AITA for demanding my son take his daughter on his family trip to Disneyland?

A grandmother is questioning whether she was wrong for demanding that her son take his daughter, Annabella, on a family trip to Disneyland. Annabella, whom the grandmother has primarily raised, adores her father, but he barely spends time with her. Despite his wife being supportive of including Annabella, the father insists she stay with grandma while he takes only his sons on vacation.

When the grandmother insisted that Annabella should be included, her son lashed out, calling her controlling. Did she overstep, or is he neglecting his daughter? Read the full story below…

‘ AITA for demanding my son take his daughter on his family trip to Disneyland?’

I got pregnant with my son Julius (28) about a month after my 18th birthday. I tried to do my best for him and he got into a good engineering school but at 19, he got his then girlfriend Iza pregnant and they had Annabella together. I’ve been the one who has mostly raised her (Iza got deported but they spend July together and FT every night).

Julius got married to his girlfriend Katja after graduation and they have two wonderful boys together. Annabella lives with me and not with them. The thing is, Julius never spends any time with Annabella. He doesn’t even call to say goodnight. But she loves him so much. It’s like once a month, he’ll show up with a box full of toys, spend a day with her and then go back to his family.

It hurts her so much that he doesn’t spend time with her because he’s her hero. I’m just grandma. And no, he doesn’t act this way because of his wife. Katja would love to have Annabella move in with them, she once brought up the idea and she went on about all the things they could do together. She would love to be her stepmom, calls her princess, sweetie and so many nice nicknames.

The only reason they haven’t is because Julius has said she should stay with me. A few days ago, Julius told me that he and Katja were planning a trip to Disneyland in August. I told him that Annabella would be so excited and he should tell her on her birthday and he just blankly told me she’s not coming and the trip is for his boys.

I made it clear to him that he needed to bring her on the trip and he just called me an a**hole – which he’s never done before – for trying to control him. I admit that I was a bit controlling in my reaction but I don’t think I went that far.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

fridgepickle −  So he just pawned his child off on you for eternity? Does he send you child support? Does he make any actual effort to be a father to his daughter?. NTA.

[Reddit User] −  NTA. This man has abandoned his daughter. I wouldn’t be surprised if he only brings the toys because his wife makes him. That said, I wouldn’t recommend forcing this trip. His resentment will definitely spill over onto her, and she won’t have that great of a time.

FloppyEaredDog −  You can’t force your son to be a good dad or good human being, but NTA for trying. You don’t by any chance have the money to take your granddaughter to Disney World I suppose? You’re not just Grandma, you’re Annabella’s main guardian. Your son abdicated his position as parent. Is therapy an option? Annabella has already been hurt by her “dad,” she subconsciously knows she’s least loved.

I think the moment your son refused to take in Annabella he should have been cut out of her life, but I get that it’s easier said than done. Therapy first if it is an option, Disneyland second if it’s an option. Stop seeing yourself as “just” Grandma, you’re that child’s GrandMamma Bear. Julius only sees her once a month so he no longer that girl’s daddy.

If he took her in he would treat Annabella like a second class citizen with her stepmom trying to protect her. Do you have any grounds for fully custody and more importantly do you want full custody?Keep texts and e-mails as records if you do.

[Reddit User] −  NTA sue him for child support,

He_Who_Is_Person −  NTA This is heartbreaking. I don’t know what exactly happened when I became a father, but several switches flipped and I can’t read a post like this with a fully dry face. How dare anyone do this to their child? I don’t mean the Disneyland thing specifically. His daughter. How does he abandon his daughter?

His duty is absolute, and he has absolutely failed in it.. ​ (As others have said, can you take her yourself? He’s just going to treat her miserably there, holding her presence against her. It’ll be horrible for her).

DisneyBuckeye −  NTA. What is up with your son??? He has 3 children, but completely abandoned one of them. I know you probably won’t want this, but would a better option be for her to live with her mother?. Your son is the HUGE a**hole here.

LuckOfTheDevil −  I don’t get how his wife can lie beside him at night. The last man I want to build a family with is one who abandons his child. You are NTA. He seems to enjoy pretending his little tryst with Iza never happened and you were there to clean up his mess so he never had to assume any responsibilities for her. Sad. I’m so sorry.

Beardo-73 −  You wanted your son to take HIS DAUGHTER to Disneyland, he refused and you wonder if you’re the a**hole?. How about no. You’re NTA.
Your son on the other hand, definitely the a**hole.

[Reddit User] −  NTA. But I think you need to accept that your son doesn’t love his daughter and never wanted her. That he’s never going to take her to live with him and that you’re going to be the only parent that kid is going to have.

CrystalQueen3000 −  Soft YTA Not because of your son (frankly, f**k him and his feelings). He’s abandoned her and made it clear he’s not interested in a real relationship with her, it sucks that he excludes her. Pushing him to take Annabella when he seems to actively dislike her puts her in harms way, how would she feel to be ignored and have his sons get preferential treatment for a whole holiday? I get why you did it but I think you need to back off and focus on loving her and giving her support without him.