AITA for doing the same? In-Law Visits exclude me from their Brunch/Dinners “As a Family”?

When you marry into a family, how much should cultural differences or traditions dictate your inclusion—or exclusion—from family events? A husband (30M) faces repeated exclusion from his in-laws’ outings during their visits, culminating in a heated confrontation that leaves his wife and her Middle Eastern family in tears. The story raises questions about respect, communication, and cultural dynamics in blended families.

‘AITA for doing the same? In-Law Visits exclude me from their Brunch/Dinners “As a Family”?’

Expert Opinions

Cultural Dynamics and Exclusion in Families
Dr. Mona Amer, a psychologist specializing in cross-cultural family dynamics, notes that Middle Eastern families often prioritize blood relations in social rituals. In her Journal of Cross-Cultural Psychology study, she explains: “In-law exclusion can stem from cultural norms where marital bonds are seen as secondary to lifelong family ties. Open dialogue about expectations is critical to bridging this gap.”

Communication Breakdown in Marriage
Dr. John Gottman, renowned for his work on marital conflict, emphasizes proactive communication. In The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, he warns: “Stonewalling or passive aggression—like withholding plans—erodes trust. Partners must create shared rituals to foster unity, especially when cultural differences exist.”

Emotional Impact of Exclusion
A 2022 Family Process study highlights that repeated exclusion can trigger “relational trauma,” leading to outbursts like the husband’s sarcastic retort. Dr. Sue Johnson, creator of Emotionally Focused Therapy, advises: “When one partner feels marginalized, it’s essential to address the hurt directly rather than retaliate, which deepens the rift.”

Solutions Proposed by Experts:

• Cultural Mediation: Involve a counselor familiar with Middle Eastern family structures to facilitate respectful boundaries.
• Shared Calendars: Use tools like family apps to ensure transparency about plans.
• Repair Attempts: Gottman’s research stresses the need for immediate apologies after hurtful remarks (e.g., the wife’s name-calling).

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Summarized Reddit Feedback:

NTA: “Excluding someone in their own home is cruel. Your wife’s insults crossed a line.”

ESH: “Retaliating with ‘Oscar’ comments escalated things. Both need to communicate better.”

Cultural Context Matters: “In some cultures, spouses aren’t included in family events. This should’ve been discussed earlier.”