AITA for eating at the same restaurant as my husband’s family?

A Reddit user shares her frustration about being excluded from her husband’s monthly family dinners, while his brothers’ significant others are always invited. Feeling hurt and left out, she decided to make her own reservation at the same restaurant during their dinner, leading to a tense encounter. Now, she’s questioning if her actions crossed the line. Read the full story below to see how it played out.

‘ AITA for eating at the same restaurant as my husband’s family?’

I (32F) have been married to my husband (35M) for 3 years. We dated for 2 years before that. I want to start this off by saying that he really is a good guy in other areas. My husband’s parents, his 2 brothers (ages 38 and 40ish), and his brothers’ girlfriends/fiancées have a tradition of going out to dinner once a month. I am invited about 50% of the time. I’ve talked to my husband’s brother’s fiancée, and she says she is invited every time.

When I say I’m not invited, I mean that my husband tells me “I’m going to the family dinner. It’s probably best if you sit this one out.” When I expressed that I wanted to come, he told me that it would be for the best if I didn’t. It has caused several fights.

About a week ago, my husband went to a family dinner that I wasn’t invited to. I was very pissed. So earlier that day, I called and made a reservation at the restaurant they were going to. My husband left the house, not knowing about my reservations, and I left 15 minutes after him.

I ended up seated at a table where I couldn’t see his family. So I got up as if I was going to the bathroom and walked right past them. They were all there, including his brothers’ SOs. My husband looked completely shocked and asked me what I was doing there. I told him that I had just been dying for a steak, so I came and got one at the restaurant.

My mother in law said it was very rude of me to interrupt their family dinner. I pointed out that I wasn’t trying to join them, I was just going to the bathroom. I told them to have a good meal and I left. I went and finished my steak by myself.

My husband was really pissed when he came home, and he told me that he couldn’t believe how much of an a**hole I had been. I said that he was an a**hole for not inviting me to his dinners when his brothers’ SOs got to go. My husband said that the decision to invite was between him and his family, and I should respect it. Anyway, with the way the word a**hole was thrown around, it made me think of this sub. So I wanted to ask if I am the a**hole. Am I?

Edit: I don’t know how to add an update in this sub, so there is an update posted to my profile

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

abrignac −  NTA, husband and family are AH and you might want really think about why you’re being left out.

Blood_Fire-exe −  NTA. Sounds to me like they need to grow up. I also read a couple of your replies to other comments and it sounds like their r**ist too. Although, maybe you could try to get through to him, say for example have a conversation and articulate how you feel towards this. If this doesn’t work then you might want to reconsider your marriage.

TheOnlyHiro −  I know your probably not gonna read ALL the comments, but I had to respond. If your husband was ignorant of his family he’d have fought to bring you until they just outright had to explain themselves. He didn’t, so he’s either completely spineless, or also r**ist, or both.

Not to be a d**k, but you don’t have to not be r**ist to sleep with someone. You just gave to be really in denial about it, or be really m**ipulative. Not saying he couldn’t redeem himself, but definitely a make or break going forward. This is a big deal, he either needs to confront his family and owes you serious apologies and working on his issues, or what? It’s your life OP, but can you swallow that amount of dismissal from your new “family”.. You really shouldn’t.

Sad-Notice-309 −  NTA. I have never heard of anything this absurd (in real life anyway). Superglue the fly to ALL his pants right now!

GRENERGY_7 −  Leave this realtionship pls

GScreator −  NTA. This was literally the exact situation that lead to my divorce. My ex husbands brothers So’s were all included in group texts and always invited, while I was quite literally not even told about events and my husband would go to them without me. He’s choosing his family’s feeling sour respect for you.

Misty5303 −  NTA. MIL made it very clear you’re not family and that’s why you’re not invited. Your husband has also made it very clear he doesn’t consider you family. I know you said he’s a good guy in other areas but all it takes is this ONE area to be bad. It would be the tipping point for me. He chose to marry you and that makes you family legally. He’s sending a message loud and clear that the separation and discrimination is acceptable behavior and he condones it. Time for him to pick a side.

HawkPleasant5675 −  NTA but also girl why are you still with him? He’s showing you who he is and you deserve so much better. This is not it.

Ptipi −  INFO. Is there anything you can think of that would make his family not want to invite you? I’m very heavily leaning towards NTA and it’s suspicious that they still invite you half the time, but I don’t want to jump to conclusions

Do you think her decision to show up at the restaurant was justified, or did it escalate the situation unnecessarily? How would you handle being excluded from family events like this? Share your thoughts below!