AITA for defending my husband’s stair-sitting habits?

A Redditor defends their husband’s habit of sitting or lying on the stairs at home, which their mother finds odd and inappropriate. Despite the mother’s disapproval and subsequent dramatic exit, the Redditor refuses to criticize their husband’s actions in their own home. The situation caused tension during a visit, and now the Redditor wonders if they were too harsh on their mother or if they were right to stand by their husband. Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for defending my husband’s stair-sitting habits?’

My parents came over to visit me and my husband at our mid-sized house. They’re great most of the time, but my mother is a bit of a perfectionist, or n**cissist. I don’t know how to explain it but she always tries to pick at something, no matter how minute or inconsequential, so she can show her “superiority.”

Anyway, my husband has this quirk where he likes to hang out on the stairs. Sometimes he’s on the landing, sometimes the top, sometimes the bottom. He’ll sit, lie down, or even drape himself in weird positions. He’s not hurting anyone—it’s just him. It’s his way of chilling, and honestly, I find it endearing.

My mother was not a fan. She kept giving him side-eyes and finally said something like, “Why is he sitting there? He’s not a child. He can sit in the living room like an adult.”
I shrugged and told her, “It’s our house. He can sit however and wherever he wants.”

That set her off. She started going on about how it’s “weird” and “not proper” and how it’s embarrassing that he acts like this. I didn’t budge—I wasn’t about to tell my husband where he can or can’t sit in his own home. Things escalated, and eventually, she stormed out in a full-on hissy fit, saying she wouldn’t “be a part of this nonsense.” She took the car and went to a hotel in town, leaving my dad behind.

The thing is, she has no reason to go upstairs, so it’s not like my husband was disrupting her. He was just using his phone (sometimes he reads books on the stairs too, but not this weekend). The only things upstairs are my husband’s office, our room, and a small half bathroom, (a half bathroom is a bathroom without any bathing utilities, just a sink and toilet.)

My dad and I had a great night catching up. He didn’t care one bit about the “stair thing” and just laughed it off. Now I’m left wondering if I was too harsh on my mom. I know she can be dramatic, but maybe I should’ve tried to smooth things over instead of digging my heels in. I get it’s not traditional (I can’t find the right word, correct, professional, formal?) but he’s my family too, and it’s our house. He can do whatever he likes.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

[Reddit User] −  NTA. The only thing I can conclude from your story is that your mom really does find things to pick at so that she can obtain compliance and master the situation. So she found a thing to pick at, and she tried, and she failed, and it was a big shock, very uncomfortable, so she freaked out. It’s 100% her fault. I would go forward as if nothing happened and let her bring it up if she must. Otherwise just ignore, as if she was a kid who had some strange tantrum and now it’s done. 

Rare_Sugar_7927 −  NTA I think you handled it perfectly. And I think this needs to happen more often, every time she picks at something kicking up a stink, the response should be a calm “this is how we do things” and let her leave. Don’t chase after her, just carry on enjoying whatever is going on.

Then when she comes back, don’t make a big deal of it. Like nothing happened, no acknowledgement of her return and definitely no apologies. A n**cissist doesn’t like not being the centre of everything, so if you stop buying into her drama, maybe she’ll learn to behave…and if not, you get a few hours of peace while she sulks.

StAlvis −  NTA. A small half bathroom, (a half bathroom is a bathroom without any bathing utilities, just a sink and shower.) But that’s not what a half bathroom is, though. Half bath is sink and toilet. No shower.

Meddlesome_Lasagna −  NTA. It’s super normal for kids of parents who do things like this to feel the need to smooth things over. Anxiety response – fight, flight, freeze, also fawn. Fawn, make things better, resolve the conflict, manage the parents emotions. You aren’t and never were responsible for the emotions of your parent. Her emotions are 100% hers to feel and to manage. She overreacted. 

verminiusrex −  NTA. This was a power play and you just proved you had the bigger unit and wasn’t going to back down to her foolishness. Well done.

Advanced-Power991 −  NTA, his house, he can drape himself over any part of it however he wants, including sleeping on the floor if he wants. your house, your rules. Mom doesn’t like it well then she is free to leave.

GuyFromLI747 −  NTA .. I grew up sitting on the stairs reading books .. it’s comfy to lean an elbow back resting on the stairs reading .. like you said it’s his home and your home and y’all can do in it what you like.

Gertrude_D −  NTA. This is not your problem. Your father didn’t feel the need to smooth things over and wasn’t bothered by her leaving, so why should you be? If mom wants to visit with you, then she can return anytime she wants. Would you give in to a toddler having a tantrum about not getting sweets?

entirelyintrigued −  “But it’s weird!!”. “Okay.”. “It’s just not normal!”. “It’s normal for us.”. “It’s not proper!”. “So?”. You handled it perfectly, nta.

Seven_bushes −  NTA. My cousin had a house with a somewhat closed in kitchen. The stairs to the second story were to the side, so when we’d gather we’d just naturally gravitate to the steps so we could talk with whoever was in the kitchen. Even her dog, a black lab, would sit on the stairs with us, his b**t on one step and his feet 2 steps lower. Nobody ever had a problem with it. Your mom would’ve hated it.