AITA For embarrassing my aunt at a baby shower instead of showing tact and declining an invitation request more respectfully?
A teenager declined a request from her mom’s lifelong friend, “Jenny,” to invite Jenny’s daughter, Ellie, on a camping trip. Ellie is known for problematic behavior and a history of entitlement, which the teen and her mom both recognize.
When Jenny hinted at wanting Ellie to be invited, the teen loudly exclaimed, “Oh Hell no!” at a baby shower, embarrassing Jenny. Her mom later scolded her, saying she should have declined more tactfully instead of publicly causing a scene.
The teen feels she was justified in being direct to avoid any further discussion or pressure. read the original story below…
‘ AITA For embarrassing my aunt at a baby shower instead of showing tact and declining an invitation request more respectfully?’
My mom and “Jenny” have been best friends since they were little, we aren’t actually related but I still call her “Aunt Jenny.” Jenny’s daughter “Ellie” is also 16 and Jenny is sadly the kind of mom who thinks Ellie is never wrong. Here were some examples from over the years:
Ellie stole a hair ribbon from another girl? The other girl was lying because she was jealous of Ellie. The teacher gave Ellie an F because she didn’t do the work? The teacher is also jealous of Ellie. (Also yea I know there are bad teachers out there and have had a few myself. But every single one and all the time? Really?)
Ellie’s sister “Annie” hasn’t talked to Ellie since moving out? Nothing happened and Jenny has no idea why Annie is refusing contact. (Jenny is so in denial about this one especially. Something obviously happened that Jenny doesn’t want to admit to.)
Mom notices this too, but she usually just changes the subject away from Ellie but never says anything about it directly to Jenny because she doesn’t want it to hurt the friendship. Jenny usually does take the hint and changes the subject.
Mom took me to a baby shower where Jenny happened to be, so they obviously talked and my mom mentioned that me and my friends have a camping trip planned soon. Jenny was openly hinting that I she wanted me to invite Ellie too. Mom picked up on it and basically tried inviting Ellie along.
So before she finished her sentence I loudly said “Oh Hell no!” Jenny clearly wasn’t happy, and Mom told me that my trip was cancelled. By the time we got home, she luckily changed her mind about canceling the trip but was still pissed at me.
I said that her and Jenny have been friends forever, but I didn’t choose to be Ellie’s friend, and didn’t want her coming along. Mom said she knows I don’t have a great opinion of Ellie and that she knows Ellie has plenty of issues,
but I should have declined respectfully instead of embarrassing Jenny and was capable of saying something like “Sorry, I would prefer nobody else come since we don’t have room or supplies for another person/my friends aren’t comfortable with someone they know well coming along”.
I realize I could have been more respectful, but I was also trying to put a stop to that immediately. Also, we got some looks, just because I admit I was pretty loud, but everyone outside of Jenny and Mom seemed to move on almost immediately. So I think she’s turning the “embarrassment” into a bigger deal than it actually was. AITA?
Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:
TheGoldDragonHylan − NTA. A lot are going with YTA, but I’ll say something about the “hint hint, nudge nudge” crowd, especially when they’re in denial; they ignore soft nos. Could you have been more polite, at least for the first one? Sure, but would it have worked?
And, as this wasn’t just your trip, you had a responsibility to hold the group’s boundaries.
AffectionateCable793 − NTA but it should really be Justified AH. While yes, it could have been handled more tactfully, something tells me that “Aunt Jenny” is the kind of person who pushes people to accept Ellie. She would have said stuff like Ellie is just 1 person.
It won’t be too hard to accommodate 1 more. Or that Ellie just wants to bond or some crap like that. Sometimes an emphatic no is needed to nip that in the bud.
_s1m0n_s3z − NTA. Your mom’s the one at fault. She should not have been trying to invite someone to *your* camping trip without talking to you, first. If she hadn’t been shooting her mouth off, trying to give away something that was not hers to give, you wouldn’t have had to say anything, and no one would have been embarrassed.
photosbeersandteach − NTA. Tell your mom if she wants you to respond to others who are being rude with respect, she should hold herself to the same standard and treat you with respect. Inviting a person she knows you strongly dislike to your camping trip was rude and disrespectful.
midcen-mod1018 − NTA. Your mom was rude first by trying to suggest Ellie come on your trip. I don’t think you’re TA because people sometimes have knee j**k reactions when they are put in unexpected positions and they might panic a bit. Your mom set you up to be the bad guy whether you were graceful about it or not. That was wrong.
Lanky-giraffe-100 − I don’t get all the YTA judgements. Your Mom and Jenny are clearly the assholes here. Jenny is delusional about her child and your Mom tried to compromise you. You were right to protect yourself against people that have no respect for other people’s boundaries. Your Mom failed to protect you.
CalicoHippo − NTA. You’re 16. Your mom seems to expect you to have more tact and diplomacy than she does. Classic example of a parent getting upset when the kid acts like a kid! Lesson learned for you, now you know other phrases to use if a similar situation happens again.
KingGuinevere − NTA. Ask your mom how you were supposed to “tactfully decline” when she was in the middle of inviting her on your behalf? You’d have been in trouble either way. At least THIS way everyone is well aware that Ellie won’t be welcome.
Firm_Wrongdoer5773 − NTA. You’re too old for your mom to pick your friends. Ellie’s sister going NC is a big red flag. Was your reaction a little over the top? Sure. But you’re 16. Goes with the territory. Your mom is an adult and was trying to force a play date on you. While tact is a nice skill to have, drawing your boundaries and sticking to them is a more important life skill.
While it’s fair to set boundaries, the way you addressed the situation was unnecessarily harsh in a public setting, which escalated tensions. A calmer, more respectful response could have avoided the fallout while still standing your ground. That said, Jenny’s constant excuses for Ellie’s behavior likely contributed to your frustration. what do you think? share your thoughts below!