AITA for disinviting my brother to my wedding after he told me “being gay is wrong”?

A Reddit user is struggling with a painful situation involving their brother, who previously expressed support when they came out as gay. However, 13 years later, the brother revealed deeply hurtful beliefs about their relationship and their upcoming wedding. He stated that “being gay is wrong” and even refused to bring his daughter to the wedding.

The user is now questioning whether they were right to disinvite their brother after this conversation, especially considering the family dynamics and the emotional betrayal they feel. To find out more and how others have responded, read the full story below.

‘ AITA for disinviting my brother to my wedding after he told me “being gay is wrong”?’

Little backstory: I’ve been out of the closet since I was 17, in 2007. When I came out, people in my family said some pretty hurtful things, which I totally expected, being from a southern Baptist family in… god, it hurts to admit this but.. Florida😫. But my older brother at the time seemed very receptive, surprisingly.

He told me that if my Dad ever gave me any trouble, to call him and he’d talk to him. That was really the last time we talked about it. Flash forward 13 years (I’m 30) and I’m getting married to my fiancé Scott next year in April (if covid so graciously allows). I started putting a package together of fun things from my brother And I’s childhood,

all with the intention of asking him to be my best man. However, he called me two weeks ago, claiming he’s wanted to “talk to me about this for a long time”. He went into the long tangent about how being gay is wrong and isn’t “what god wants”. He said he thinks Scott is a nice guy and he loves me, but he doesn’t think it’s right that we’re getting married.

It was quite a shock as Scott and I have stayed with him multiple times when we visit my hometown. To top it off (and what hurts perhaps the most), he said my three old niece, whom we ADORE, won’t be coming to the wedding because he didn’t “want to have to explain to her what was going on here”. Notice he only said that SHE wasn’t coming to the wedding.

I think he fully expected to still be invited after this. His wife, whom he started dating when I was 12, feels the same apparently. My whole dad’s side of the family feels the same way they do, but I’ve already written them off mostly in my mind. My mother is beyond pissed and upset at them. I think what upsets me the most is a sense of betrayal.

They were my safe spot in the family. I felt like because they’re close to my age and younger and went to college, they would understand and it wouldn’t be a big deal to them. I almost feel a bit embarrassed because Scott comes from a wonderful Italian Catholic family and they’ve never been anything less than loving and supportive.

I told them that, on what is supposed to be one of the happiest days of my life, if they or anyone else is sitting in the audience and in the back of their mind thinking that what we’re doing is wrong or not right, they should just stay home. I know my brother and family love me, but it feels up to a point, conditional, and limited.

I told them that they learned being gay is wrong, they weren’t born not liking gay people. So they can unlearn it, if they were willing. But I don’t think that’s going to happen.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

SerenityFate −  NTA I’m so sorry OP. Your brother is a huge AH. You deserve to have people there who support and love you guys. All the hugs OP

marshal231 −  complete voracious command intelligent aspiring smell nine enjoy work like

Hunterofshadows −  NTA Unfortunately for some reason, weddings tend to bring out the worst of people. People say things they would otherwise hold their tongue about because they view weddings as so “final” I’m sorry your brother revealed the ugly center

[Reddit User] −  NTA – it’s your day and they don’t need to be there if they aren’t committed to your happiness or are allowing prejudice to change the way they treat you.

bobguy117 −  NTA. No homophobes allowed.

evilsir −  Not even a little bit. Why have someone at your wedding who thinks that way? I don’t care if it’s a family member or not.

wml253 −  Nta. You deserve to be surrounded by those that love you on your wedding, regardless of being related by blood.

haemaker −  NTA. I do not really understand what he was hoping to achieve with his little speech. You are not the a**hole if you choose to not invite him to the wedding. Apparently, his faith has him reject his own brother…just like Jesus wanted!

PixieXV −  NTA . God made you and loves you. Nowhere in the bible does it say being gay is wrong. When Leviticus was written, there was no word for gay, it has been translated from something closer to rape. Also Leviticus forbids “uncovering your father’s (And Uncle’s) nakedness”, in the bit about i**est, why would it do that if gay relations are forbidden in general.

The Sodam and Gomorrah stuff was also about rape, a quick wiki search will show you the evidence. I wish people like your brother would just have a logical chat with the big dude upstairs instead of presuming to know what God wants for us. I also hope he can do this before the wedding so he can be there for you.

MalbolgiaCa −  he didn’t “want to have to explain to her what was going on here”. 2 people who love each other are getting married. How hard is that?