AITA for “devastating” wife over son’s nude calendar?

A Redditor shares a situation where their son, a college athlete, proudly presents a racy nude calendar featuring himself and his teammates as a fundraiser. While the son is excited about the project and its charitable contribution, the user’s wife is devastated and mortified, worried about the implications for their family. The user finds their wife’s reaction overblown and struggles to understand her feelings, leading to a conflict in their marriage. Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for “devastating” wife over son’s nude calendar?’

Repost, apparently I didn’t respond to the judgement bot in time. So my (M45) son Cole is a freshman college athlete, getting a jump on training. Apparently there is a British college rowing team that puts out a “beefcake” nude calendar of their team as a fundraiser. Apparently it has become quite a thing, relatively famous.

I guess the boys got together and decided to do the same thing. High-quality printing and absolutely A+ photography, and came up with a really slick product. It is selling well on campus and at this point it’s going to be on pretty much every girl’s dorm wall (and some guys’ walls as well LOL). They’ve made decent money — to help fund the team but MOST donated to a children’s cancer charity, pretty amazing.

We didn’t know anything about this until Cole came home and proudly presented us with a copy (his month is May). It did not go well. His mother almost had an stroke. Wailing. Hyperventilating. Weeping. Apparently she is too “mortified for words” to comprehend that a bunch of college girls are going to have a picture of “her baby” in the buff on their walls for one month. And “What will her friends think?”

I think it’s ridiculous. A calendar of naked guys is nothing to get worked up over. They’re all technically adults, and I’m proud of the boys’ ingenuity and confidence. I’m sure it took some balls to do that (figuratively, not only literally). And to give the money to charity… amazing. I told my wife that she should lighten up, that if I looked as good as he did at that age and had been as handsome and tan and fit I would have done it too.

The calendar is NOT X-rated, and NOT porn. Ok it’s pretty damn racy and definitely pushing the limits, but no one’s “business” is really exposed thanks to judicious poses and props and such although they are definitely pushing that “exposure” to the absolute max. I have to admit if anything was shifted the tiniest bit you’d be able to tell the boys’ religion, so to speak, but they kept it all legal enough…and they obviously WANT it to sell.

Fine. Who cares. His mom though is insisting that I “do something about it.” What am I supposed to do? What’s done is done. “Stop them!” You can’t stop what has already finished. “Get them back!” Seriously? You know that’s impossible, right? “Punish him!” For what? How? Cue more hysterics.

And now she’s not even speaking with me for not supporting her, and “ashamed to show her face” to her friends who I’m sure couldn’t care less about some college boys’ pictures from 600 miles away. And for what it’s worth Cole’s girlfriend is totally on board with it. My wife called me an a**hole (but not in those words) but not taking her side.

So AITA. Perhaps I am the a**hole for not seeing things from my wife’s point of view and not sympathizing with her.. But I don’t think I am. JUDGEMENT FAX I might be the a**hole because (1) I didn’t take into account my wife’s distress and was dismissive of her and (2) as a good husband I should be more attuned to her feelings.

See what others had to share with OP:

Bear_Aspirin_00 −  You are NTA. Your adult son is NTA. Your son’s supportive girlfriend is NTA. Unfortunately, even after your wife removes the stick up her rear she’ll still be an A/H for the ridiculous, over the top histrionics. It’s fine to be uncomfortable with what your adult son did. the wailing/sobbing/dramatics, though, are counterproductive and annoying.

Moose-Live −  Your son sounds wonderful. I’d be very proud of mine if he did the same thing (once he’s a few years older of course). They came up with a great idea, saw it through to the end, and raised money for an important charity. An excellent practical lesson in entrepreneurship, product development and marketing.

NTA and your wife needs to stop having hysterics and shaming Cole for this. If she’d told you quietly that she was horrified and embarrassed, then you should have been supportive. But the screaming, crying, and demands that he should be punished – I have no sympathy whatsoever.

Ok_Remote_1036 −  NTA. That’s pretty hilarious. No mom wants to think of their son as a sexual being, but he’s an adult, he’s covering his private bits, and, well, what’s done is done. Your wife’s reaction is over-the-top. Wailing? Hyperventilating? Seems like she hasn’t realized that her baby boy is an adult now. She may be even more mortified to know her friends would love to get their hands on that calendar!

SigSauerPower320 −  NTA. So here’s the deal…. In order for your wife’s friends to know about it, they’d have to buy said calendar. AKA: They wanted to see semi nude young men. What are they gonna do? Call her/text her and tell her she should be ashamed of him all while knowing they spent money on an item containing photos of semi nude men half their age?

It’s like someone calling their friend and telling them that their daughter has an Only Friends page and passing judgement…. They only way you’d know is if YOU visited the site…. As for your wife’s feelings. She’s welcome to her opinion and feelings. But she crosses the ah line the minute she even implies that you should automatically side with her simply because you’re married.

That’s b**lshit and it needs to stop. Just because you marry someone doesn’t mean you’re signing up to always agree with them and side with them on everything. There are going to be times where you’re wrong or she’s wrong. This is a perfect example. She’s in the wrong and you would be too if you tried to stop the calendar for being sold or tried to “punish” your adult son.

indie_hedgehog −  NTA. Show her that firefighters and other professionals in noble fields of work also participate in this kind of thing for charities etc. Her reaction seems way over the top, and she seems to be far too concerned about what others think of her. Although to be fair, her reaction would probably be considered as way more acceptable if this was her daughter rather than her son. There’s probably a huge double standard here.

CalendarDad −  Thanks to everyone for all their support. Cole really is a great kid. His mother is not crazy or a p**cho. She is just concerned. She’s a good mother. Someone did just DM me though and suggest that the pictures were probably more “salacious” than I was letting on. They’re really not, honestly.

Yes, the boys are all “buck nekkid” but no one is really showing the goods and in actuality it’s pretty tame in the grand scheme of things. The target audience is obviously just college girls. I think most you could say is that they are a bit “naughty.”

I will admit that the boys might have been pushing it, and in most of the pics whatever is “hampering the view” is indeed the bare minimum that it has to be, which they obviously did on purpose… but they are young and not so subtle yet. Everyone is at least a good 95 to 100% completely covered or at least obscured.

In Cole’s case he’s outdoors in a stream, there’s a plant in the foreground and a piece of a leaf is obscuring pretty much everything it needs to, or close to it. No one is getting an eye full. They are a bunch of great guys. No porn.

DisneyFoodie20 −  NTA. She doesn’t have to approve of the calendar. If she doesn’t want to see the pictures, that’s totally understandable. But insisting that you try to stop the calendar from being published and trying to get you to punish him is totally unreasonable and ridiculous.

Significant_Pea_2852 −  INFO: so where could someone buy this calendar? I’d need to see for myself and assess it before making a judgement 😉 LOL, just kidding. NTA. Cole is an adult (I assume, I have no idea of US freshman age) and can do what he wants with his body.

MistressLiliana −  NTA. Sounds like it was tasteful nudes to me, she is overreacting.

ChaoticCapricorn −  NTA. There is literally nothing to be done. And attuned to what? Her hyperinflated sense of your son’s purity? He is a college athlete on campus, with a girlfriend. She should be glad he didn’t come home with a positive pregnancy test.

Is the user wrong for not supporting his wife’s feelings about the calendar, or is she overreacting to a harmless college fundraiser? How would you handle a similar situation with your partner? Share your thoughts in the comments!