AITA for doting on my buddies pregnant wife?
When trying to help out during pregnancy, the last thing you expect is for your good intentions to spark insecurity. Our OP, a 31-year-old woman, shares her story about a night out on a boat that turned awkward when her efforts to help her best friend’s pregnant wife led to unforeseen fallout. While both she and her best friend, Chris, are expecting babies, their approaches to care are very different.
OP prides herself on being supportive and taking on any little task to ease her own wife’s discomfort as she nears her due date. However, during a boat trip with Chris and his wife, Polly, OP’s attempt to help turned sour when his own wife felt sidelined—complaining that while he doted on Polly by fetching everything she asked for, he missed the one simple request from his own wife. Now, with hurt feelings and insecurity bubbling over,
OP wonders if she’s in the wrong for acting the way she did, or if her reaction was justified. In a moment meant to be about support and fun, family dynamics and unspoken expectations clashed. OP explains that while her intentions were pure, her wife’s reaction and subsequent insecurity have left their relationship strained. So, is OP the asshole for her behavior, or is it a miscommunication rooted in deeper issues of attention and care?
‘AITA for doting on my buddies pregnant wife?’
Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist specializing in relationship dynamics, explains, “It’s commendable to help your partner when they’re in need—especially during pregnancy—but communication is key. When one partner feels overlooked, even unintentional oversights can be deeply hurtful. It sounds like OP’s intentions were good, but the lack of clear communication about specific needs led to feelings of neglect.” (kidshealth.org)
Family therapist Dr. Susan Johnson adds, “When you’re managing two relationships at once—one with your best friend’s family and one with your own—it’s easy for boundaries to blur. The crucial part is ensuring that your partner’s voice is heard. While OP tried to emulate the supportive behavior he practices with his friend’s wife, he missed a key detail that was important to his own wife. That omission, however inadvertent, has triggered insecurity.
Both partners need to express their expectations clearly. It might help to establish a signal or a check-in when out socially so that both feel equally attended to.” Both experts stress that while helping out is positive, failing to catch crucial requests—especially in emotionally charged situations like pregnancy—can lead to misunderstandings that must be addressed through honest communication and active listening.
Take a look at the comments from fellow users:
Many redditors empathize with OP, noting that it’s frustrating to feel like a third wheel when you’re trying to be supportive. “If you genuinely missed one simple request, that’s human—but it’s important to listen carefully, especially when your partner is anxious,” one commenter wrote.
Ultimately, the OP’s story highlights the importance of clear communication and attentiveness in relationships. While his intention to help and lighten his wife’s burden during pregnancy is commendable, the oversight in missing her specific request has led to feelings of neglect and insecurity.
Do you think it’s fair to view this as a simple miscommunication, or does it reveal deeper issues about balancing attention between different relationships? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below—what would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation?