AITA for considering a divorce from my wife after telling her it feels like she’d prefer to be a single mom?

A Reddit user reflects on their strained marriage and questions whether they are justified in considering divorce. Over the years, they have felt dismissed by their wife in critical moments, including being the last to know about their child’s pregnancy, not defending them to her family, and excluding them in decisions about their son’s upbringing.

Tensions peaked when she unilaterally signed their son up for football despite prior agreements, prompting the user to confront her about feeling sidelined. Was the user overreacting, or are their frustrations valid? Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for considering a divorce from my wife after telling her it feels like she’d prefer to be a single mom?’

My wife (33f) and I (30m) have had some issues in our marriage and I’ve reached the point of feeling like enough is enough. We’ve been married for 7 years, and our son is 3 years old. When my wife learned she was pregnant she decided to wait to tell me so she could surprise me.

By the time she told me she had told her friends and family. Her family took me finding out after everyone else as her being afraid to tell me and called me on it. She did not defend me. But claims she did when I was out of the room.

Later in her pregnancy when we talked baby names she mentioned that she no longer wanted to use the original name we had agreed on because her sister didn’t like the name. She had told me we were not discussing names with anyone so I asked why she told her sister and she said she wanted some opinions.

I told her we liked it. Then I asked if she didn’t anymore and she said she still did but she wanted her sister to like the name. Then she said her sister’s opinion was too important and I asked her if her sister’s opinion was more important than mine. She said no.

But then she tried to push for a name her sister loved that my wife knew I hated. It left me feeling less important again. I know she was the one carrying our son, she was going through all the changes in her body, etc.

But it made me sad that not only did she tell her friends and family she was pregnant first but then wanted her sisters opinion more than mine it felt like. When our son was 18 months old he was taken to hospital. My wife was home with him and I was working from the office that day.

My wife called her family before she called me and when I got to the hospital her parents were pissed at me for not being there sooner. And then they said I’m clearly very uninvolved when my wife called them first. I admit I was more angry this time than sad and I told my wife she called 8 other people before me, our son’s father.

We talked about it some but our son was the focus. My wife and I decided before that we wouldn’t sign our son up for football unless he asked us to and he was older and was safe. We both agreed that the injuries sustained in football is a concern. All those brain injuries… it was something we were on the same page about.

But a couple of weeks ago she told me she had put his name down to start in another year. She did this without saying anything because her parents believe it’s important that boys play football.

This brought the hospital incident back more than anything and I told her it feels like she’d prefer being a single mom since it seems so easy to cut me out or dismiss my opinion. She told me I was being unfair and she said I sounded ready to divorce her which was crazy.

I didn’t deny it and she told me I can’t ruin our family over small disagreements. I reminded her she called 8 people when our son was taken to the hospital before me.. AITA?

These are the responses from Reddit users:

DMmeNiceTitties −  NTA, she values her family’s opinion over your own. Sounds like she would have a good support system as a single mom. Ironically, this may give you more say in your son’s life when he’s with you during your weekends post-divorce.

ClevelandWomble −  Point out that, if you divorced, you’d probably have more say in you son’s upbringing than you have so far. Genuine question. On reflection, do you think your wife even likes you?. NTA

Actual-Clue-3165 −  These are not small disagreements, this are big decisions and she is absolutely in the wrong for cutting you out. She’s treating you like a sperm donor

Limp-Star2137 −  NTA. She does not value you as the father. Like at all. She is making unilateral decisions. Therapy or single mom. Her choice. 

CakeisaDie −  NTA. You get to decide when you keep the marriage or not. Regardless of who is at fault just be a good parent to your child. If she doesn’t want to be parents with you, perhaps being coparents is a better idea.

PmMeYourBlowjobVideo −  It’s your child. Not her parents.. NTA. She’s potentially jeopardizing your child’s health without consulting you.

adjudicateu −  Small disagreements? She’s shutting you out of your own child’s life. Has she always had you on the periphery of her life with her family at the center? NTA but you better have your ducks in a row if you want to have even shared custody of your son.

You might buy time and fix some things with therapy. Meantime, can you pick a day to spend just your son and you a few hours with overbearing mom’s family and wifey hovering?

Open-Incident-3601 −  NTA. She has repeatedly, intentionally placed barriers between you and your child in order to appease her family. She doesn’t just drive the bus over you, she backs up and hits you again for good measure.

Ilovepunkim −  NTA. She doesn’t respect you and wants others to believe you are a bad parent and husband. Time to dispose the trash.

CharismaticCoward −  NTA. She’s valuing the input of family over you. She needs to understand that when you’re married, the immediate family changes from her parents and sister to you and your kid. As husband and father, your input should trump everyone else, unless it’s clearly a bad take.

Do you think the user’s feelings of being sidelined justify their contemplation of divorce, or should they work on improving communication in the marriage? How would you handle repeated dismissals in important family decisions? Share your thoughts below!