AITA for cancelling plans with someone after they decided to bring their kids without my approval?

One Reddit user is questioning whether they were in the wrong for canceling plans after their acquaintance, Jesse, invited their kids along without prior approval. This person has had multiple negative experiences with Jesse’s children in the past and doesn’t feel comfortable being around them.

Despite feeling bad about the situation, they decided to back out of the plans to avoid another uncomfortable outing. Was this a justified decision or an overreaction?

‘ AITA for cancelling plans with someone after they decided to bring their kids without my approval?’

I met a person in a group for people with social anxiety a while back. They seemed pretty cool at first, so we exchanged contact info. We talk sometimes but not regularly, and honestly Im not sure I want to be their friend.

but I also dont know how to tell them I dont want to keep in touch without coming off as a judgemental a**hole and other people in my life have said that that just ghosting them would be rude. Jesse, we will call them has 2 kids. One who is 6ish the other 15ish. (Not exactly sure tbh) The 15 year old seems chill, no issue with them.

The 6 year old, however…. I ran a table top game at a local community college over the summer, the college is totally chill with it as long as no one makes a mess, especially as half the people involved are alumni. Jesse promised the 6 year old would be no issue and just stay on the tablet while we played.

That was, in fact, a lie. The 6 year old spent part of the game smashing food into the brick floor. Jesse said it was fine, theyd clean it up after we were done. End of game comes. The “cleaning” the 15 year old did was to just pick up the big pieces of food and leave the rest. Jesse refused to help clean because their back hurt.

The rest of us had to scrape food off the floor and scrub it clean. I have 9 herniated discs in my spine, 3 of which are pinching nerves. My back also hurts. I still cleaned. While we were doing that 6 yr old started stomping crackers into the nearby carpet.

Jesse did nothing to stop him other than ask twice to stop, which he ignored, then loudly screamed at him to get in the wagon and sit down or they would spank him. He ignored them. 15 year old had to physically pick up 6 year and put him in the wagon so we could finish cleaning.

A couple months ago we went to the movies as a 4 some, me, Jesse and Jesse’s 2 kids. I dont even remember what we went to see. I did not want to bring the kids after the experience at the college but felt I had no choice because Jesse has no one who will babysit for them and they cant be left alone at the homeless shelter.

I especially didnt want to do this because I ended up having to pay for all 4 of us because Jesse couldn’t. (I am terrible at saying no to people. Im working on it.) Jesse brought candy from home and snuck it in. Jesse let 6 yr old eat so much candy during the movie he threw up everywhere.

Jesse had 15 yr old get the movie staff, then continued watching the movie while staff cleaned up the vomit and did nothing to help. They said later that it was their (theater employees) job to clean up messes in the theater, not Jesse’s job.

Today we talked about going to the movies, one of the first times I’ll see Jesse since the previous incident. I specifically made sure to pick showtimes during when 6 year old would be at school. There were only a few seats left in each showtime when we looked online (it is a very small theater) that were together.

Jesse decided that they were going to pull both kids out of school early so they could go to the movies with us. I pointed out there were not 4 seats together in either showing I had suggested. Jesse replied that 6 year old will sit in their lap the whole time, it will be fine.

I no longer believe Jesse when they say stuff like that so I said it was best to not do the movies at all. Jesse was clearly upset that I no longer wanted to go out after inviting them. Alone Jesse seems great. As a parent I cannot help but think Jesse is pretty terrible.

I dont want to be around Jesse when their kids are around because I end up having to be the parent. If I wanted to be a parent I would have had my own kids. Also, Im already Aunt K. That’s what Jesse calls me. Ive met these kids 5 times max.

I dont feel like their aunt, Im not interested in being their aunt and I honestly cant stand to be around the 6 year old because Jesse lets him do whatever he wants because he is autistic (undiagnosed according to Jesse).

The only time Jesse disciplines him is when he does something to annoy or inconvenience Jesse themself and then they jump straight to screaming and threats of spanking, though Ive never personally seen them spank him.So AITA for cancelling plans with someone after they invited their kids along without my agreeing to it?

back from the Reddit community:

Cowabungamon −  NTA. Jesse is not, in fact, great, in any setting or combination. Jesse’s a bad person.

Fluffy_Sheepy −  NTA. First, you didn’t invite Jesse’s kids, just Jesse. Adding extra people to an outing without the already involved people agreeing on it is not cool. Second, pulling kids out of school to go see a movie sounds very irresponsible.

You probably should not support that. Third, if the younger kid is poorly behaved, then it makes sense that you don’t want to be around him. Though seriously, move on from this “friendship”  you’ll save yourself a lot of headaches if you do. 

MRSAMinor −  Ew. No. Jesse is selfish and rude. Listen – this is when you slow-fade someone. Jesse isn’t your friend. They’re just someone you feel obligated to. You don’t need to hang out.

Get busy, and just be pleasant and unavailable. NTA, **but** – learn some non-confrontational ways to set boundaries or your life will be a series of these”friendships”.

Rowana133 −  NTA. Honestly, I’m wondering if she joined the group for social anxiety to find “friends” like you who are more of a…doormat. sorry, I know that’s not very nice, but I would’ve told her off at the tabletop gaming thing.

I certainly wouldn’t have paid for her and her kids, and I certainly wouldn’t entertain this “friendship” anymore. It’s very one-sided, and that just shows the fact that this woman…is NOT a good person. She’s not a good mother, and she’s a mooch and user.

Personally, I’d just ghost her or text her saying that you don’t think she’s very compatible with you as a friend. Either way, she’s gonna be upset. You have to get over that and learn to protect your peace.

Cheebs84 −  NTA, I wouldn’t want to be around that kid either and I’m not sure i could ever be friends with someone who lets their child behave so poorly in public.

LuminousVibe6 −  I understand that Jesse may be struggling with their circumstances, but that doesn’t excuse their parenting choices. It’s important to set boundaries and prioritize your own mental health.

You’re not obligated to be a parent figure to someone else’s child.”Remember, it’s okay to protect your own peace of mind, even if it means disappointing someone else

Beneficial-Focus3702 −  NTA.

AlternativeLie9486 −  NTA. How Jesse behaves in public and how they handle their children is part of who they are. And it’s not good. Jesse didn’t care that their child behaved atrociously in public spaces and let other people clean up the messes.

Taking children out of school to watch a movie? That’s a no. Letting you pay for everything? No. This is a relationship that you need to back out of in as few steps as possible.

JunePlum79 −  NTA. Jesse is definitely not your friend, so please go NC (since you have a hard time saying no).

LetsGetsThisPartyOn −  Jesse gives anxiety

Was the user in the wrong for not wanting to deal with the situation again, or are they justified in setting boundaries and avoiding uncomfortable situations? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments!