AITA for canceling my wife’s bday plans?

A Reddit user shares his dilemma about canceling his wife’s plans for his upcoming birthday. Despite asking for a low-key celebration, his wife arranged an elaborate day out, including a fancy restaurant and show, which clashes with his preferences and financial concerns. Is he wrong for wanting to cancel the plans? Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for canceling my wife’s bday plans? ‘

So my birthday is coming up. Last year, my wife threw a big surprise party for me. I am not a big birthday person. Didn’t complain – but saw it coming and didn’t really want it. Pretended to be surprised and had a good time regardless and appreciated her. However, it was way too expensive.

I told her next year I don’t want to spend any money. I’m more of a low key guy. Ordering in food and watching a movie would be ideal for me. She also does not make much money right now, so we really rely on my paycheck (she’s almost done law school). I really didn’t enjoy paying the credit card bill after last years party.

I will go all out for her. I enjoy gift giving and planning things. However, I just don’t want her to spend money on me. If I need something, I’ll just buy it. Anyways, I find out she planned a whole day in the city 2 hours away at a fancy restaurant. his means I gotta drive two hours there and two hours back (she’s scared of driving in the city).

She also bought expensive tickets to a show and a few gifts. Am I an a**hole for saying to cancel the whole thing? I prefaced weeks ago to not spend too much money on anything. We have two expensive trips coming (Italy for her graduation).

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Candid_Thought_6746 −  If she already knows you don’t think these things then does them anyways then she’s clearly disrespecting your wishes imo. You should tell her to cancel and be firm about this.

Tell her if she really cares about ur day then you guys should celebrate by doing things that make u comfortable not things that she wants. It’s kind of really that simple…

LostInNothingBox −  She wants to party and have a good time. Your birthday is just a reason. This is not for you. This is for her enjoyment. You are just a reason and an ATM.

Becalmandkind −  NTA. You’re either not expressing yourself strongly enough or she’s not a good listener. I’m sure she means well, but you need to just plainly say, “I don’t want to do that.”

diminishingpatience −  NTA. I told her next year I don’t want to spend any money. I prefaced weeks ago to not spend too much money on anything.. It’s your birthday, not hers.

ChaoticCapricorn −  So…you ended up paying for your own surprise party and I’m inferring this ‘gift’ will also entail the use of YOUR credit card? Um…no. if she can only afford $50 for your birthday, you get a $50 homemade dinner for your birthday.

Or a picnic or whatever. You shouldn’t be paying for your own birthday, and alternatively, if you are gonna pay, you set the spending limit and activities.. NTA.

kozak65 −  NTA. I think in the future just say no surprises and let’s plan the birthday together, or at least have her run the plans past you first. I’m not big on birthdays either and it took me a while to realize that people celebrate birthdays the way they were brought up and they like to keep the tradition alive.

So I learned that birthdays are more than just for the receiver. It allows the family to celebrate the person and spend special time with them.

Individual-Paint7897 −  NTA. It makes me uncomfortable when people make a fuss over me. My birthdays truly feel like a dreaded chore I must get through. My family ignores my feelings on this. My preference would be to ignore it completely, but apparently other people think they know what I want better than I do.

I just force a smile, thank them, pretend to enjoy myself, & secretly wish they would all leave so I can get back to whatever I was doing. My sympathies. Maybe explain to your wife that it really isn’t a gift if you have to work triple overtime to pay for it.

lavasca −  NTA. It sounds like she is using your birthday ascan excuse to do things she likes rather than honor you.

Girl_with_no_Swag −  NTA. But also. You’ve told her what you don’t want, but for the love of god, throw the girl a bone and tell her what you DO want. She wants to make you feel special on a special day. It’s a natural desire for someone who loves another person.

You do it for her, but won’t allow her to do it for you. If you just stick with “I just buy myself what I want when I want it” then that’s really a power play, setting yourself up for only allowing you to make you happy. You are robbing her of filling a natural desire to feel like she’s made you feel good. Let the woman you love make you happy.

If what you really want is a low key night in, that’s fine. Tell her you’d like your favorite take out etc. The next time you want a material item, don’t buy it for yourself and instead tell her you’d like it for birthday/Christmas etc.

TickityTickityBoom −  NTA – however, are you actually paying for the show and the meal? If you aren’t, suggest you pay for a hotel and make this hers and yours birthday celebrations. Alternatively, what me and my husband agreed on is a budget of £20 to come up with the most innovative presents for birthdays and xmases.

Was the husband justified in wanting to cancel the plans given his financial concerns and simple preferences, or should he appreciate the effort his wife put into planning the day? How would you balance celebrating a loved one’s birthday with their preferences and financial constraints? Share your opinions below!