AITA for eating my husband’s entire birthday cake by myself?
Birthdays are meant to be a celebration with loved ones, but what happens when your spouse chooses toxic family over you? OP (26F) has a strained relationship with her in-laws, especially after they blamed her for her recent miscarriage. For her mental well-being, she’s cut them off, but her husband (29M) still maintains a close bond with them.
For his 30th birthday, OP planned a special celebration at home with cake and gifts. However, her husband ditched her to attend his family’s party instead, claiming their celebrations were “like no other.” Hurt and frustrated, OP called him, but he turned off his phone.
Feeling abandoned, she ate the entire birthday cake herself. When her husband came home and saw what she had done, he blew up, calling her “petty” and “nuts.” Now, OP wonders—was she just being childish, or was this a justified reaction?
‘AITA for eating my husband’s entire birthday cake by myself?’
Expert Opinion:
The Real Issue: Emotional Neglect, Not Cake
According to relationship therapist Dr. John Gottman, marriage should be a partnership where spouses prioritize each other above external influences—especially when in-laws are harmful. By choosing his family over his wife, OP’s husband sent a clear message about where his loyalties lie.
This isn’t about the cake—it’s about OP’s husband repeatedly abandoning her emotionally, even after her miscarriage. Her reaction wasn’t just about dessert; it was about feeling dismissed and unimportant.
Why His Reaction is a Red Flag
Psychologist Dr. Ramani Durvasula explains that gaslighting often occurs when one partner minimizes the other’s pain. Instead of acknowledging how he hurt OP, her husband focused on the cake, calling her “petty” to avoid taking responsibility.
By turning off his phone and refusing to communicate, he ensured OP couldn’t express her feelings in real-time, making her feel even more isolated.
Solutions & Next Steps for OP
- Couples Therapy: A neutral third party can help OP and her husband address his family’s toxicity and his failure to prioritize their marriage.
- Setting Boundaries with In-Laws: OP’s husband must recognize that his family’s treatment of her is unacceptable, and if he continues to engage with them, it can’t be at OP’s expense.
- A Serious Conversation About Priorities: OP should clearly express that this isn’t about cake—it’s about being dismissed in favor of people who have hurt her deeply. If he refuses to see the problem, it may be time to reevaluate the relationship.
Here’s what Redditors had to say:
This wasn’t about cake—it was about a husband who repeatedly chooses his toxic family over his wife. OP didn’t just eat a cake; she acted out her frustration over being left behind on an already painful day.
Should OP’s husband have realized the deeper issue at hand, or was eating the whole cake really a step too far? Drop your thoughts below!