi −  NTA so much. Your daughter is perfectly right and her grandmother and Aunt try to push her to be a “good wife” which is scary af.
Your daughter is amazing, send her greetings. And I would definitely insist that ain’t and grandmother apologize if they want to see anyone of you again…. Good luck!

Do you think the Redditor’s approach of not having their daughter clean up after Lynn’s kids was appropriate, or did they take things too far? How would you handle a situation where a relative neglects their children at a family event? Share your thoughts below!