AITA for cancelling Christmas plans late on Christmas Eve after everyone had already arrived?

A Redditor (25M) who stepped up to raise his younger siblings (19M, 21F) after their mother’s death canceled Christmas plans late on Christmas Eve after learning that his siblings had secretly rekindled a relationship with their estranged father and invited him to join the holiday. The father, who abandoned them years ago, had a history of abuse and neglect, leaving the Redditor feeling betrayed and furious. Was this reaction too extreme, or a necessary boundary? Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for cancelling Christmas plans late on Christmas Eve after everyone had already arrived?’

I (25M) was meant to host my siblings (19M and 21F) for Christmas. Our mom died several years ago and I finished raising them because the a**hole who made us walked out when my mom was pregnant with my brother. My siblings don’t remember him but I do. My memories of him are not happy ones and I even remember him hitting my mom twice.

The thing is we were better off without him but he avoided child support even though mom chased him through the courts for years. He never paid. I always hated him. I always hoped he’d died at some point and would never be able to f**k up our lives again.

My siblings didn’t really talk about him and neither did I. Though we did talk about what he did to mom and the bad stuff I remembered outside of that. There were two times years ago when they asked mom and she answered their questions in the best way she knew how.

When mom died my siblings were both under 18 so I moved them in with me and we made it work. I also helped them go to college which is what they wanted. I was finally able to afford a nice place for myself and I always welcomed them to stay with me if we needed to and it was clear I would be hosting Christmas for us for at least a few years. This year wasn’t an exception and they arrived yesterday morning.

We hung out all day and they had mentioned a hotel and I asked if they had rooms in one and they said no, that they thought we should go to a hotel restaurant one of these days. But they were acting off and by 11pm last night I found out why.

They had reached out to the guy who made us and had a relationship with him and they knew I didn’t want one but decided to invite him to my home for Christmas. They told me they wanted us to be a family. I said no and I told them I was never letting that man into my life. They said I can’t avoid him while they have a relationship and to give it a chance and it’s Christmas and family. I told them to stop and that he will never be my family.

They told me he was in a hotel room waiting to come today for Christmas Day dinner. We argued and they told me I needed to give this a chance and he’s my dad. I told them I wanted nothing from that man and I wish he’d died and left us the f**k alone. They told me it’s horrible to wish someone dead. And that he was coming whether I wanted him to or not.

I kicked them out and told them none of them are welcome and I said if he fucks them over or beats them or threatens them (which he did to me when I was just a little kid) then they should not come to me because I wouldn’t pick up the pieces. I said they know what he did and they still want him and they went behind my back and I would not celebrate with them or fix this for them.

They didn’t expect it and argued that I couldn’t cancel Christmas and we’re family and I couldn’t leave them to the streets. They had the choice to join him at the hotel or to drive back to campus overnight. I told them that. They texted a bunch but I didn’t reply and I woke up a while ago to more of them.. AITA?

These are the responses from Reddit users:

trayC-lou −  If they thought you would’ve being ok with it they wouldn’t have waited until Christmas Eve night to tell you. NTA, you are justified in what you said and did they have no right to give you zero choice in the matter that is so out of line. Unfortunately they get what they deserve now, they are free to give him the time of day if they wish, but to force it on you is something else entirely…especially on Christmas Day. Sorry but as siblings go that is the absolute worst most ungrateful and selfish act they could do.

Mrsanjuro75 −  Coming whether you want him there or not? It’s your house. Leaving aside the family dynamics for a second, you just invites someone to another person’s house like that? You are NTA. Your feelings about the one who made you are valid. Your siblings are free to forgive and even encourage you (to some degree) to reconcile but forcing the issue at Christmas when you are hosting is m**ipulative and cruel.

SuperSonicAdventure −  NTA!! That man abused your mom and abandoned and didn’t give you guys a dime. And your siblings want you two to get alone all buddy, buddy? How did they even find him! I doubt your mom told them anything about them. Did she? Anyways it Christmas. Protect your peace and have a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!! 

TheVaneja −  NTA if they want to crash and burn they have the right to but they don’t have the right to force you to follow them off a cliff. You most certainly can avoid him and you most certainly don’t have to let them dictate who is and isn’t in your life. I think I wouldn’t even bother looking at their texts until after new years, and once I had I’d tell them if they want a relationship with the d**k they are adults and free to. But they are not free to tell me who I include in my life and if they won’t accept that then they won’t be in my life.

ConstructionNo9678 −  NTA. I wouldn’t be shocked if your sperm donor is the one who’s been getting it into their head that you’re all a family and need to spend time with each other no matter what. Unfortunately for them, the world doesn’t become a certain way because they wish for it and they don’t get to invite him into your home.

While it may be rough to be out on the street in the middle of the night right before Christmas, you couldn’t realistically let them stay at your place without risking them letting your abuser back into your life. This is a tough situation to be in. For the future, I would stick to meeting them in public locations where you can easily leave if it turns out they bring your dad to an event. Be careful what information you tell them.

Right now I would try to get my mind off of this for a few days, and then try to start figuring out if you want them in your life (and how close you want them to be). This kind of thing hugely damages a relationship, and you can continue setting the tone for what you’re okay with. Good luck.

Careless-Image-885 −  NTA. Really? “He’s coming whether you want him to or not.” That’s bold. You didn’t leave them on the street. They had options for shelter. Just tell them that they made their choice and must live with that choice. They are no longer little children. Then block. They can go to their sperm donor for help to finish paying for college.

Debsha −  I really liked when you said “you would not fix this for them”. I believe this is first for this site. Your awareness of the consequences of this situation is amazing. You were absolutely right in having them leave. You are NTA.

LibraryMouse4321 −  Do they not realize that he only wants a relationship now that he is no longer obligated to pay child support? He skillfully dodged that responsibility until your youngest sibling was an adult. Tell them you’ll meet him long enough to get all his important details so you can legally go after him for all the child support he owes. Tell your ungrateful siblings that their father can now pay for their college since he’s so happy to be back in their lives.

PeanutFunny093 −  NTA. They can spend Christmas in the hotel room with him. When he refuses to spring for dinner, they’ll see his true colors.

lowkeybop −  NTA: You need to TEXT them: “He VIOLENTLY CHILD ABUSED ME. FORCING the VICTIM into a room with their ABUSER is disgusting and traumatizing.” What are they going to say to that? There is no response. He can apologize but that can’t undo the abuse and a**ndonment. Your siblings had good, naive, intentions, but they didn’t think things through.

Even if you were to someday choose to forgive him and let go of the hate on your own, there no reason you should ever have to be in a room with a man who beat you and didn’t pay child support to your mom. It is fine to wish he was dead. And waiting till Christmas Eve to spring it on you was M**IPULATIVE and DIABOLICAL. Probably his idea because he sounds like an emotional manipulator.