AITA for cutting off my family over my mom’s will?

A Redditor (F33) is grappling with whether they are in the wrong for cutting off their family over their mother’s will, which favors their sister (F30). Growing up, they felt overlooked and second best, especially compared to their sister, who received preferential treatment.

The situation worsened when their mother left the family business and childhood home to their sister, sidelining the Redditor despite their lifelong connection to the flower shop. After years of estrangement, their sister reached out to rekindle their relationship, but the Redditor declined. They now feel that their sister and mother no longer deserve a place in their life. Are they being too harsh, or have they made the right choice for their own well-being? Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for cutting off my family over my mom’s will?’

I always suspected my mom preferred my sister over me. Growing up, she spoiled my sister with whatever she wanted and took her word over mine whenever we argued. I was always in second place compared to her. For example, when we turned sixteen, I was given my aunt’s old clunker that ended up dying within six months.

When my sister turned sixteen, she got the brand new red Volkswagon of her dreams. Mom said that I couldn’t continue my piano lessons because they were getting so expensive while still supporting my sister’s dance lessons, competions, etc.

Things got really bad about a decade ago. When we were in high school, I feel in love with this guy, Joey, and started dating him for a while. Only to for him to d**p me because he preferred my sister. Yes, my sister seduced him. This really broke me because he was my first love.

Well, my sister and Joey ended up getting married after their college graduation. And that is when things went from bad to worse. Our mother had her will made and she was leaving everything to my sister.

For background information, our childhood home was a two story building, where my mother’s flower shop was on the ground floor and the apartment we grew up in was the second floor. While I didn’t get along with my mom or sister, I loved that flower shop and had been working there for most of my life. I dreamed of owning that shop one day.

But instead, my mother was going to leave the building, the shop and the apartment, to my sister. While I could still work in the shop, my sister would be the owner and I would have to do what she says. There was no use in trying to convince her to change her mind. In her mind, my sister was the married one with a baby on the way. She needed the business and house to raise her family. Meanwhile, I was single and had nothing.

So, I cut them off. If my mother didn’t see me as a family member, then I wanted nothing to do with them anymore. It was clear who she favored more. So I moved out of my childhood home and was on my own. Less than a year later, I joined the Peace Corps and have been living abroad since.

Now, to the present. After not hearing from them for years, my sister found me on social media and reached out to me. She wanted to talk to me, rekindle whatever relationship we had. I told her no, that I never wanted to talk to her or have anything to do with her or our mother again. She then starts to write this angry message about how I could do this to her and why would I turn my back on her.

But as far as I am concerned, she is not my family. She hasn’t been family in a decade. My partner and our baby is family. I have a new, happier, more fulfilling life in South Africa than I ever did back in the States. I don’t want to ever see my old family again because of how they treated me. I don’t want them to meet my daughter. If I let them back into my life, I am afraid they will ruin the new life I made for myself.. AITA and being too harsh?

Edit- Holy s**t! I am flabbergasted. But for those who are guilding this post or are planning to, please donate your money to the Covid-19 first responders instead.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

Kittytigris −  NTA, not from my point of view. You found peace and love elsewhere instead of with them. No need to drag up all that toxicity again if you’re in a good place.

malachai926 −  NTA. NTA NTA NTA to the hundredth power. Your mom essentially disowned you. She deserves nothing from you at all. And your sister is very much in the wrong here too, like for allowing your mom to shower her with everything and to give you nothing,

not to mention wooing your boyfriend from you and marrying him which is an incredibly s**tty thing to do to you. I can’t even believe these people are so clueless and so heartless. Good for you for carving out your own life. You owe them absolutely nothing.

[Reddit User] −  NTA. If you don’t feel the desire to have a relationship with these people, you should not have a relationship with these people. If you feel really generous, tell your sister: “I really don’t want a relationship with you, but since you want “sisterly” support from me, here it is: If you have more than one child, love them equally and treat them both fairly. Bye now.”. ​ Edit: thank you all SO MUCH for the nice words & awards.

Kris_Third_Account −  Your mom is definitely an a**hole. Joey is also an a**hole.. Regarding your sister. She then starts to write this angry message about how I could do this to her and why would I turn my back on her.. A**hole. Sounds like you had a good reason to cut them off. NTA. Doesn’t seem like you’re being too harsh. And if you change your mind, it’s possible in the future to establish contact with your sister.

teresajs −  NTA. It sounds like your sister wanted something from you. Maybe she wanted you to come back and work in the shop? Maybe she wanted money? But her reaction definitely tells me that she wanted to get something from you.

Bluepenstemon −  I suspect she wants your kidney.

starvinartist −  NTA she was the golden child and when that wasn’t enough she stole your boyfriend. Family doesn’t treat family like this. Your new family is your family.

[Reddit User] −  NTA. In Japanese, there’s a saying that goes; “siblings are just beginning of strangers”. And I know that not every sibling are like this, but I know a lot that are. Especially after your mother died, it might sound harsh to others but I don’t see how you owe your sister anything.

TBH if I were you I wouldn’t have even gone to their wedding haha. But I guess to go is just common courtesy. However this anger that’s built up over the years can’t just simply disappear. You do what makes you happy. Your sister and mother obviously did what made them happy. You don’t owe them ANYTHING.

TogarSucks −  NTA. You spent your life with your mother and sister putting themselves first. Even in reaching out to you, your sister put herself and her happiness before yours. There was no olive branch offered, no remorse shown for her attitude or approach to your relationship in the past. It was just “How can you do this to me?”. She even made this about her.

If your happy with your life now, what reason did she give you that you should threaten that happiness for her own? Also, just wondering, you mention your mother’s will being what finally pushed you to cut them out of your life, but just that she had written it. Are your parents still alive, and have they made any attempt to reach out to you?

chrispythegull −  INFO. This story is missing a ton of detail on how exactly mom and sister deserved to be cut out of OP’s life forever. Did sister cast a spell on childhood boyfriend and force him to marry her? Mom just sort of decided to hate OP willy nilly? Where is dad? I have a problem with how OP characterizes everything as well. Owning the flower shop was her dream. Sister received car of her dreams. OP got a clunker. Boyfriend was seduced. It feels so victimy.

I mean the central problem I have is this: If things were SO blatantly bad and SO rigged against her from the word go, then why on earth would she need to come to this forum and ask if she’s an a**hole, because if we take OP at face value, it’s stupidly obvious that she’s not?

Do you think it’s justified for the Redditor to sever ties with her family after feeling neglected and undervalued for years? Can forgiveness or reconciliation ever heal such deep wounds, or is it better to focus on a new life and family? Share your thoughts below on family, boundaries, and the impact of favoritism.