AITA for donating my daughters college fund instead of giving it to my step daughter to help buy a house?

A Reddit user is dealing with tension in their family after the tragic loss of their daughter in a car accident. The user had been saving a college fund for her daughter, and after her passing, the user decided to donate the money to environmental charities in her honor.

However, their new husband and stepdaughter believe that part of the money should be given to help the stepdaughter buy a house. The user is conflicted, as they want to honor their daughter’s memory but are now facing pressure from their husband and stepdaughter. To learn more about the situation and the reactions of others, read the full story below…

‘ AITA for donating my daughters college fund instead of giving it to my step daughter to help buy a house?’

So I have a 16 year old daughter that passed away in a car accident October 19th. I’ve been collecting a college fund for her since she was young, my ex husband and I both put money into it as well as she put some of her paychecks from work into it, and it’s about $25,000 full.

I recently got remarried to a man who has a 30 year old daughter. My step daughter doesn’t like me, because I’m only 3 years older than her, my husband is significantly older than I am. My daughter was very passionate about the environment, and my ex husband and I discussed what we would do with the college fund.

My husband says it was my daughter and I can do what I feel is right to honor her. We decided to divide it and we would each donate to charities we felt would make our daughter proud.

My step daughter however thinks we should split it evenly and she should get some cushion for buying a house, since I’m married to her father and that makes my contribution his money too. She thinks donating *essentially* $13000 wouldn’t mean anything to a big charity and I could help someone I know in real life.

My husband has since joined her side and thinks $13000 would help her buy a house and we can honor my daughter in another way. AITA for not wanting to change my plans?

These are the responses from Reddit users:

[Reddit User] −  NTA. What a greedy young woman your stepdaughter is! That wouldn’t be “honoring your daughter”, really, as it has nothing to do with her. Stick to your guns.

Virulencer −  NTA. She is not entitled to your daughters college fund. I’m actually appalled that should would even ask for it. More so that her father has taken her side. I’m astounded that people like this actually exist.

snarky24 −  NTA. Your stepdaughter and husband are being really u**y here. They are not at all entitled to money you, your ex-husband, and your daughter put into a college fund. Their disrespect for your choice in how to honor your daughter and obvious money-grubbing is making my stomach turn here.

wreck-it-ryan6 −  NTA. I would burn that money before giving a penny to that entitled 30 year old. I’m not sure why she evens knows about the money or thinks she has any say in how it’s spent.

meeper_meeps −  Imagine being so selfish that you make your stepmother take her dead daughter’s money to help buy her a house. NTA.

Bearmancartoons −  NTA. Your ex has a bigger say than either of them in how to spend the money.

[Reddit User] −  NTA I’m way down here in Narnia so you probably won’t see this but I think it would be a GREAT idea if you made your portion into a scholarship honoring your daughter in a field of study that relates to her interest. You could do $1000 scholarship a year for 13 years.

Her memory can live on. Have some criteria like an essa for the applicants to write regarding loss or the field of study and why they’re going into it. You’ll be rewarded reading other stories as well

[Reddit User] −  NTA. $13,000 is a significant gift no matter what size the charity is. More importantly, this is not about your stepdaughter and her needs. It’s about honoring your daughter and what you feel she would have wanted.

You need to remind your husband of his initial position on the matter, be clear you’re sticking to that, and let him sort out how to come up with $13k of his own money for his kid if he thinks it’s that important.

MartyTheSpiteGnome −  NTA. Neither she, nor her father, have even the tiniest bit of say in how you spend money that you and your ex husband saved for your daughter. If he pushes back on that because his daughter is upset about it, he’s as bad as his daughter, and you’d be well rid of them both.. I’m so sorry for your loss.

fading__blue −  NTA. First off, your stepdaughter is thirty years old; she’s no longer entitled to her parents’ financial support, so even if you weren’t donating the cash, you still wouldn’t be obligated to give her any. Secondly, she’s seeing your daughter’s d**th as an opportunity to get her hands on as much of that cash as she can,

instead of being respectful of your grief. You’re not being an a**hole by not enabling her selfishness and greed; if anything, you’d be an a**hole to your dead daughter’s memory if you *did* give that money to someone who saw her d**th as nothing but a cash grab.