AITA for Cutting Ties After My Boyfriend’s Friends Turned on Me?

A Redditor shares her experience navigating tension with her boyfriend’s friend group, who consistently cross boundaries under the guise of “jokes.” After enduring an evening of thinly veiled insults, comparisons to his ex, and her boyfriend brushing off her discomfort, she chose to distance herself from his friends. This decision has strained her relationship, with her boyfriend calling her dramatic and his friends labeling her as “too sensitive.”

‘ AITA for Cutting Ties After My Boyfriend’s Friends Turned on Me?’

My (27F) boyfriend (29M) and I have been dating for about a yearThings have been mostly great between us, but his group of friends has always been a bit much. They’re the type of people who love teasing each other, but sometimes their jokes feel more like thinly veiled insults. I’ve tried to get along with them for his sake, but its been a challenge.

A few weeks ago, we all went out for dinner. Everything was fine at first, but then the “jokes” started. One of his friends, Jake (31M), commented on how I “must’ve really lowered my standards” to date my boyfriend. They laughed, including my boyfriend.

I laughed too, but it felt awkward. Sarah (jakes girfriend) (28F), said something like “Wow, I didn’t expect you to be so quiet. Are we too intimidating to you?” and they laughed, and I tried to play it off again, we finished dinner and jake asks us to have a drink with them, even tho I didnt wanna go but I did anyway.

Well we arrived at jakes place, sat down they got the drinks he put on some tv, everything was goign well, until I guess mr jake started to feel bored again, bro pulled out his phone and started showing sone old photos of my boyfriend with his ex.

He kept making comments like, “Ma, she should have been here too, it would atleast be fun.” Sarah trying to do her best, says “Yeah why would u guys breakup. What happened?” (at some point i was thinking they were doing it onpurpose to make me mad) but my boyfriend just shrugged it off, saying, “They’re just joking. Don’t take it personally.”

At this point, I decided to excuse myself and head home. My boyfriend stayed behind, saying he didnt want to “make a scene” The next day I told him how uncomfortable I felt and asked why he didnt stand up for me. He said, “That’s just how they are. You need to toughen up” When I suggested that maybe we spend less time with them he got defensive, saying theyre like family to him and I should “try harder to fit in”.

Since then, Ive been keeping my distance from his friends, which has caused tension between us. He says I’m overreacting and being dramatic but I feel like he’s not respecting my feelings. His friends have even sent me texts like, “Sorry you can’t take a joke” and “Guess were too real for you.” Now Im wondering if  ITAH for cutting ties with his friends? Should I have just sucked it up for the sake of the relationship, or was I right to set boundaries?

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

AdAccomplished6870 −  ‘You can’t take a joke’, ‘that’s just how they are’ and ‘We just keep it real’ are all very reliable signs for identifying toxic personalities. Your boyfriend will likely realize that this friends are immature and destructive. He will realize that after you leave him. But first he will blame you.

I have friends and family with very cutting sense’s of humor. But we would never, ever insult someone who did not know well. And we have learned (often times through hurt feelings and hard conversations) where the line is drawn, and what topics are off limits. Jake and his friends sound awful. Time to cut and run.

AcrobaticReference20 −  Not liking his friends is one thing, they sound like assholes. Those patronising fake apology texts would make me want to never see them again. If they really are like family to him, you may not be able to avoid them. But your boyfriend dismissing your feelings, regardless of who is in the wrong, is a huge red flag. NTA.

Chance_Culture_441 −  You’re NTA for cutting ties with his friends, but you are AH for not cutting ties with your so called bf too! That man does not love, respect or support you if he allows his ‘family’ to make jokes at your expense. His friends are huge AHs, but he is the biggest one of all.

Traditional-Fruit585 −  NTA The fact that he did not come home with you says a lot. Did you have to take an Uber? I would find another relationship. I’m 58 now, but I used to run with a very hard crowd. Disrespecting a friend‘s girlfriend wasn’t done. Find a different crowd. You don’t want to be the type to try to get your boyfriend to leave his friends for you.

He had the opportunity to stand up for you and rein them in, unless he is not at the top of the pecking order. I would also not want to hang out with them. You would know what a sincere apology is, and you clearly did not get that. Are you going to live your life being that person that’s going to get pushed around for the sake of some guy? By the way, you can leave without making a scene. They’ll get it and that s**t would stop.

By the way, another thing is, you could answer that other girl that yes it is too much for you, you don’t take that s**t, you don’t like that s**t, and maybe you don’t like any of them. Then you look at your guy and say and maybe you’re just not the right one for me if these kind of people are your friends.. Edited: forgot to put NTA.

Sensitive-Ad-5406 −  Being single is better than being with a spineless twatwaffle. Just saying.

Hollymarie- −  NTA. His friends sound like they’re auditioning for “Mean Girls: The Adult Edition,” and your boyfriend is enabling it. Jokes are supposed to be funny, not thinly veiled insults designed to make you uncomfortable. And the ex thing? That’s not a joke—that’s straight-up disrespect.

Your boyfriend telling you to “toughen up” is just code for “I don’t want to confront my friends.” Boundaries aren’t dramatic; they’re basic self-respect. If he can’t see how his friends’ behavior is affecting you, maybe he’s the one who needs to toughen up and stand by you. Cutting ties with people who make you feel bad isn’t dramatic—it’s self-care. Keep those boundaries strong, queen.

MadeInsane14 −  I’d tell Sarah the next time she mentions how you two can be together “well I don’t have to wonder why you are Jake are together. You’re a match made in heaven. You’re both assholes.”. And after that mic drop, I’d tell your boyfriend you actually don’t know why you two are still together and now you aren’t. Hurray, happy ending!!

No-Homework7700 −  Your boyfriend either a doormat or never going to defend you or stand for you in any situation. Not with friends, not with family probably nor with strangers. Also, not seeing how these comments are highly inappropriate could be a deeper issue. This might be also low empathy too. Usually these qualities never change especially if he is just dismissive instead of actually try to understand you. Are you sure this is the type of person you want to committed to?

writing_mm_romance −  The friends aren’t the problem, your boyfriend is. He’s allowing them to treat you disrespectfully and he knows what they’re doing is wrong. As soon as those pictures with his ex came out, he should have said “Ok guys, that’s enough. I think we’re going to head out.” Instead, he allowed it to continue to the point you were uncomfortable and left on your own while he stayed behind. He’s showing you how he’ll show up for you, and that’s not at all. Bounce before you become further attached, because he’s never going to stand up for your relationship.

synnodic −  Absolutely NTA. My household (5 of us) all have viciously cutting senses of humor — my sister is the queen of comebacks and she’s so quick with them sometimes it takes my breath away (positive). But we never, ever, EVER cross certain lines that we know make each other upset, we know how to read each other and the friends we tease like this well enough to judge if we need to stop or leave something alone, and it’s never aimed at someone we don’t know well.

If we think someone might have a similar humor we may test ‘gentle’ jokes on what’s happening around us but never the new person, always the place/situation we’re in or ourselves. That’s the main thing. A huge part of being snarky-funny is that you mock yourself (not to the point of like, taking yourself to the landfill, but you can put yourself in the trash if that makes sense.

What I mean is, there’s a limit before things get uncomfortable for everyone involved, and these guys sound like they make things uncomfortable. D**p the guy and maybe he’ll figure out how toxic they are before they really hurt him… and they will. People like that thrive on the negativity. Tl;dr NTA, d**p him and his toxic friends and find a group with actual senses of humor.