AITA for embarrassing a student?
A first-year elementary teacher gave one of her advanced students, Warren, higher-level worksheets. When another student, Mia, asked to try his worksheets, she struggled and ended up crying.
Mia’s parents were upset and demanded the teacher name her colleagues who advised giving Mia the worksheets. After the incident, both Mia and Warren’s parents criticized the teacher and her colleagues on social media, labeling them as bullies. read the original story below…
‘ AITA for embarrassing a student?’
I (23F) am a first year elementary teacher, I currently teach the 5th grade. It’s been a huge adjustment from college to teaching, but I enjoy it. One of my students (11M), (who we’ll call Warren, not using real names) is VERY advanced. He’s in the 99th percentile for IQ and is way above grade level in all academic areas.
He’s autistic, but quite social, and is close friends with a group of boys he plays basketball with. His friends are all in grade level or slightly above, no where near him. Warren is a sweet kid, but if he’s not being academically stimulated, he’ll be acting like a class clown and distracting the class..
There’s this concept in education called differentiated instruction, which is basically about meeting kids at various levels in the same classroom. When learning about a topic, I give Warren late high school or early college level reading materials, as that is what challenges him..
Warren has a cousin (11F) in our class who we’ll call Mia. Mia is slightly below grade level, she doesn’t show any signs of autism and has different interests than Warren. They don’t talk much together in class, but they don’t argue.
The only argument they got into was when Mia made a racially insensitive comment to a classmate (who’s the only POC in my room), Warren tried explaining why her comment was wrong to her but she didn’t understand before I had to talk to her.
Last Tuesday, I asked the class what they did over the break. Mia mentioned how their family celebrated Easter, she said Warren was acting “strange”, the first thing she brought up was him being atheist (his parents are religious) and how she didn’t get it, then she said he had “weird worksheets”.
Apparently, he brought some of his homework to Easter and Mia saw it. She asked why his worksheets have “so many big words” compared to the ones her and her friends got. I tried explaining why, but I didn’t want any of the kids to feel dumb so I didn’t really give a great answer, just “it’s what he likes”.
Mia kept asking if she could try his worksheets, because “she can know big words to”. I was unsure what to do as a first year, so I asked some colleagues and they said to just give her one of his worksheets. We were doing an English assignment on a book we read in class..
She came crying to me when she couldn’t do it, and got virtually every answer wrong. I told her I wouldn’t count it and she could have her old worksheet.
The next day, I got a call from Mia’s parents, they were screaming and asked why I made her cry, after I explained what happened, they told me they wanted me to name the teachers that told me to give her a copy of Warren’s worksheet because they wanted to “make sure they learn a lesson”,
I told them their names in a panic and hung up and then went to admin to explain the situation, who were sympathetic. Since then, both Mia and Warren’s parents have been posting on Facebook about my colleagues, calling them “bullies”, AITA?
Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:
KronkLaSworda − ESH Helicopter parents s**k. Especially parents of below average students. **SOURCE**: 2nd hand, my partner is a High School teacher.
You also gave out the names of coworkers for them to harass. I’ll be damned if I ever helped you with anything again or gave you advice. **SOURCE:** Life.
WhyCommentQueasy − I think YTA because you threw all of your coworkers under the bus and caused problems for them and the school just because some helicopter parents got upset.
Dear-Midnight − Yikes on bikes. I think the big misstep here was agreeing to give out your colleagues’ names.. Mia’s parents sound like bullies. Having been a first-year teacher myself, I’m not going to call you an AH for any of this because you didn’t see it coming.
But I wouldn’t have sent the worksheet home with Mia. Just let her sit down with it quietly for a bit and then, when she couldn’t do it, say that’s fine, we’ll put it away for now and you can tell me when you want to try it again.
(With the unspoken understanding, at least on your part, that that might be never.) That way Mia’s dignity is preserved, and Mia’s parents don’t have anything to squawk about. Mia’s past behavior problems are not part of the issue because she’s 11 and should start each day with a clean slate.
[Reddit User] − ESH. Mia’s parents are ridiculous but you threw your co-workers under the bus. I doubt they’ll be going out of their way to help you in the future
badclyde − YTA. You shouldn’t have given Mia work that she wouldn’t have a chance of completing, that’s a confidence destroying move. The other student’s finding out about how drastically different Warren’s work is from there was an inevitability you and the administration should have planned for and had an explanation ready.
Regardless “Hmmm, I’m not sure what you mean right now Mia, but we can go over it at the end of class.” and shut the conversation down there by moving on to the next student. Then you threw your coworkers, who have minimal if any blame for the situation, under the bus because you made the wrong decision.
She came crying to me when she couldn’t do it, and got virtually every answer wrong. I told her I wouldn’t count it and she could have her old worksheet.
It was going to be an everybody stinks verdict from me until I reread this gem.
You gave her the worksheet **in place of her standard work?** It should have been a bonus sheet she could try, not something she thought could count towards her grade.
Her parent’s should have been more understanding considering their relationship to Warren, but you set Mia up for failure and then threw your colleagues under the bus when the consequences presented themselves. Hopefully they’re forgiving, or Its going to be awkward at work going forward.
sbgkhzhd − Gentle YTA mostly for throwing your fellow teachers under the bus when you went to them for advice and choose to follow their response to a T instead of finding a creative solution. A good compromise would’ve been to do one of the worksheets with the entire class together.
It’s both a challenge and team building exercise that includes everyone rather than making one child feel lesser than another bc they don’t have the same skill set yet.
Dairinn − If you’re a new teacher, you kind of screwed up by naming names. You need to build rapport with more experienced teachers, and learn to resist b**lying done by parents. In time, of course, but you did mess up. If you’re trying to write an episode of Young Sheldon, it’s not very good.
Pleasant-Thing-3239 − if you haven’t, apologize to the coworkers. they were first year teachers, too, and probably have horror stories about parents. You should not have mentioned their names, but what’s done is done. I would buy them each a bottle of wine. We all f**k up, don’t feel too bad.
tinyd71 − As a new teacher, it’s common practice to ask more experience colleagues for ideas etc. about new situations, or things they likely know more about. And, as you noted, it’s called “differentiated instruction”. Mia’s parents should speak with her about being more focused on her own work, and not worrying about what other kids (even if they’re her cousin) are doing (commonly known as minding her own business).
You are NTA although I assume you regret panicking and naming your colleagues. Your colleagues are also NTAs. Parents who feel the need to police situations and then use social media to share their rants are AHs.
QueenofHearts018 − SlightYTA for throwing your coworkers under the bus. But you’re a first year teacher, so it’s understandable you aren’t the best at dealing with e**itled helicopter parents
What do you think? Share your thoughts below!
