AITA for demanding my mom apologize after she blew up at my girlfriend who she thought was being r**ist?

A Reddit user recounts a dinner gone wrong when their mom misinterpreted their girlfriend’s choice of dish as a rac*al stereotype. Despite the misunderstanding being cleared up, the user feels their mom owes an apology for her harsh reaction, but she refuses. Was the user right to demand an apology and hold their ground, or were they being too harsh in handling the situation? Read the story below.

‘ AITA for demanding my mom apologize after she blew up at my girlfriend who she thought was being r**ist?’

I’m black and my girlfriend is Filipino. My parents aren’t the biggest fans just because we come from different socioeconomic backgrounds and they don’t think I should be with a “rich girl”.

My parents came over for dinner last night and my girlfriend was going to cook. Neither of us cook much and we eat way too much takeout, so she decided to make fried chicken because it is something she made with her mom growing up. Her mom came here from the Philippines and I guess it is pretty popular over there.

When my mom saw the fried chicken she thought that my girlfriend was either making fun of her or just going off a rac*al stereotype. She immediately started cussing at her and demanding an apology. I explained to my mom that fried chicken is popular in the Philippines and I googled it to show her that there are a lot of Filipino recipes.

She calmed down but did not apologize. I asked if she was going to apologize and she said it was just a misunderstanding. I said she should still apologize and she got offended, so I asked her to leave. I’m not talking to her until she apologizes but I don’t know if that is too harsh.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

[Reddit User] −  NTA. Your mother is a h**ocrite for being r**ist towards a woman because she thought she was r**ist. Instead of getting to know the woman that her son is going to be spending time with, she decides to judge her using socioeconomic status and race as a reason to hate her.

ETA because some people don’t understand the r**ist part. By making the assumption that gf made fried chicken because the mom is black, the mom is viewing this as gf making a r**ist stereotype towards black people. Last time I checked, everyone enjoys a good Popeyes or Jollibee chicken.

madvoice −  NTA there are many cultures that like to fry chicken. Your mother is the one with the issue here.

moebiusmom −  OP, I love how you defended your girlfriend. Way to go!! Don’t let it go yet, in any case. The lesson she is learning now about being polite to your girlfriend is invaluable.. NTA.

DjQball −  NTA. Even a misunderstanding is deserving of an apology. However the way it’s written, it seems as though it goes beyond a simple misunderstanding and delves into the territory of assumption, the way your mom decided to go off after simply seeing what was for dinner. In that case, it’s fair to ask for an apology, too.

efm270 −  NTA. Your mom made a mistake and jumped to conclusions in a way that hurt your gf. If she’d just apologized sincerely, the problem would end there. She is the one dragging it out by being stubborn. Since your family doesn’t approve of the relationship, I think it’s critical to set boundaries now that any rudeness to your gf will not be tolerated, otherwise this kind of thing will happen again.

Eternaljudgment −  NTA. Your mum sounds like she’s actively looking for things to be wrong with your gf. Foodstuffs can be quite similar and not just for one culture. Like on a recent YT binge, haggis (which is usually seen as Scottish) isn’t just for Scotland, turns out there’s many haggis-like dishes around the world, especially in Brazil.

idrow1 −  NTA – Race card gunslingers are exhausting, but demanding apologies is a waste of time. They’re just words meant to placate someone if the sentiment isn’t behind them. If your mom was actually sorry, she’d say so. But you did the right thing by sticking up for your gf and I’d be telling your mom that unless she can behave in a civil manner going forward, you’ll not be having her over for dinner again any time soon.

And fried chicken is a beloved food almost anywhere you go. Unless you’re vegetarian or vegan, I don’t think there’s a person on the planet who doesn’t love it. There’s a reason that fried chicken chains are a billion dollar global industry. Stereotypes are only perpetuated when someone keeps fanning the flames to keep them going.

This particular one should have been dropped before it even got started, it’s ridiculous. Most people love friend chicken as much as pizza. It’s a staple in the majority of meat eating households in many countries.

simba1998 −  NTA. Your mom needs to chill the f**k out. That would be like me (Im black) going to a work event and being mad that there was watermelon on the plate and thinking its a personal attack. I’m fairly well travelled and every country I’ve been to has fried chicken. Also tell her about Jollibee, its a huge Filipino fried chicken place that expanded into the US.

Nugget0987123 −  NTA. Filipino fried chicken is amazing. I live in a Southeast Asian country and almost everyone here knows the superior taste of Filipino fried chicken. Jollibee, a franchise of fried chicken (like KFC) has been dominating the fried chicken market here.

Anyway, you weren’t in the wrong at all. She lives in progressive times now and she should also have basic courtesy and respect for others. Apologising after making a mistake is common sense, isn’t it? Being able to put your pride away when it counts is a hallmark of a decent person.

Hillman314 −  NTA. …..but the g**pe soda, collard greens, and the watermelon she served for dessert were a bit too much.