AITA for eating meat in front of my vegan date?
A Reddit user shares how their decision to order a cheeseburger during a dinner date with a vegan sparked a disagreement. While the user sees no harm in eating what they like, the vegan date felt it was disrespectful to their convictions, leaving the user questioning if they acted insensitively. Read the full story below…
‘ AITA for eating meat in front of my vegan date?’
Here’s the backstory: I (F32) met this absolutely amazing guy (M35). Funny, brilliant, intelligent… and vegan (so no meat, no fish, no cheese…) ! On our third date, he brought it up and explained his convictions, etc. About an hour later, we decided to order.
He chose the vegetarian dish on the menu. I went for the burger (which, to be fair, was dripping with cheese). From my perspective, he’s free to eat what he wants. But I have no intention of becoming vegan or even vegetarian myself. So, I simply ordered what I felt like eating at that moment.
A few days later, we talked again over text, and he called me out on it. For him, it was a real lack of tact on my part and pretty disrespectful of his convictions, which he had shared just an hour before we ordered. Now I’m feeling a bit confused about the situation.
I like him, but I don’t really see where the disrespect lies in my actions. What’s your take on this? (Please don’t respond if you’re anti-vegan. This isn’t about criticizing him specifically, but rather about evaluating my own reaction during that dinner).
Here’s how people reacted to the post:
KaliTheBlaze − So he expects his convictions to control the actions of someone he’s just getting to know? Yeah, that sounds real healthy and balanced. Write this one off as incompatible unless you’re happy to change your mind about being a vegan,
because if he expects you to not order animal products or byproducts in front of him at this stage, he’s probably going to insist that you not order them at all if you two become a serious committed item.
If you’re lucky, he might wait until you move in together to tell you that no animal products or byproducts are allowed in the life of his significant other at all, not even when you go out with friends or family without him (and it sounds like he’ll also expect your friends and family to make all gatherings vegan or he’ll make a stink).
NTA. He can decide that he has a boundary of only dating other vegans, and thus decide that you’re not a good dating option for him, but it’s controlling for him to demand you change your eating patterns to suit his convictions.
Paul-Kersey − you were under no obligation to follow his diet on a date. as far as being disrespectful of his convictions, it doesn’t appear that you tried to make him take a bite of your burger so I would disagree on that aspect too. he sounds like the kinda person who gives vegetarians/vegans a bad name. NTA
[Reddit User] − NTA What does someone else’s veganism have to do with what you order to eat? A vegan diet is a diet, it’s not a personality unless someone tries to make their dietary preferences their persona. I respect my friends that keep kosher but it doesn’t stop me from eating a cheese burger or bacon in front of them.
A few days later, we talked again over text, and he called me out on it. For him, it was a real lack of tact on my part and pretty. disrespectful of his convictions, which he had shared just an hour before we ordered. And there you go, the guy you casually are seeing thinks vegan is a personality.
TwinkleFey − NTA. If he can’t kiss a meat eater, he needs to only date vegans. You would only be TA if you lied about being vegan.
BeatificBanana − I’m vegan myself, so you know this comment isn’t coming from someone simply judging the guy for being vegan.
You are NTA here. He is in the wrong. Some vegans are 100% OK with friends/partners eating meat in front of them.
Others are not, because it’s too upsetting, off-putting, nauseating, etc. Both are valid ways to feel. Can’t help how you feel. However, if they belong to Camp B, it is up to them to make sure they avoid their triggers – they can’t expect others to change their behaviour to cater to them.
For example, if they can’t handle the person they’re dating eating meat around them, it’s probably best that they only date fellow vegans. It makes little sense to date an omnivore and expect them to change their diet when they’re around you.
I suppose there would have been no harm in him asking beforehand if you’d please consider choosing a vegan option at dinner, but you’d have been free to say no and he’d have had to respect that.
It was absolutely not right of him to just expect you to not order meat without asking you first, then not saying anything when you place your order, and then only later accuse you of being disrespectful and tactless. I wouldn’t date this guy anymore, if I were you.
First and foremost his communication and conflict resolution skills are poor. But secondly, if he can’t handle you eating animal products on your first date then how is he going to feel if you end up living together?
He’d probably expect you to keep a fully vegan household and that’s obviously not something you want to do, so you’re not a good match.
4th_chakra − I simply ordered what I felt like eating at that moment. and he called me out on it. He doesn’t get to control what you eat, any more than you get to tell him being a vegan is wrong.
For him, it was a real lack of tact on my part and pretty disrespectful of his convictions. The lack of tact was wholly his. If he is going to be upset about what other people eat, he’d better get used to eating alone. At least you found this out on the 3rd date. Time to move on.. NTA.
baka-tari − he called me out on it. There’s nothing to call out. He explained his point of view and I’m sure he listened to yours. Your response should be “Noted, and I’m still having the burger.” Just because he’s vegan doesn’t mean you have to comply with his way of eating.
By doing this, he is literally trying to force you to conform to his lifestyle choices. If this is what you got after a few dates . . . trust me, it’s not getting any better down the road. Any time you’re with him, he’ll expect you to conform to his standard.. NTA
Available-Fail-8090 − NTA. He should make sure his dates are already vegan if he’s gonna act like this. Where would it end? No meat on future dates? No meat in your shared space? You’re disrespectful for eating meat behind his back?. Run girl.
BeautifulIncrease734 − it’s the fact that I ate meat in front of him (right after he talked about it and considering we might potentially kiss afterward). Why doesn’t he date another vegan then and let the rest of people eat at peace. NTA.. called me out on it. . a real lack of tact on my part . pretty disrespectful
He could’ve just said “I’m sorry, I don’t feel we’re compatible, I’m not comfortable with this, etc.”, but he decided to chastise you. Was he trying to shame you into obedience? Good riddance, OP.
badassmillz − Lol… If eating meat is an end all be all for this guy then you are not the one for him. He can’t expect you to change your HEALTH/lifestyle because he feels some type of way about eating animal products.
My sister & one of my friends are vegan. I will accommodate their meals if they come over or I will pick a restaurant that offers vegan options, or we go to a vegan restaurant.
This is occasionally, but by no means do they feel offended when everyone around them eats meat. This dude needs to put that out there from the get-go ! And not s**t on anyone else for what they eat.. Crazy. NTA
Was the user’s choice to eat meat during the dinner inconsiderate of their date’s beliefs, or was it a reasonable assertion of their own dietary preferences? Should dietary differences affect compatibility in a relationship? Share your thoughts below!