AITA for continuing to use a phrase when addressing my kids despite my husband not liking it?

A Redditor (38F) has four young children with her husband (40M) and uses the phrase “what’s the story, macaroni?” to calm them during small tantrums. The kids enjoy this playful approach, which helps them express their feelings and find solutions, like putting stickers on their shoes when their colors don’t match their moods.

However, the husband dislikes the phrase, viewing it as too childish and preferring a stricter approach. Despite trying to avoid using it around him, the kids often request it, making it difficult to refrain. The Redditor is unsure if her continued use of the phrase makes her the asshole since her husband clearly doesn’t like it. read the original story below…

‘ AITA for continuing to use a phrase when addressing my kids despite my husband not liking it?’

I (38F) have 4 young kids with my husband (40M).They are 5 yrs old, 4 year old twins and a 1 yr old. Our kids are well behaved in general. Anyone with young kids can confirm sometimes they have tantrums or get upset. Sometimes it’s over big things and sometimes it’s over something silly.

For example our 5 year old was upset this morning because his shoes weren’t blue. They’ve never been blue, they’ve always been green. Today I guess he just felt like having blue shoes. A phrase I use when calming my kids down over smaller issues is “what’s the story, macaroni?”

They love when I say this, even when they are fussy or upset. I’m not sure why, but maybe it’s just as simple as they think I see them as macaroni. Maybe it’s the silliness of it. I can’t remember where I heard it. It’s effective, helps them work through their emotions so we can work on communicating why we’re upset and what can be done to fix it.

For those wondering, in my 5 year olds case, the solution was letting him put stickers on his shoes. All is well again lol. My husband hates when I say it. He has asked me several times not to say it because to him it sounds too childish. His approach is more strict and he doesn’t take the more kid friendly approach.

He would tell our 5 year old that his shoes won’t turn blue just because he is upset and he shouldn’t throw a fit over something he can’t change. (This would have upset our son further, not made him stop fussing) I feel like sometimes kids have very big and valid feelings but might not know how to express that in a constructive way.

I prefer to take the silly approach for these smaller issues. my kids respond positively to it and it works. I don’t use it for every situation but on smaller issues I feel it is fine.
I have tried not to say it around my husband as he doesn’t like it.

The kids love it and the oldest will sometimes even ask me to say it even if he’s not upset so I can’t always avoid it even when he is there. I might be TA because it’s clear my husband really doesn’t like this phrase. AITA because I haven’t stopped saying “what’s the story, Macaroni”?

Lets dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Jocelyn-1973 −  NTA. You have a parenting tactic that works, because the children like it and it calms them down. Your husband has a parenting tactic that doesn’t seem viable with children your age.

He rationalizes it, but the whole point is that the issue at hand (like the color of the shoes is the same as it always has been) is not rational and the problem is not a rational one or a lack of understanding. It is fine if your husband uses his tactics when HE deals with the situation. Including the aftermath.

He should carry the damage of his approach as well (like: they still cry. Problem not solved or even worse.). In the same way, you have to deal with the consequences of your approach.

What never works is doing what the other wants, while his approach is theoretical and he never gets to enjoy the consequences of his theoretical best approach. Also, your husband should be informed that children of the age of 1, 4 and 5 are in fact childish. They are supposed to be.

coastalkid92 −  NTA. It honestly sounds like a trigger now for your kids to know that mummy is listening to them and has their undivided attention. That’s a *good* thing.
And will this be an appropriate response as they age? Maybe not, but it sounds like you’ve got enough common sense to know that as your kids age, the language changes with them.

Backgrounding-Cat −  “Too childish for kids under 6 years old “. Really?

Solrackai −  I’m the boss applesauce, don’t get wise bubble eyes, see what I mean jellybean, whats the trouble bubble, you’re a poet but didn’t know it, but your toes sure show it because they are Longfellows…..these are the things my dad said all the time. NTA

MerlinBiggs −  NTA. Your husband is. Tell him to lighten up. Keep on saying it. In time, they’ll be saying it to your grandkids.

Comfortable-Sea-2454 −  NTA. AITA because I haven’t stopped saying “what’s the story, Macaroni”? It makes the kids feel better and you can get to a resolution. My husband hates when I say it. He has asked me several times not to say it because to him it sounds too childish. His approach is more strict and he doesn’t take the more kid friendly approach.

He would tell our 5 year old that his shoes won’t turn blue just because he is upset and he shouldn’t throw a fit over something he can’t change. (This would have upset our son further, not made him stop fussing) .

Your husband is a massive A-H though. His approach makes the kids MORE upset and does not help work to a resolution. Your kids are going to resent him in the future for acting like their feelings have no validation and they have no voice.

Poekienijn −  NTA. You are helping your children express their feelings in a healthy way. Maybe your husband never had a parent guiding him and was always taught to “get over it” without having the room to express himself first. He might not know how beneficial your approach is.

How you teach them to regulate their emotions and think of a solution because he was never taught this. You are not “silly”, you are taking your children seriously and don’t dismiss their feelings.

hummingbird7777777 −  My husband was like this. He criticized my parenting choices whenever I did something that he thought “babied” our children, even when they were infants. He demanded that I stop using a pillow to cushion my infant against my arm when nursing or just holding him.

(He wanted to toughen up his son.) He also demanded it was time to stop nursing my daughter at six months because “it would be more convenient for the family.” (How, I have no idea.)

I’m sorry, but when a man has the audacity to criticize a mother’s parenting when it is obviously working well for the children, he needs to learn that there’s room for both parents’ preferences, whether he likes it or not. Especially when his reasoning is that he wants them to toughen up and he doesn’t see the value in a softer approach. That’s just BS.

Impressive-Sir1298 −  NTA. i don’t know you nor your husband, but from your text it sounds like you are talking to your kids as if they are kids, and take their feelings into consideration. meanwhile your husband seems to talk to your kids as if they are his colleagues, not children. ask him why a “childish” phrase directed towards *children* is upsetting him, a grown man.

MaleBolgia1992 −  NTA , your man sounds like the tantrum