AITA for confusing my baby sister into believing I’m her mom?

A 16-year-old girl has been stepping in to care for her baby sister since their mom seems distant, especially during teething episodes. The baby has grown attached, preferring the OP for comfort, naps, and even at her first birthday party.

After the baby refused to let their mom hold her during the celebration, the mom accused the OP of confusing the baby into thinking she’s her mother and demanded she step back. The OP feels conflicted, as she enjoys caring for her sister and doesn’t want to ignore her cries. read the original story below…

‘ AITA for confusing my baby sister into believing I’m her mom?’

I’m 16F and my dad passed away last year. Him and my mom had been divorced before that and they used to split custody and she’s been remarried to my stepdad for years. My baby sister turned 1 a couple of days ago and my mom is 5 months pregnant with a baby boy.

I guess the problem started when my sister started teething? It was at the beginning of summer break and mom would just let her cry it out in her nursery alone and my sister is LOUD. Not only was it annoying but also kind of sad because she’s just a baby and going through pain alone so I used to grab her and try to soothe her.

Being held and letting her chew on her fingers helped her some and I saw a TikTok of a teething baby using a cucumber and tried that too and it was like magic. Anyway, I thought babies just teeth once and I was so wrong, so it became a routine of me taking care of her a lot?

Mom didn’t care as long as she wasn’t crying, and I liked hanging out with her. It wasn’t 24/7 obviously, I had a part-time job and friends but whenever I came home, she would practically leap out of Mom/Stepdad’s arms wanting to come to me.

She also started fussing a lot whenever my mom would try to put her to sleep, like full-on baby kickboxing but she doesn’t have that problem with me. She just kind of cuddles up to my chest and drifts off.

Anyway, I thought that was a baby being a baby, but my mom was fuming after my sister’s birthday party because she wouldn’t let my mom hold her in pictures or for the cake cutting and my grandma made a comment about my sister and I being Siamese twins, but I just took it as we’re close? Idk.

My mom was fuming like I said, and she said that I’m confusing my sister into thinking I’m her mom and that I need to take a step back and stop it. What am I supposed to do just ignore her whenever she cries or whenever she babbles for me?

t’s not like I push my mom out of the way to get to her, it’s just that she’d be napping or in the bathroom or something and I don’t want my sister crying her little lungs out.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

WhyNotKaren −  NTA. Your sister prefers you over your mother because your mother has failed her as a parent. From the sounds of it, you are the only one who comforts her when she cries, shows her affection and gives her your time, and cares for her needs outside of physically.

Your mother is a bad parent. Who leaves a baby to scream cry and thinks that’s okay? If she wants to throw a hissy fit over the fact her teenager is more of a concerned parent than let her. Keep doing that you’re doing because this is helping your sister more than you know it.

CloudeeSkies −  NTA, when I was younger my mum would lock me in my room thinking it would make me go to sleep, it didn’t it traumatised me. I hate the dark and being alone and she didn’t care.

She neglected and abused me all throughout my childhood and only now in my teens am I realizing how horrible she really was (she calls this me ‘rebelling’ when I don’t want her near me) please try to get out of that toxic environment like I’m trying to do, I don’t know the full story but no mother should feel jealous of their daughter for parenting better than her.

Mysterious-Stock-948 −  That’s… Instead of your mother being grateful that you love your baby sister and are bonding with her/helping take care of her, she’s jealous? Maybe if she was doing her job, your sister would still reach out for her/want to be around her.. Absolutely NTA, OP. Way to go on being the best big sister for her!

No_Philosopher_1870 −  NTA. You bonded with your sister, where your mother didn’t, or at least not as well. You’re in a damned it you do, damned if you don’t situation with your sister, If you take the step back that your mother wants, it’s very, very likely that your mother will be angry with you when your sister cries and you don’t soothe her.

She needs to learn how to do this, because having two small children at once is at least three times the work of having only one, in my opinion, based solely on babysitting small children.

It is common for the crying of one child to start the other child crying, in a kind of hellish harmony, With your mother is pregnant with yet another baby, you can look forward to more child care.

Status-Ad5090 −  Some people enjoy the idea of being a mom but not actual taking on the responsibility and role as a mother

Addicted-2-books −  NTA your sister associates your mom with pain and being left alone while associating you with comfort. She doesn’t understand this of course being so young but that’s why she favors you.

ChaoticCrashy −  NTA You have developed a close bond with your sister- a great thing. Your mom is jealous, so she’s mad. Ignore her. You have done nothing wrong. She is having consequences for being a crappy mom.. Good luck!

hadMcDofordinner −  NTA Your mother is not terribly maternal or in a bad place mentally. Your little sister is attached to you because you are attached to her and are caring. This is not going to go well, your mother is going to have yet another baby and you are going to find yourself playing “mom” again.

Sit down with your mother and your grandmother and calmly ask how things are going to work. Explain that you are not willing to take on mothering of your siblings and that you are hoping that they,

the adults, will work how to take care of the 2 young ones. Of course, you can help with little things, but you have your life to live and want to remain a child for the time being.

Trevena_Ice −  NTA but your mom is. She is really angry because soemone else does HER job, while she got pregnant again to neglact the next baby?
Do what you feel is best for you and your sister. It is absolutly nice, that you are there for her.

And yes, it is normal for babys that they sometimes like a parental figure more then others for a while and go easier to sleep. If you don’t want to make a fuss with you mom, tell her something lke ‘mom, I just wanted to make the situation easier for you, because I know you have so much round you as being pregnant again.

Of course baby sister loves you but maybe she is a little confused about your changes’ (or some other BS to sweet-talk her. So she will leave you in peace) or you tell her directly ‘If you would do your job and be there for baby sis, I wouldn’t have to step up as a motherly figure. So eighter do your job or be happy that I’m there for sis and live with the consequences’

Bold-Belle2 −  NTA. Your mother is an awful parent and as a result, your sister is naturally drawn to you who actually cares about her. If she actually wants her daughter to be around her, she needs to start taking better responsibility instead of neglecting your sister.

Is the OP at fault for stepping into a maternal role, or should the mom take responsibility for building a stronger bond with the baby? What do you think about this complex family dynamic? Share your thoughts below!