AITA for declining to be the godfather to my niece?

A Redditor shares their dilemma after being asked to be the godfather to their niece, while their wife was excluded as godmother. In their family tradition, godparents are often a couple who take on a symbolic and practical role in raising the child if needed. After careful consideration, the Redditor declined, prioritizing fairness to their wife and family unity. However, the decision has caused tension with their sister and brother-in-law.

‘ AITA for declining to be the godfather to my niece?’

Some immediate context, my wife and sister haven’t gotten along for the last few years (barely talk to eachother), and needless to say it’s been difficult managing the inter-familial relationships. My sister and I both have godparents which are husband and wife, as do my wife and BIL, as is typical in our area, and the expectation/tradition is that the godparents would raise the child(ren) should anything happen to the parents, though as with most traditions like this, it has become a little more symbolic as of late.

Anyways, fast forward to Christmas of this year, everyone’s handing out presents which in my family everyone opens them up at the same time so it’s a frenzy. Eventually, at the end of this frenzy, my sister and bil hand me one last gift which they wanted everyone to be around/attentive for and start recording with their phone camera.

Sure enough, I was blessed to be asked to be the godfather to my recently born niece, but it was quite clear by the lack of a godmother gift as well, my wife wasn’t also asked to be the godmother. So when I asked who it was going to be, she said she intended on asking her best friend because she helped her a lot during her pregnancy. I responded in saying that well I am married and it simply wouldn’t be fair to my wife should anything actually happen. This goes back and forth for some time and eventually I just say that I will think about it.

I did genuinely think on this for some time, and obviously my wife was clearly disappointed in not also being asked despite their tumultuous relationship, as it felt like a pretty clear snub by my sister to my wife in their decision to not also ask her to be the godmother.

That said, I also personally didn’t feel comfortable being the godfather to my niece while my wife wasn’t, as it didn’t feel right, whether that be because of my wife not being included or simply familial tradition. Truthfully I also felt it was pretty divisive by my sister and bil, and intentionally exclusionary to my wife as my sister is my only sibling.

Come New Year’s Day a week later, I took my sister and bil aside and politely declined and stated that while I am honored, I simply didn’t feel comfortable accepting.. Now I’m dealing with the fallout.. AITA???

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

WomanInQuestion −  NTA – if being godparents is supposed to be done by a couple, how do they expect you to raise their child with her best friend?

5175JsJs −  YTA sounds catholic. I’m a godfather to three kids, im not married yet and I am a cosponsor with three ladies who are either married to someone else, or who are not married yet like me. Catholic teaching does not explicitly require catholic couples to both be the godparents, only that they be practicing with all sacraments of initiation. you just rejected the honor to be that for your niece, and your sister may see that you fulfill those requirements in a way that many other people in her life dont. double ah.

Lilith_of_Night −  Being a god parent is basically just someone saying you are an important person to them and they want you to play a part in their kids life and be like an aunt/uncle if not already and to have a close relationship with if you already are.

It’s not legally binding and she hasn’t asked you to be the guardian of her kids in her will. This is a nice honour, but it’s not a snub to your wife, it’s simply them choosing the two most important people, one female and one male, and you happened to be the male and your wife wasn’t the female. Sometimes it’s a couple because the two people will usually both have a close relationship to the parents, but it’s not abnormal to be two separate people.

Do you think that if the best friend has a boyfriend or husband, she would be getting all upset and angry because they didn’t ask the them to be the god father? No! Because he isn’t the one who is important to the parents!

RocknRight −  I’m Catholic and Godparents don’t have to be a ‘couple’. My godmother was married when I was born, her husband is not my godfather. I’m a godmother to three children.

1. I am ‘mums’ bestie, the godfather is ‘dads’ brother.
2. I am ‘mums’ cousin, godfather is ‘mums’ brother.
3. I am ‘’mums’ bestie, the godfather is ‘dads’ brother.

Irrespective of religion, whether the duty is intended to share the responsibility of raising the child in faith, or whether it’s symbolic; to be asked is an honour. Being a godparent is not a legal obligation or automatic legal guardianship. OP YTA. And I can see why your family think you’re an a**hole too.

kindagrodydawg −  I will say NTA for not accepting the role, it’s up to you whether or not you accept it. You are the a**hole though for thinking your sister HAS to ask your wife to be the godmother of your child. I have two godmothers, my mothers best friend since she was in middle school and my fathers sister. In the circumstance that you are actually up to the plate of having to take care of her potential children, your wife is obviously included in the deal however what if you can’t take the responsibility at that time?

Why should she place both godparent roles on one couple when it means that if you two aren’t available she has no other godparent for her child. I also have to ask, why did your wife expect to be asked if she clearly doesn’t have the best relationship with your sister?

FoundMyselfRunning −  NTA, but I have never heard of the rule that both godparents have to be married. In fact, I don’t know anyone who has godparents like this. Most people in my circles have two totally unrelated godparents – who may not even know each other.

Useful_Context_2602 −  YTA. Godparents are not married more often than not. I’m godmother to two kids and wouldn’t want to be involved with their godfathers that’s for sure!!

IllustriousAd1028 −  What am I reading. Who expects a partner to be the other godparent. It’s not like this means you get the kids if something happens to your sibling. Yes YTA. What a stranger thing to request.

ImportantArtichoke57 −  YTA. Being godparents not legally bond to kids, right? It’s symbol that your sister’s trust to you when something happens to her you could take care of her kids despite her disagreement with your wife. You act like you gonna take in your niece as soon as she is born. It’s 1st time i heard godparents have to married couple from you.

Your wife and sister don’t get along why tf your wife expecting her to be godmother of her child? Everyone i know who has godparents, most godparents doesn’t even know each other or met each other. NTA for not wanting to be godfather, AH for not being godfather because of your wife, in my opinion you deserves the fall out.