AITA for declining to hold my cousin’s baby?

A 20-year-old man opened up about his deep anxiety around holding or interacting with babies, which has led to tense moments in his family. Despite his reluctance, he has been pressured into holding his cousins’ babies in the past, causing panic and embarrassment. Now, with another cousin having a newborn, he fears a similar situation. Read the full story below:

‘ AITA for declining to hold my cousin’s baby? ‘

I 20M have a huge worry about holding, interacting, or being in the presence of babies, especially newborns. I think I just have this big fear that I am gonna somehow hurt it or something. Whenever people show their baby off to me I get pretty awkward and anxious.

My older cousin 35F has had 2 children and my other (her sister) cousin 32F just had her first child a few months ago. When older cousin had her first baby, my family went to visit and I was offered multiple times a chance to hold the baby, all of which I declined but I ended up being pressured into holding her anyways.

I got a couple pictures before essentially starting to panic and asking “can some please take her!” Same thing happened with older cousin’s second child, however I was able to stand my ground and avoided holding him until he was about a year old.

However, at the time my mother told me in front of everyone including older cousin, “Seriously? C’mon, you’re offending your cousin!” I looked over to older cousin who looked down and possibly offended/embarrassed. Older cousin’s daughter is now about 4 and gets alone pretty well with most people, except me.

She always runs away when I’m near, I feel bad like maybe she knows I didn’t wanna hold her or smth. I know she’s probably just shy sometimes but I feel like an a**hole for being so hesitant about holding her. Now with my other cousin’s first child, I’m nervous about a repeat of the last two babies, and I just need to know AITA?

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

peggingpinhead −  NTA. babies are so fragile. i mean jeez some of their bones are still mushy. i am also scared shitless of holding them. If you’re worried about offending someone, just tell the truth about being scared. Trust me, you are not alone in this fear.

SomeoneYouDontKnow70 −  NTA. It’s better for you to leave the holding to someone else than for you to reluctantly take the baby, freak out, and drop them. You didn’t offend your cousin; your mother did by blurting that out. If your mother wants to hold the baby she can knock herself out.

I get where you’re coming from; I was afraid of holding even my own babies, but I sucked it up for their sake. I didn’t hold my brother’s babies, and I’m thankful that no one ever made a big deal of it.

AnyOneFace −  NTA it’s not offensive if you don’t want to hold someone’s baby. Your mom is the AH for making a scene about you not wanting to hold a baby. With the 4 year old, kids are funny. She may pick up on you feeling awkward around her and just avoid that.

It’s definitely not because you didn’t want to hold her as an infant. She doesn’t remember that early. Maybe try to get down on her level and play whatever game she wants to play, if it bothers you she runs away from you.

AussieKoala-2795 −  NTA. I am 61F and hate holding babies. I don’t have any kids and really hate anyone shoving a baby into my arms. I get so tense that they just start screaming. My husband is the opposite. He is known as the baby whisperer because you give him a distraught baby and within a minute it’s calm.

Outside-Ad1720 −  NTA. I’m not sure why people get so offended by not wanting to hold their baby. I will never hold a baby and I plan on having a couple lol.

edebby −  NTA. Not holding a newborn doesn’t offend anyone. I felt the same way for years, and it was changed only after I was once with my sister and her 3rd baby, all alone, and she instructed me step by step how I should “recieve” a new born from other person’s hands, and how to safely secure it’s head when holding them.

Those instructions were crucial for me to feel confident I’m doing everything correctly, and unless I was alone with my sis, no one would ever go over them with me. So yes, I understand you totally, and you won’t be the AH if you refuse to carry the baby without someone close going with you on how to do this correctly.

Just to calm you down, babies are far from being super fragile, and after 2-3 times it will feel very natural for you and you do it automatically without thinking (not to mention that once you’ll have your first born, well, you will look back at his and laugh like I did).

moreover, babies at this age are great because they require nothing from you other than worth and being calm – no need to entertain then or anything.

CrabbiestAsp −  NTA. I don’t get why people get so offended if you don’t want to hold their baby. I have a 7yo and can’t remember who did or didn’t hold her as a baby. It doesn’t matter.

-Maris- −  NTA it would probably go along way to clarify how you feel with their Mom though. Let her know that you just aren’t much of a baby person; but you don’t want her or them to take it personally in any way and you are still looking forward to teaching them sportsball or whatever when they get older.

HellzBellz1991 −  NTA, I have a two year old and am due with #2 soon and I *don’t* like holding other people’s babies. It goes hand in hand with how I never “oohed” and “awwwd” at other people’s babies but I love my own.

DiscussionAdmirable9 −  nta. i also worry a lot im about holding babies, so much so that i wont unless the baby can at least hold their head up on their own.

Everyone has personal boundaries, and being around babies can be intimidating for some. Do you think the poster should feel obligated to hold a baby to avoid offending others, or are his feelings valid? How would you handle a situation like this? Share your thoughts below!