AITA for cancelling a family vacation that I paid for after my niece stabbed me in the back?

A Redditor shares how they canceled a family vacation they paid for after feeling betrayed by their niece. They had only asked for basic safety information about her travel plans, but the niece accused them of inappropriate behavior and involved her boyfriend, leading to fallout in the family. Was the decision to cancel justified? Read the full story below!

‘ AITA for cancelling a family vacation that I paid for after my niece stabbed me in the back?’

My(f) niece(f18) has been like a sister to me. She’s dating this guy who lives in another country. She met him while he was working at her college. They spent three days together and then he left. No one in the family has ever met him, talked to him or seen him. I’d been helping with a bunch of personal issues and just getting her ready by supporting her and helping her with anything she needed before her trip.

It’s important to say that this guy is military and so am I but I’m an officer while he is a senior nco. Before she left I had asked her about giving me his contact info and making sure he was comfortable with that. I also asked about where she would be staying and if she could check in with me when she landed and before she was returning just to make sure she was safe.

I reiterated many many times that I loved her, I was proud of her, and I wanted her to have fun and be safe. I’m scheduled to come home for the holidays and I had booked a weekend trip for her and her mom. Put them in a private suit at the historic five star hotel, and had made lunch and dinner reservations. I’m paying for the entire trip. All she had to do was show up.

This is where I may be the a**hole. I noticed when I was asking her about his contact info she was being cold and vague. She told me he didn’t have a phone number. They communicated through social media. She told me she didn’t know where she would be staying if it was in or off base. So I left it at that. I never pressured her and respected her privacy.

Well my mom asked her during family dinner why she didn’t give me or anyone in the family any contact info and she replied that she didn’t like how I had asked. She said it was in appropriate and she told her bf who reported it to his commanding officer. I live in the other side of the country.

I wasn’t there during the conversation but I guess family overheard her response and asked her how she could do that and did she not think her actions could cause trouble for me. Things became tense between the family after that. Most of the family vouched for me.

I’ve sent family members a screenshot of the text thread and no one can pinpoint where in the conversation I was “inappropriate”. Also, for those that don’t know about military life a senior NCO isn’t a 22 year old kid. Even though she doesn’t answer questions about him because she will shut down, I know for a fact this guy is much older because I’ve asked connections back home.

Family thinks he’s putting things in her head because she said he didn’t like me asking for his contact info. I’ve done my best to help and assist her with the limited info she’s provided me and respect her as an adult. But she was never like this. I feel upset, stressed, betrayed, and confused.

I’ve already talked to mentors and my command and they told me I have nothing to worry about. I did nothing wrong. I was looking out for her as I always do and being there for her whenever she needs me. After learning about what she had done and her boyfriend complaining to his chain of command about me I felt hurt.

So I called her mom and cancelled the trip. A part of me didn’t feel right financing an all expense paid weekend of luxury for her. Part of me feels used and dumb for giving and giving in to her while she complained about me to her much older boyfriend and him complaining about me when I only asked her once about where she would be staying and his contact info.

Family pointed out in the text thread where she was visibly giving me the run around not wanting to answer and I didn’t push it. So AITA for still wanting to go out the trip I paid for but just uninviting her instead of canceling and maybe inviting other relatives instead of her and her mom?

These are the responses from Reddit users:

CymruB −  I wouldn’t pay for her holidays. If she had concerns she could’ve put her big girl pants on and voiced them to you. The situation sounds really sketchy but she’ll have to make her own mistakes now and feel the consequences of them.

NHFNCFRE −  18 years old, going to another country to see a guy who no one else has even met, who she has only spent a few days with, refusing to give contact or location information? What could possibly go wrong?!??

Background-Heat-5768 −  A senior NCO isn’t just not some 22 year old kid, they are likely in their 30s and possibly in their 40s, depending on how senior. It’s rather obvious that the guy is kinda a predator, and is for certain filing her head with nonsense.

It’s also unlikely that he would have informed the NCO’s chain of command either as he would have to reveal that he’s dating an 18 year old. Not illegal, but it would put him under greater scrutiny that he might make a move on junior enlisted that are in that age range. NTA. Tell the niece to have her sugar daddy pay for her trip.

Tall-Negotiation6623 −  NTA. And if she believes you are asking her inappropriate questions and bad mouths you to her boyfriend, then why would she still expect you to pay for her trip? She’s dating a l**er that can’t get a woman his own age and has decided to find a young girl to manipulate.

He probably doesn’t want you to have a close relationship with her anymore because there is s**t around him that he doesn’t want you or the family to know about. Your niece probably think she’s super mature and cool for dating an old guy (so many young girls do that) but is just being preyed on. Hopefully your family will make her see the truth soon, but in the meantime you shouldn’t put up with her attitude or pay for her things.

Outside-Factor3117 −  I’m guessing since he is a SNCO and they have been dating for a year plus…..he is a groomer and if you find out his name you can report him under the UCMJ and he will be sent to Leavenworth. Also, most older troops are not allowed to moonlight (very rarely are they allowed) so I don’t know why he would be working anywhere besides the military.

He didn’t report crap to his command because command doesn’t care and there was no proof of wrong doing that upset his career. Also, that is the whole can of worms the slimy bastid is trying to avoid. Are you a young officer? I’m guessing if you are, he is using that against you. This whole thing sounds super suss. Wouldn’t be surprised if he isn’t even in the military and your niece is gonna get kidnapped overseas.

WeirdPinkHair −  NTA. I was never military but I come from a military family so I have a idea of alot of the ins and outs. The whole thing sounds hinky as hell! He’s going to be a lot older just from his rank. She’s only 18 and they’ve been communicating since she was a minor from what I can tell from your comments. No one knows a single thing about him.

She says he’s military but is that true? He could be married, may not be military. If he is and he complained to his CO they’d ask questions and see what you’re asking is completely valid. Your entire job is protecting people so you protecting your niece is kinda expected.

The fact that no one has any idea where she is, with whom, has no way to contact her etc is very worrying. She’s a fool. I’m surprised her parents aren’t climbing the walls. From a military perspective his actions are very questionable. I think his CO, if he knew the facts we have, would be having words.

A lot of military have ‘bringing the service into disrepute’ in the contract and this could be a viable reason given she was a minor when they started talking, hiding who he is from her family etc. Doesn’t give good optics.

thearticulategrunt −  NTA. Also, as a former officer myself (forcibly medically retired for combat injuries after 17 years service) this guy sounds like a problem.

Happily admitting that I can be an AH, it should be all to easy to contact the university to find out about him or if he filed a complaint to request disclosure of who tried to besmirch your name then let his chain of command know that they may well have a groomer on their hands or if nothing else that he may well be behaving in a fashion unbecoming of an NCO. Turn about is fair play and it may help to protect your niece.

peanutandbaileysmama −  NTA. Tell her, “since you put my job at risk, I no longer feel comfortable paying for a vacation when you openly disrespected me and put my job at risk to get a few giggles. So if you want to go, you can pay for it yourself.”

Atlantic_Nikita −  NTA.

WrenDrake −  Nope, she chose to slander you. This is the consequences of her actions. As for the guy, this is some serious red flag behavior. I don’t think he has good intentions. He’s trying to stay in the shadows and not be known. I suspect he has very bad intentions and doesn’t want someone who could adversely impact him to know who he is.

Do you think canceling the vacation was a fair reaction to the situation? Was the OP justified in feeling hurt and pulling back support, or should they have handled the conflict differently? How would you navigate such family dynamics? Share your thoughts below!