AITA for calling out my stepsister for asking me a question that could get me into trouble and mom for backing her?

A Reddit user shared a story about a tense relationship with his stepsister and mother after his stepsister repeatedly asked him a difficult, emotionally charged question. Despite staying polite and civil, he’s faced pressure from both his stepsister and mother to embrace a “real sibling” role.

When he finally spoke up about the discomfort the question caused, it led to a conflict, resulting in punishment and hurt feelings. Read the full story below to get the details on this family struggle.

‘ AITA for calling out my stepsister for asking me a question that could get me into trouble and mom for backing her?’

Three weeks ago my stepsister (15f) first asked me (16m) if I’d care if she died tomorrow. The question was asked out of nowhere. She just came into my room at 10pm to ask me on a Friday night. I told her that wasn’t a question I would answer.

Three days later she asked me the question again and said I had a weird reaction to the question. I ignored her but she asked again, this time in front of my mom. My mom backed up my stepsister and told me she was allowed to ask since I’m so distant with her and refuse to stop calling her my stepsister when she calls me her brother.

I got really frustrated with them and I called them out. I told my stepsister she was asking a question that would lead to a really bad reaction if I answered one way and she’d likely call b**lshit with the good answer.

I told her she might not like that I call her my stepsister when she calls me her brother but it doesn’t mean she can force questions that could have negative consequences on me. I told mom she was just looking for me to say something that could get me into trouble for this because she doesn’t like that I still use step.

My mom told me I should be willing to accept consequences, like punishment consequences, if I’m going to remain distant from more than half of my family (stepdad and stepsister). I told her she wasn’t being fair because I was civil and polite and I didn’t cause s**t for anyone.

She yelled at me that I should have been willing to open my heart to growing our family after dad died and instead I made life sad for all three of them because I’m not along for the ride. She said being polite isn’t good enough when people’s emotions and hearts are in the mix.

My stepsister started crying which made mom send me to my room. She took my phone for 5 days as a punishment and my stepsister told me after the punishment was handed down that it served me right for not being the brother she wanted.

Additional info you might need: My dad died when I was 7, mom remarried when I was 10. I had grief therapy and we all did family therapy together. I’m close to both sets of grandparents and one paternal uncle.

My stepsister’s mom abandoned her when she was a baby and she has no contact with her mom’s side of the family and only a little contact with her dad’s side. Her dad isn’t close to his family and he has tried to change it but doesn’t work.

She wanted me to be her brother from the start and called me her brother before my mom even married her dad. I never say sister or dad for her and her dad. I don’t hate her. I was always more indifferent but lately starting to dislike her for being so pushy and whiny about it.. AITA?

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

MerlinBiggs −  NTA. Your mother is. Punishing you will do the opposite of making you closer. You can’t force people to be close. You can only give people time and maybe they will get close naturally.

blackwillow-99 −  NTA mom really is burning bridges huh?

Majestic_feline00 −  NTA. Can’t force a relationship through punishment. Can I ask a deep question? Could your mom’s force and punishment be the reason why you can’t feel close to your step dad and step sister?

It’s been 6 years of them in your life. What is stopping that relationship from progressing? You do not have to answer this. I’m just getting philosophical.

NASA_official_srsly −  Oh yes, b**lying your son is really a great way to foster a mother-son relationship. Mom’s a smart one isn’t she?

Freeverse711 −  Your mom’s an a**hole.

lifevisions −  NTA, your stepsister is big ass…she totally manipulated this situation resulting in you losing phone privileges. Your mother on the other hand has issues, and is wrong to push this family narrative.

Sorry OP , I’m certain your Mama loves you, however, she’s blinded by her desire of a family. Going forward, your best action would be is to not engage with your stepsister. Keep emotions in check. Soon you’ll be 18, and you can build your life-creating distance. Good luck OP

Mrs_Weaver −   NTA – She said being polite isn’t good enough when people’s emotions and hearts are in the mix. But apparently that only applies to other people’s emotions and hearts, not yours.

If your mom thinks it’s so easy to change feelings, why can’t she and your step-sis and step-dad just change theirs? Why don’t they just stop caring if you say step-sister instead of sister? Your mom and step-sis need to understand that the more they push, the more they push you away.

plm56 −  NTA – And when you turn 18, move out, & your mother wonders why you never visit, you can point to this incident as a sterling example.

Distinct-Session-799 −  NTA and every time I read these stories I just want to have a little chat with the parent..just a little chat but I can’tbe responsible for what may come out my mouth during that chat.

No_Cockroach4248 −  NTA, your mother cannot force you to be close to your stepsister; punishing you is only going to have the opposite effect. I can’t help but get the feeling your mom’s husband married to provide a family and extended family for your stepsister (He is not close to his family.

Failed to repair his relationship with them, no contact with bio mom’s side of the family). I would not be surprised if your stepsister tries or has tried to tag along when you visit your dad’s side of family.

Do you think the user’s reaction to his stepsister’s questions was justified, or should he have tried harder to bridge the gap with his stepfamily? How would you handle pressure to bond with new family members? Share your thoughts below!