AITA for choosing my babies name w/o the help of the father ?

A Reddit user shared their story about navigating an unresponsive partner during pregnancy and deciding on their baby’s name without his input. Despite efforts to involve the father, his lack of participation left the mother-to-be to shoulder all responsibilities alone.Dive into this heartfelt account and share your thoughts below.

‘ AITA for choosing my babies name w/o the help of the father ?’

Before anyone judges, please just address the question at hand without delving into my personal life. Commenting on my parenting when there’s no rulebook is unnecessary. I’m simply asking for an honest opinion. My child’s father has been largely inactive, only speaking about what he plans to do.

I’m six months pregnant and have attended every doctor’s appointment alone. Early in my pregnancy, genetic testing showed positive results for spinal muscular atrophy and sickle cell.

The doctors and I needed him to contribute by providing a sample for genetic testing, but because we live in different states, it would have had to be mailed. He refused, assuming I’d put him on child support.

I don’t need his money—coming from a background with multiple degrees, several trades, assets, and a strong support network, I’m financially secure. What I needed was for him to show up and be involved.

I never asked for anything other than for him to attend key appointments, complete the genetic testing, participate in the gender reveal, and avoid causing unnecessary stress.

Despite refusing to participate in the genetic testing, I handled everything on my own—attending appointments, getting blood drawn, driving across town, dealing with multiple doctors, and managing the stress. Thankfully, I found out my child is healthy, and I shared the results with him.

Now, he’s acting as if nothing happened, which feels embarrassing for me. He didn’t contribute at all because he believes his role as a father doesn’t begin until the child is born, which I disagree with. Now that it’s time to name the baby, he wants to be involved, but I’ve already chosen a name.

I believe that you can’t pick and choose when to be a parent—just as I don’t have the option to choose when to be a mother. He should have been as eager to participate in the genetic testing to ensure her health as he is to help name her.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

cranbeery −  NTA but it’s probably time to decide exactly what you do and don’t want from him as a co-parent and begin as you mean to go on. Don’t chit-chat with him about the baby if you don’t want him to feel like he gets to do what he wants with her.

Don’t involve him in some decisions unless you want him to be involved with the others. He’s only interested in cute stuff now, but who knows how that will change? And don’t invite him to join you at the hospital if you aren’t OK with him picking a name and filling out the birth certificate behind your back.

R/namenerds is full of stories of fathers doing just that. And get custody, support and parenting time ironed out in the courts regardless of how you’re cooperating now, before the baby is old enough to be aware of it. R/parenting is full of parents who have to do so after years of resentment build up, and that’s never a good thing.

4th_chakra −  My child’s father has been largely inactive we live in different states, it would have had to be mailed. He refused, assuming I’d put him on child support. Thankfully, I found out my child is healthy, and I shared the results with him. Now, he’s acting as if nothing happened.

He may *technically* be the father, but he wants nothing to do with being a dad. No child support, resisting medical support, you are covering all the costs + doing all the legwork, and he “doesn’t feel he needs to contribute until after the birth”.

Added to that, his tune of wanting to get involved did a 180 flip once he realized the child would be healthy. Meaning, he wanted nothing to do with helping to support a child that would have a lifetime of extra financial and medical needs. He is a genetic contributor, not a future parent.

Now that it’s time to name the baby, he wants to be involved, but I’ve already chosen a name. I believe that you can’t pick and choose when to be a parent
Good for you. At least your child will have one parent that loves them enough to help them through the thick and thin, not just supporting them on the good days, and when it’s convenient.. NTA

Normal-Height-8577 −  NTA. I’m usually gung-ho about people cooperating to choose a name, and starting parenting as they mean to go on. But…this guy’s already failing to be supportive in so many ways. So s**ew him. Get custody formally sorted out. Get the child support you’re due.

Don’t let him in your delivery room, but pick someone who will actually help you. And name your child yourself. Because parenthood doesn’t start after birth. It starts with the pregnancy.

TheFishermansWife22 −  He doesn’t become a father until she is born, why would you involve someone who isn’t the father yet in naming the child??? Use his dumb ass logic against him.

Armorer- −  NTA if he has not shown interest in helping you through the pregnancy with the issues you have faced alone I can’t fault you for choosing whatever name you like. Sounds like so far his only contribution has been sperm. I would just recommend that you have an honest conversation with him about how you feel and your plans for naming the baby.

West-Transition3552 −  To add, I feel like he’s more focused on the idea of being a father than the actual responsibilities it involves. He talks excitedly about things like walking through malls, taking pictures, and imagining her skin color or hair texture, but never once shows concern about whether she’s a healthy baby.

NameNumberUnderscore −  NTA. Like you said, you can’t pick and choose which things you want to be apart of. You’re a single mom and handling your business, keep up the great work!

samtweiss −  NTA and please give your child your surname too if he isn’t really interested in being a father. I am forever thankful, my mother gave me her surname and not my sperm donor’s.

International-Fee255 −  NTA But do go after him for child support, you can put it all into n account for your child later in life. And go through the courts for everything, I can see him being a huge problem going forward when things don’t go his way. You’ve done all the work so far, you should be the one to name your baby.

GingerWhoDrinksTea −  NTA What’s telling here is the part about him refusing to participate in genetic testing b/c of child support concerns. If this man is resistant to financially caring for his child, he does not have a say in the naming of that child. You don’t get to pick & choose in what way you’re going to be a parent.