AITA for despising my mentally handicap sister?

A Reddit user shared an emotional story about her life as the sibling of a sister with severe autism, describing how her family’s attention has always centered around her sister’s needs.

This user feels overlooked, expressing frustration and sadness after years of being expected to act as her sister’s caretaker. She opened up after her father implied she should prepare for a life supporting her sister, sparking a painful confrontation. Read her full story below.

‘ AITA for despising my mentally handicap sister?’

My sister is severely autistic. She requires attention almost 24/7 and cannot be left alone. She is non-verbal and cannot take care of herself at all. Despite the fact that she is only 12 she is extremely destructive and violent and destroys anything she gets her hands on..

I hate her. That should be wrong to say but it doesn’t feel like it.. ​I was only 6 years old when she was born and since then i’ve never solely had my parents attention. Even since I can remember the world has revolved around her.

I was moved out of my room into the basement at 7 because she needed to be in the room next to my parents. All of my toys as a child were destroyed by her and my parents simply ignored me when I complained. Even when I was 14 and she destroyed a mac my school gave me I was in the wrong..

Along with this I am expected to take care of her and drop everything I do for her. I can never make plans with friend because my parents “expect” me to be there if they need me to take care of her. Even when I do somehow get time to myself I am required to leave if they need me.

If i do not then I am punished. The recent example of this is when I went to see the new spider man movie, and was “grounded” because i turned my phone off in the theater.. It seems as if I am nothing more than a slave to them and anything involving her simply overshadows me.

This last week I was chosen to give a speech at a school event. I was so exited and my parents promised to be there, but they never showed and claimed it was because of my sister. Anytime anything like this happens for me they are to busy with her..

I’ve held this in for so long and it finally spilled out today. While talking about colleges with my father, he joked that I should get a degree that pays well so when their gone I can take care of my sister. I don’t know why but this caused me to break down.

I cried and screamed about how it always about her. I’m nothing more than a caretaker to them, that they always make it about her and that I’m expected to be her “slave” for the rest of my life.. I’ve locked myself in my room since then and my parents have not come to check on me. Am i the a**hole here?

Check out how the community responded:

JayConz −  NTA. These are perfectly legitimate and understandable feelings. You have done nothing to sign up for taking care of another human being (it’s not like she’s your kid), and that was wrong of your dad to “joke” about, because it sounds like he probably is really thinking along those lines.

Be honest with your parents about how you feel- make clear that it’s insane that you’re expected to be a full-time babysitter (grounded for no phone in a theater? That’s f**king b**lshit).

Face2098 −  NTA- kid, I hope you go to college far away from home. Later in life make sure your parents understand that you won’t be taking responsibility so they better have care and funding in place.

CrookedHalos −  NTA. 1) If you can, go to college far away. Time away and on your own to be just you will be good for you. 2) Because I think your dad was only half joking, at some time you will want to have a conversation that they need to plan for the care of your sister in the future.

And make it clear that it is not you, especially if you feel the same way as you do now. 3) I’m really sorry your parents didn’t handle this better, and I hope that one day your anger moves away from your sister.

Kitten_Foster −  NTA, but this is a parent problem, not a sister problem.. ​I am a parent of one autistic child and one neurotypical child, and I will tell you that we would never treat our NT child like his role is to care take his sister. If she ruins his stuff, we replace it.

We have also given him some separate space, with a lock, so that we can prevent her getting into his stuff. Now if he leaves it out that’s another story, but we try our best. Are there ways in which having a sister with a disability still might s**k for him? Of course.

We’re a family, and what impacts one tends to impact us all. But we try to mitigate that, and at least sympathise when we can’t. We also make sure that he benefits in whatever ways we can.

Like the fact that he has never had to wait in a long line at an amusement park because of her skip the line pass. 🙂 It sounds like you parents haven’t done any of this, and have, in fact made everything worse for you.

That is not your sister’s fault. She can’t help who she is, and at only 12, she is still learning and growing and you may still have a great relationship once you are both adults. Your parents, on the other hand, should have done better by you. The brunt of your anger belongs on them.

[Reddit User] −  NTA. I’ll tell you, dealing with an autistic sibling ain’t easy.

lavasca −  I feel so bad for you. Your parents need to plan for your sister. She isn’t your responsibility. They also need current qualified care-taking and whatecer aid that they can get. A kid is supposed to be growing up. It sounds like they lean on you too much. Some is fine but not a lot.. NTA

[Reddit User] −  NTA. I am going to tell you something that I hope you will think about and I will gladly take any down votes. Your sister will always come first and you will always be expected to be the caretaker. You will need to break free of this as soon as you can.

Move to another state or country after college. For as long as you will be in their house it will be their rules and they will continue forcing the care-taking down your throat. You are not her caretaker, they are and they need to be solemnly responsible for her care so you can work on your life while you are young.

Life comes at you fast, you only have around 85 to 90 summers on average. I understand where you are coming from though because whenever your sister did something bad it got blamed on her autism as a get out of trouble free card.

“She can’t help it, she has Autism”, ” She doesn’t know what she is doing, she has Autism”, “You need to watch your stuff so she doesn’t get to it because, she has Autism” while it is their absolute lack of responsibility, discipline and routine that allowed this behavior.

Makkaah −  NTA, but I think your feelings might be towards your parents, who s**k, not your sister.

didyouseriouslyjust −  This legitimately terrifies me. I’m so worried I’ll have a kid like this and it’ll ruin my life. I know that probably seems offensive, but I just don’t think I could cope with what you’ve described.

Your sister is still young and hopefully when she’s older she’ll calm down or your parents can find resources to help deal with her behaviour. I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through that OP, that’s a really challenging childhood. I can’t even imagine how strong of a person you must be for going through that.

[Reddit User] −  NTA. You’re entitled to feel however you feel. Please remember, though, that your sister isn’t doing any of this intentionally. She has no control over your parents’ actions.

Do you think the user’s feelings are understandable given her experiences, or should she approach the situation with more empathy? How would you handle the struggle between family obligations and personal freedom? Share your thoughts below.