AITA for doing the same thing to my sister-in-law that she does to my son?

When family conflicts collide with parenting styles, where do we draw the line between correction and cruelty? A mother retaliates against her sister-in-law (SIL) for harshly policing her bilingual son’s language mix-ups, sparking a debate about fairness, developmental norms, and the ethics of “eye-for-an-eye” behavior.

‘ AITA for doing the same thing to my sister-in-law that she does to my son?’

Expert Opinions:

Bilingual Language Development
Dr. François Grosjean, a psycholinguistics expert, states in Bilingual: Life and Reality: “Code-mixing (mixing languages) is normal and temporary. Children naturally separate languages as they grow. Correcting them harshly can cause anxiety and delay progress.” SIL’s approach contradicts developmental best practices.

The Impact of Negative Reinforcement
Dr. Becky Kennedy, clinical psychologist and author of Good Inside, explains: “Ignoring a child’s communication attempts—especially when their needs are clear—damages trust and self-esteem. SIL’s behavior was punitive, not constructive.”

Sibling Dynamics and Conflict Resolution
Dr. John Gottman, relationship expert, notes: “Retaliation escalates conflict. While the writer’s frustration is valid, mirroring SIL’s behavior models poor conflict resolution for the child. A calm, direct conversation would have been more effective.”

Cultural and Linguistic Sensitivity
Linguist Dr. Ingrid Piller writes in Language on the Move: “Mocking or policing language ‘purity’—whether a child’s mix-ups or an adult’s slang—reflects linguistic prejudice. Both SIL and the writer weaponized language norms to shame each other.”

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Redditors are divided: Supporters: “SIL deserved a taste of her own medicine. Protecting your son matters more than politeness.” Critics: “Two wrongs don’t make a right. You stooped to her level and confused your son further.” Neutral: “SIL’s behavior was awful, but publicly shaming her just created more family drama.”

This AITA story forces a tough question: Does defending your child justify mirroring harmful behavior, or does it perpetuate a cycle of pettiness? While SIL’s actions endangered the boy’s confidence, the writer’s retaliation prioritized “justice” over resolution. Was the lesson worth the fallout, or should she apologize to model maturity? Where would you draw the line? Share your take below!