AITA for encouraging my children do disrespect their uncle?

A Redditor shared a tough family dilemma involving her brother, who has been living with their mother to help care for her. Recently, her children visited their grandmother’s home and were shocked to find it in a terrible state, despite her brother’s role in maintaining it.

When her daughter started a livestream showing the mess, her brother was furious, resulting in a tense confrontation. Now, the whole family is divided, with her husband wanting to evict her brother, her daughter refusing to be around him, and her mother feeling caught in the middle. Read the full story below to see the family’s struggle.

‘ AITA for encouraging my children do disrespect their uncle?’

In 2013, my mother was a new widow, and we bought out her remaining mortgage on her home. Mom has been living in that home since but now has Parkinson’s. My brother Nate moved in to help take care of her. Nate had a home health background, so I thought it would be great.

My daughter(17) Sky picked up my son (19) Parker, from college. My family and I were going on vacation for Memorial Day. Parker and Sky made a slight detour to see their grandma. It was about 7 pm, and the house was dark, and they let themselves in. The place was disgusting.

As a teenager, Sky started a livestream and bad-mouthed her uncle, who was supposed to care for my mother and the house. They get to the kitchen, and moldy dishes and bugs are everywhere. My brother comes out screaming at my children for trespassing and ripping my daughter’s phone out of her hand and throwing it.

My daughter’s friends and a cousin on my hubby’s side see it, and the police are called. I’m called, and instead of making our flight for our trip, we are cleaning up my mom’s home. Thankfully my mom’s room was clean, and her bathroom also, but my brother let the house go to s**t and hasn’t been cleaning or doing dishes unless he knew we were coming over and we should show up.

I reminded him it is technically our home, and we paid off the mortgage taxes. The deeds and title are in my name, so my kids can stop by and visit their granny whenever they want. Nate goes into how Sky recorded him and the home, making him look bad.

He may face some legal issues of n**lect because of what people are saying on TikTok, and the police did come to talk to my brother about it. So instead of going away for the weekend cruise, my family is out thousands of dollars and is pissed at Nate. Nate is angry at Sky. My mother is. My husband wants to evict my brother and get a private nurse because my brother can no longer be trusted in “our” home to take care of mom.

My brother acts like he forgot we bought out the home and saying the situation isn’t fair to him because he was acting like mom told him he could have her house for taking care of her and doesn’t know what is really going on and he’s been fighting with Sky and Parker.

Sky refuses to help us clean if Nate is there and my husband wants to press changes and sue my brother but I want to first clean up the house and focus on mom and all sides are mad at me.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

YouthNAsia63 −  It doesn’t matter what your mom told your brother or whatever fantasy he may “believe”. If you have legal proof that house belongs to *you*, well that’s what counts. Evict the inept caretaker and let the chips fall where they may. You got video proof of how that house was really being kept. NTA

Any-Maintenance5828 −  Are you not listening to your husband and daughter? Your brother needs to be evicted! Stop being stupid! Your brother is not taking care of your mom or your house. 

Tricky-Jellyfish-341 −  NTA. Don’t worry about making sense of your brother’s arguments or beliefs – he trashed your house with your mother in it. Lawyer up now, do whatever s/he advises on how to evict him and get the private nurse. You’re so lucky your children showed up.

PuzzleheadedRoyal559 −  NTA, but I’m getting a “maybe this will all just sort itself out” vibe. It won’t. You’re going to have to make some hard decisions that won’t make you popular with everyone.

many_hobbies_gal −  This isn’t about your children being disrespectful. This is about your brother being neglectful towards your mother in regards to your care. Obviously he thought he was getting something for nothing by moving in and providing half-as\*ed care.

I happen to agree with your husband, send him packing and arrange for aides and nurses, if necessary to come in. To many elderly are abused like this and too many turn a blind eye to it. Time for your brother to take up residence elsewhere.. \* edit to add judgement NTA

SybarisEphebos −  Your thesis of. encouraging my children do disrespect their uncle? doesn’t even scratch the surface of what’s going on here.
**ESH except for maybe your kids.** This a difficult situation, but it also has an obvious solution: you must evict your brother. There is no other result that fixes this.

Icy_Yam_3610 −  So NTA but also, the title has nothing to do with the issiues?? She live streamed it y0u didn’t encourage anything

1. This is elder abuse, it needed to be reported even if it makes her sad/mad even though it’s hard it is like if a child was being abused even though the child wants to stay with mom they can’t stay if mom l refuses to feed them

2. Your brother is doing bare minimum for your mom and thinking he will get the house
3. Your brothers job used to be elder care – was there n**lect there too? Worrisom. 4. Did he hurt your daughter?

TheSciFiGuy80 −  I’d say you are NTA if you evict him and hire and private caretaker. I would. Even if he’s taking care of his mom’s room and her bathroom, he’s letting the rest of the house get n**ty. That’s shirking responsibility and still putting your mom in danger healthwise.

But be careful with the whole “we own the house so we can come over anytime we want” ideology. Depending on the laws in the area, that’s not always entirely true.

constaleah −  I’m sorry to tell you this, but your brother may someday claim squatter’s rights and prevent you from evicting him. You’d better figure what to do before he realizes what he COULD do to s**ew you over.. NTA.

silentSnerker −  NTA. Your brother is just mad that there will be consequences for his actions. It’s not reasonable to expect the house be spotless all the time, but if everything is actively moldy and gross, that’s a genuinely different situation from a simple thing like some dishes that need to be done or a lawn that needs mowing.

He had one job, which was to take care of your mother, and he clearly failed and then got mad at the person who caught him rather than apologizing, cleaning up, or in any way dealing with his own failure. It’s not a great call to live stream, but your daughter wasn’t wrong to document the problem instead of just leaving it be.

Was she wrong for allowing her kids to air the situation on social media, or does her brother’s lack of care for their mother’s home justify her actions? How would you handle this family dispute? Share your thoughts below!