AITA for choosing to go on a trip with my husband instead of spending more time with my parents?

Family expectations can sometimes clash with personal dreams. I (32F), originally from Brazil, moved abroad in 2019 with my husband (35M). We both love traveling and take advantage of our extra funds to enjoy a few international trips each year before starting a family.

I make it a point to see my parents by flying back to Brazil once a year and bringing them to visit me once a year. When they visit, they typically stay for three weeks, and during my trips back to Brazil, I work part-time so that I can still spend quality evenings and weekends with them.

However, recently a conflict arose when I announced that we would be flying to Peru for a week-long vacation before returning home. My mother was upset because I chose to use my vacation days for this trip instead of spending that extra time with her. Now I’m questioning if I’m being selfish for prioritizing travel with my husband over more time with my parents.

‘ AITA for choosing to go on a trip with my husband instead of spending more time with my parents?’

Dr. Laura Markham, a clinical psychologist specializing in family dynamics, explains, “It is completely understandable for individuals to prioritize personal growth and shared experiences with their partners. When financial stability and career flexibility allow for travel, it is natural for couples to take advantage of these opportunities. However, balancing these pursuits with family obligations is key, and open communication is essential.”

She adds, “If your parents feel neglected, it may be beneficial to schedule additional quality time with them during your next visit. This approach helps preserve important family bonds without forcing you to sacrifice your own interests.”

Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert, notes, “Family relationships evolve over time, and it is normal for priorities to shift. While your parents’ feelings are valid, it’s important that you and your partner also invest in experiences that enrich your lives. Negotiating these changes through honest conversation can help manage expectations on both sides.”

Both experts agree that your decision to travel is not inherently selfish, as long as you make a sincere effort to maintain family connections during your visits.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Several redditors expressed support for your decision. One user commented, “If you’ve been consistent about visiting your parents, using your vacation for a trip with your husband is perfectly reasonable. You’re allowed to pursue your own happiness too.”

Another commenter shared, “Traveling together as a couple is important for your relationship, especially when you’re planning a future family. As long as you’re making time for your parents when you’re home, you’re not the asshole.”

Ultimately, your decision to go on a trip with your husband instead of spending every available moment with your parents is not inherently selfish. It’s about prioritizing your own happiness and building a life together while still honoring family commitments. The key lies in communicating clearly with your parents and scheduling additional quality time when possible. This update raises an important question: How do we balance personal interests and travel with the desire to maintain close family bonds?

What would you do if you found yourself choosing between an international adventure and precious family time? Share your thoughts and experiences below—your insights might help others navigate the delicate balance between personal fulfillment and family obligations.