AITA for continue to wear makeup and dress in my normal style around a friend who thinks her husband has a crush on me?

A Redditor finds herself in a tricky situation with a friend who believes her husband has a crush on her. After being told that the friend’s husband fantasizes about her, the friend requests that she stop wearing makeup and wear baggy clothes when around him.

The Redditor feels uncomfortable and awkward about the situation but chooses to maintain her normal style. After attending a dinner at a high-end restaurant, she receives a message from her friend expressing anger for “looking hot,” prompting her to question whether she is in the wrong for wanting to dress and present herself as she always has.

‘ AITA for continue to wear makeup and dress in my normal style around a friend who thinks her husband has a crush on me?’

My (29f) friend (31f) has told me that her husband (35m) has a crush on me and has recently told her that he fantasises over me. This already makes me feel very awkward but now she has asked if I can stop wearing makeup and wear baggy clothes around him.

We went out for dinner last night at a reasonably expensive restaurant with a few others (7 of us in total) and she text me when I got home saying she was angry at me for ‘looking hot’ after she asked me to not wear makeup.

She’s my friend and I want to do the right thing but there’s nothing I could wear that is baggy that would have suited the restaurant we were in (Michelin star). My style is very conservative and I was wearing a very average dress with heels.

I’ve written out several responses ranging from an apology to being quite rude but wanted to sense check my thoughts here before I go back to her. I don’t want to make life difficult for her but what she’s asking for feels unreasonable. AITA?

See what others had to share with OP:

CoverCharacter8179 −  Not sure why this is marked NSFW? Anyway, total NTA. For one thing, I don’t think it’s possible to dress appropriately for a nice restaurant without looking “hot” to someone who already finds you attractive.

And more generally, as long as you’re not hitting on the husband, or intentionally dressing provocatively to catch his attention (which it sounds like you’re not), then this is a her problem, not a you problem.

Here’s another point: why on earth did she *tell* you that her husband has the hots for you? Completely inappropriate, this is something to be handled within the marriage.

dryadduinath −  NTA. If she thinks it’s okay to ask a friend to wear baggy clothing to dinner out with a group, she should feel more than comfortable telling her husband not to look. In fact, with her absolute *audacity* she could tell him to wear a blindfold. It feels unreasonable because it is. Even telling you about this was gross, asking you to manage it for her, at your own expence, is worse. 

In fact, how about she leave her man at home, since apparently he can’t stop himself from being creepy about her friends. (Or she’s the one being creepy, either way it’s not yours to manage.)

StAlvis −  NTA. If you’re friend’s so concerned, she’s free to dress better than you. But this is ultimately a her-problem, and very much not a you-problem.

Dazzler3623 −  Her husband is an AH for telling her he has the hots for you. She’s an AH for then telling you, and expecting you to completely change how you look around her husband. You’re absolutely NTA for any part of this.

MoistAd9820 −  I went through this and it was horrible. She felt her bf was looking at me or attracted and when I took off my hoodie bc it was HOT and I was wearing a normal tank top.

She stormed out of the room and wouldn’t talk to me about it until the next day when she took me to the airport and he explained it. She never apologized and she took me off social media. Weirdest s**t. Friends for 10 years before that. 🙄

nickfarr −  “I am not responsible for nor able to fix your dysfunctional marriage.”. NTA.

ParagonOfAdequacy −  NTA. Her issues with her husband are not your problem to solve. If you give in on this, in no time at all she’ll be telling you you can’t go out at all.

MaggieLuisa −  NTA. Tell her you’re sorry she’s upset, but it’s unfair of her to ask you to alter your personal habits because her husband has issues. You are not responsible for his inappropriate behaviour, and you’re not doing anything wrong.

neophenx −  NTA. If you’re not trying to purposefully provoke or flirt with the husband, how you dress is your business. If she’s having problems in her marriage, she needs to deal with those with her husband directly.

She’s only mad at you because you’re physically available in front of her to take out her frustrations on. If her husband IS having attraction-issues about how you look, well if it wasn’t you it would be any millions of women on the internet via certain only’s or hubs of notariety.

Garfeelzokay −  NTA. Her husband’s behavior is not your responsibility. It’s his responsibility alone. If she doesn’t trust him then she shouldn’t be with him.