AITA for canceling Christmas plans with my in laws after they mocked my brother?

A Reddit user (29F) is married to Luke (32M), and they’ve been invited to spend Christmas with his parents as usual. This year, the user’s autistic brother Ethan (24M) was planning to join, and it was important to her that he felt comfortable around Luke’s family. However, during Thanksgiving, Luke’s parents mocked Ethan after a social misunderstanding.

Despite the user expressing her anger and Luke’s dad being told off, no apology was given. The user canceled the Christmas plans with her in-laws, refusing to spend the holiday with people who disrespected her brother. Now, her in-laws are accusing her of ruining Christmas and being overly sensitive. She wonders if she’s being too harsh. Read the full story below…

‘ AITA for canceling Christmas plans with my in laws after they mocked my brother?’

I’m a 29F married to my husband, Luke (32M), and we’ve been together for five years. This year, my in laws invited us to their house for Christmas, as they do every year. Normally, I don’t mind going it’s a bit chaotic, but it’s nice to see family.

This year, however, my younger brother, Ethan (24M), was also planning to join us. Ethan is autistic and struggles in social situations, but he’s been working hard to be more comfortable around people. It meant a lot to me that he was willing to spend Christmas with Luke’s family.

The issue started during Thanksgiving. Ethan stopped by briefly to drop off a pie he made for Luke’s parents. While he was there, he had a bit of an awkward interaction where he misunderstood a joke Luke’s dad made and responded earnestly. I thought it was harmless, but after Ethan left, Luke’s mom and dad started mocking him. They imitated his voice, exaggerated his mannerisms, and made some pretty cruel comments about how “he’ll never fit in.”

I was furious and told them to stop, but they brushed it off as “just teasing.” Luke, to his credit, told them it was out of line, but they didn’t apologize.

Fast forward to now: I told Luke I didn’t want to spend Christmas with his family if they couldn’t respect my brother. He agreed, and we told his parents we’d be celebrating at home instead. They’re now calling me overly sensitive and accusing me of ruining Christmas. They said Ethan wouldn’t even know they made those jokes, so why should it matter?

I feel like I’m standing up for my brother, but part of me wonders if I’m being too harsh. AITA?

Check out how the community responded:

TheArcticWolf17 −  NTA, you didn’t ruin it, they did because they were insensitive AHs. Good riddance to them.

BeachinLife1 −  Good grief, of course you are not being too harsh. Whether or not your brother ever knows they mocked him, they did, in fact, mock him.You know what they think of him, so why in the world would you subject Ethan to more of their crap, and give them more fodder for their sick version of “entertainment?” They sound like horrible human beings.

God forbid you and your husband ever have a special needs child…you’d have to keep your own child away from your husband’s family to protect him or her. And if your child is not special needs, you don’t want them teaching your child their heinous behavior.. NTA!

omur1987 −  NTA. Your in-laws were straight up cruel, and mocking your brother like that says more about their character than anything else. It doesn’t matter if Ethan didn’t hear it, you did, and their behavior was disgusting. Setting boundaries isn’t ruining Christmas rather it’s standing up for someone you love. Good on you and Luke for prioritizing respect over tradition. Let them be mad enjoy a drama free holiday instead!

DreamGlitterX −  NTA and not too harsh. You did right by your brother and kudos to your husband for having your back.

lapsteelguitar −  Dude, you are good standing up for your bro. And just because your bro will never know, is not a reason to ignore their insults. You know. It really helps that your SO is standing with you against the parents.. NTA. Stay strong.

Existing-Victory7097 −  Oh, yes, the old “you’re being too sensitive” line. No, they are being AHs- deeply INsensitive and awful. You’re right to stand up for your brother and draw some boundaries here, and nice to see your husband sticking up for you both as well.

lovebeinganasshole −  Aren’t they a little old for that kind of behavior? Wow. I mean I would expect those type of behaviors from teenagers but grown ass parents?? Old enough to have grandchildren?. NTA.

sweetorchidd −  NTA – You’re absolutely right to stand up for your brother, and it’s not too much to ask for basic respect, especially when it comes to family.

FairyFlost −  NTA. Big yikes on your in-laws’ behavior! It’s 2023, and mocking someone for how they interact due to their autism isn’t “just teasing,” it’s pretty uncool. Props to you for standing up for your brother, Ethan. Maybe your in-laws should get a lump of coal this year for lacking basic empathy. Besides, who wants to spend Christmas with people who don’t get the true festive spirit of inclusivity and kindness? Stick to your decision; you’re not ruining Christmas, just upgrading it to a more loving version!