AITA for doing the absolute minimum chores after my girlfriend parents implied I wasn’t a man and she agreed with them?

A Reddit user shares his frustration after being criticized by his girlfriend and her parents for not being handy around the house, despite taking care of most household chores.

Feeling unsupported and hurt by their comments, he decides to scale back his contributions to focus on becoming their version of a “real man.” Read the full story below to see how this situation unfolded.

‘ AITA for doing the absolute minimum chores after my girlfriend parents implied I wasn’t a man and she agreed with them?’

Sorry if some of sentences feel awkward, I am not a native speaker. I work from home and my job is relaxed and doesn’t require me to be glued to the screen, my girlfriend works in a stressful customer service job and most of her days are terrible.

In the 2 years we’ve been living together, I do practically all the chores around the house and I try to treat her to like a queen when she comes back home. However, the one thing I can’t do is be a handyman no matter how easy the task is.

A few months ago, the bathroom door hinges needed replacing so I called a friend to help. Last week during lunch with her parents, I asked her dad about the project he was working on (he does woodworking as a hobby).

He showed me the progress on his phone and suggested I should help him with the last touches. My girlfriend told him that I can’t even replace door hinges let alone help with that.

Her mom said that every man should know how to fix things around the house and her husband agreed with her. The remainder of lunch was very awkward, it was like they were my real parents and were disappointed of me for being a huge failure. After we left, I told my girlfriend that I didn’t expect their reaction.

Instead of taking my side, she said that they were right because it was embarrassing that I need to call a friend to help with something trivial. I reminded her that I get nervous and anxious everytime I touch a tool.

I admitted it was stupid but it’s just the way I am and has been very honest with her since the start. Still she didn’t change her mind. I told her that since their idea of being a man is twisted I must share the same view and start working on being their version of a man. I told her that I will stop cooking for her.

And I’ll stop doing the dishes, laundry and cleaning. The only thing that I would keep doing is taking the trash out and grocery shopping. So I could focus my time and effort on becoming a man.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

PICKLESnBILLITH −  Nta- and I’m about to pull up with some petty s**t as a woman, but you should hit her with the “since I do all the housework, I’ve decided you make a s**t woman and you need to step up to the man or woman plate.

Your choice of which, but right now you’re neither.”
That gendered thinking is a deal breaker. Do you identify as a man?? Then you are man enough.

FedeRreal −  NTA. I will be direct, if she thinks really that, you should leave her, because in the future she will have you suffer, I talk by my experience, I stayed 4 years with someone that always told me I wasn’t a man and to this day, 5 years later, I feel like s**t and that I’m not enough.

rickybobbybobby −  Why would you stay with someone who speaks of you like that to their family?

[Reddit User] −  NTA. Every has strengths and weakness. If she can’t accept that and you are in for a painful relationship.

DeepFudge9235 −  Perhaps spend some time on YouTube and learn some basic stuff. Man or woman. I am not a handy man but learned how to fix a door hinge, replace a ceiling fan, even some basic electrical.

Just because sometimes someone isn’t available. You should at minimum learn where the water cut off value is and shut the water to the toilets in case of a leak. It’s not as scary as you would think.

Of course there are a ton of things I will pay a professional to do but you really should learn some basics. Side note home Depot give free classes on a variety of things.
As for the minimum chores, if you are going to make an effort and learn things then NTA.

[Reddit User] −  NTA. My wife did her undergrad in electrical engineering. I did mine in geography. She’s way more qualified to handle those stereotypical “manly projects” than me. I’m mostly there to be her muscle and lift when she asks me too.

I’ve never been accused of being less of a man, because I served in the Marines. Still, when contractors come to our home, and they start talking to me, I laugh and tell them to explain it to my wife, she understands better than me.

I’m like you. For the first few years of our relationship I did all the cooking and cleaning. Now we split the cooking, but I still am the only one who seems to know how to clean. And I’m not much of a handyman.

I can put together ikea furniture and stuff, but when we converted our shed into and office, she definitely took lead there, with me standing by just lifting what she couldn’t. It’s s**tty your gf would belittle you like that.

Gendered roles are dumb and outdated. My mom is a master technician, who loved to fix anything. My stepdad was a master chef, sup handles all the cooking and domestic work. That’s how I grew up, and they’re boomers.

He brags about all the things she can fix, and she brags about how amazing his meals are, and when we get together as a family, my mom enlists my wife help to fix things, and I help out with chores around the house.
I don’t feel like less of a man for it, and I don’t think he does either. It’s a natural family dynamic for us now.

Nessie51 −  NTA. Tell her it’s the 21st Century and she should be able to fix her own damn doors. You are being taken advantaged of here, she should be doing her own share of the chores – you both have jobs do all gets shared equally.
If this continues you might have to show her the door – literally because it seems like there is little respect here.

adisturbed1 −  NTA. 3 of them sound awful. Id do no house work at all besides clean up after myself while i secretly get my ducks in a row to get out of there and ghost them all

Majestic-Leopard-563 −  NTA why can’t she do anything? Fixing things is not just a man’s job!! If my husband is at work or busy I can easily bust out the tools and fix things! Stick to your guns!!

ollieastic −  NTA…but why are you with someone who tattles on you to her parents and makes you feel like trash? You sound awesome and should be with someone who values you and treats you well. Hopefully she’ll be your ex-GF soon.

Was the user’s decision to cut back on chores a justified reaction to feeling undervalued, or could it be seen as too extreme given the circumstances? How would you handle such criticism from a partner or their family?
Share your thoughts and opinions below!