AITA for denying household privileges because she refused to do a chore?

A Reddit user, living with their mother and sister, has taken issue with their sister’s refusal to help their mother with a simple chore. When asked to accompany their mother to buy fish, the sister outright declined, citing her job-hunting activities.

Upset by her lack of consideration, the user decided to deny their sister household privileges, suggesting that if she isn’t willing to contribute, she shouldn’t expect assistance from the family. Their mother disagrees, saying the user’s reaction is too harsh. Read the full story below for more details.

‘ AITA for denying household privileges because she refused to do a chore?’

I(28M) and living with my mother(48F) and my sister(21F). I work full time, my sister graduated last year and is trying to upskill/get a job, my mother is a homemaker and does most of the household chores.

So, getting groceries is my job on weekends as I get free time, but this time on Thursday we ran out of Fish. I asked my sister to accompany my mom to our local fish shop (10 minutes by foot) and just help her pay at the checkout. (We use digital payments and keep limited amount of cash at home just for emergency).

I expected her to say something like “Not now, but I’ll go with her later” but she straight up refused, saying it’s not her job and she already has so much on her plate (referring to her jobhunt activities).

This pissed me off and I told my mother to stop cooking for her, doing dishes for her or putting her clothes in washing machine. If she cannot come in clutch to help the household, we shouldn’t help her either.

My mom says that I’m being an a**hole to her and I shouldn’t take a harsh decision. We can just simply not cook fish for 2 days and eventually get it on weekend. My take is that it’s not about cooking fish but being considerate and responsible adult. AITA?

Check out how the community responded:

Cultural_Section_862 −  you’re her sibling, not her parent. is your mother somehow incapacitated? I don’t understand how she raised 2 children into adulthood who don’t think she can manage to buy fish herself. 48 isn’t elderly and decrepit. 

Accomplished_Two1611 −  How much job hunt activities is she actually doing. Your mom is not helping her by babying her. NTA.

hadMcDofordinner −  YTA for flipping out for something so insignificant. If it was just a short trip, you could have gone to buy fish yourself. Or your mother could have gone alone, couldn’t. she? She’s an adult.

Yes, your sister should help out but she refused this one ask this one time and you went ballistic and ordered your mother to punish your sister. You need to pull back and not get so upset over little things like this. It was just fish and you. were not going to starve.

ClackamasLivesMatter −  YTA. If you’re always this overbearing I understand why your sister talks smack to you. Also, your mom is 48 and can’t use a credit, debit, or ATM card? For real?

This isn’t programming a mainframe with punchcards … it’s literally swiping a card or pushing a card into a slot, then either scribbling your name or pressing four buttons. Once you put in your PIN, the cashier will tell you what buttons to press, or press them for you. This requires less brainpower than writing a check or counting bills and coins.

ambercrayon −  YTA because your mom is not your employee (neither is your sister) and should not have to follow your commands. Your sister should have helped but I guarantee she pushed back because she is sick of your attitude too.

You need to enable your mother to make purchases on her own, whatever that looks like. You also need to calmly discuss household expectations and not blow up over one argument. Your sister is not your child and if you can’t talk to each other as adults and work together then you will never improve this dynamic.

It is your right to decide how much support you give your sister but trying to control what your mother does is not ok. If there is a continuing pattern of your sister not pulling her own weight in the house that is a separate discussion.

Katharinemaddison −  YTA however annoying she’s being. You could always make sure there’s more cash in the house so your mother can go shopping. You shouldn’t be telling your mother what to do in that house fashion. She’s an adult.
Your sister should help out but what your mother does is up to her.

CaptainSneakers −  YTA – It feels very much like a power trip on your end that you asked her to do something one time, she refuses, and you want to immediately place her on these long term restrictions.

How are the rest of your household duties split up? If she and your mother do everything except grocery shopping, it might feel unfair that you’re putting your one task on her. Or she might have had a bad day and just snapped. You guys need to talk this out.

Lala_Kawl −  NTA. I have 3 sisters and there is one sister who refuses to pick up any chores at home. She contributes nothing for the family. Refusing to do our own share of housework is a high sense of entitlement and it shouldn’t be condoned.

SiriusSlytherinSnake −  I N F O, I know you said English is not your first language. What is your first language/culture/home country or something. A lot of people in reddit will base their answers off their own cultures and it will not always be fair or accurate.

Like where I’m from, I would probably sock you in the face as my brother trying to tell me what to do. But that’s my family. the dynamic sounds different to yours. To make a fair judgement, I need to know what IS your dynamic typically like.

momofklcg −  I am wondering if there could possibly be more to the story. I mean if it was just this, this seems over the top. But if there is more that might explain it.

Is it fair for the user to impose restrictions on their sister’s household privileges in response to her refusal to help, or is there a better way to encourage responsibility? How would you handle a similar situation with a family member? Share your thoughts below!