AITA for calling out my step dad’s side of the family after they have disrespected me for over 10 years?

A 16-year-old Redditor shares how she finally stood up to her stepdad’s side of the family after enduring over a decade of body-shaming and exclusion. Despite her strong bond with her stepdad, his mother and sister have consistently treated her as an outsider, culminating in a heated exchange when she declined to attend a Christmas gathering. She cut off contact after the confrontation, but now the family demands an apology.

‘ AITA for calling out my step dad’s side of the family after they have disrespected me for over 10 years?’

I am Female and I am 16. Close to 17. My mother had me when she was 17, and I’ve never had my birth dad in my life for the whole 16 nearly 17 years of my life ever since I can remember it’s been my step dad. For personal reasons I’ll call him mark. His been my only ideal father figure in my life and I have called him dad for 15 and half years.

I will continue to call him dad as me and him have a good father daughter relationship even after him and my mum had my half brother. He made sure I didn’t feel left out in the family. But.. marks mother and sister have always made me feel like an outsider. I know I will be an outsider to them to begin with but with Mark being my step dad for 15 and half years I thought they’d count me as family.

But they haven’t they’ve gone from bodyshaming me to not even bothering to get me a christmas or birthday card or gift, but will get them for my half brother and step dad and mum. Around this time of year is when my step dad’s mum does a christmas dinner and gift exchange and I did go even when I knew they’d make me watch everyone open gifts and cards etc and they all joked about it.

But now I’m older I think they do it because I am not blood. But for around 4 months I’ve been missing family gatherings and BBQ’s because I’m not going to go and get disrespected and insulted for either eating or being on my phone or being too happy or helping out.

And they thought I was being a ungrateful teen until they invited me, my step dad, half brother and mother to her christmas gift and dinner exchange thing and I said I wasn’t going and she asked step dad to pass the phone to me and I put her on speaker so my mother and step dad could hear what she was saying to me and she insulted me straight up saying something about my weight with the lines ‘your most likely going to eat everything’ when she said that something inside snapped and I kind of went off on her saying the lines of:

” why the hell are you commenting on my weight when you’re 10 times the size of me. Why you making me feel like I don’t belong when I’m around you. You treat me like I’m a nobody so the reason I don’t want to come is because you dont like the idea about mark bringing me up like his own daughter when I’m a strangers child.

Do your self a favour and don’t talk to me unless you grow up” I hung up and passed the phone and my mother was laughing as she went through similar of what I have but it was only for the fact she kept me when my birth dad didn’t want me. And my step dad was surprised but he knew I was right and he said I wouldn’t have to apologise.

I do understand I shouldn’t have said that in that way but I was done with taking their poop for so many years I just couldn’t take it anymore. I’ve cut full contact and have been staying at my aunts (mother’s younger sister) as they’ve been going to my step dad’s and mothers house to talk to me to make me apologise but I haven’t been there. Am I wrong?.

UPDATE: It’s the day after Christmas and since I said that to marks side of the family I’ve had messages of different numbers and calls to apologise I kept to my ground to apologies and I am glad I went to my aunts as most was going to my parents house to force me to apologise one when as far as saying “if she doesn’t apologise I’ll make her apologies myself.”

So I’m glad I’m staying at my aunts as they don’t know where she lives nor cares about my mom’s side. My mum has called me to say she’s sorry for not seeing sense and to come home but I’ve also said no to her as I don’t want to be harassed by them. If they keep doing it I will be contacting the police. They also pushed the birthday exchange onto my birthday.

Which I don’t mind because the only person that will go would be mark and I messaged him to say “you can go to your mums thing and take *brothers name* as it’ll be nice I’m most likely going to stay at *Aunts name* anyway” he seemed to of not liked that message and continued to call me ‘ungrateful’ and a ‘b**ch’. Which I did not like.

I understand I should be home for my birthday to spend it with them but I don’t want to go home and marks family all come over and force me to apologies when I no longer feel sorry. I’m much more happier at my aunts and I have all my stuff there and I feel free and comfortable and welcome into her family with her fiancé and three kids and me and the oldest kids who are younger then me are like sisters as me and them have always grew up together.

My aunt also agreed with lots of you saying that my parents are in the wrong as well as marks side of the family. Thank you for all the support. I’ll update a if anything else happened.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

embopbopbopdoowop −  NTA. You don’t want to hear this, but your parents are the biggest AHs for allowing this to continue for so long. If my child was left out of the gift exchange, we’d ALL be leaving the gift exchange. Immediately. The first and only time. They might agree you were right this time, but it should have been them standing up to it in the first place, and it should have been long ago.

LowBalance4404 −  NTA, but I blame your step dad for this. He should have put his foot down a long time ago and insisted that you were either treated like family or he wasn’t going to attend either. He’s the real villain in this story.

AgitatedDot9313 −  NTA and dont apologize for anything here. Also, you shouldnbe aware that both your step father and your mom are AH’s here. They know exactly whats going on with his family’s treatment of you, yet they are doing nothing. They shouldnt be attending ANY event with that family if they arent including you. Thats really s**tty of them and personally, i would be more upset with them in this situation that Marks family. They chose to exclude you but your parents let them get away with it.

bokatan778 −  NTA, but honestly your mom and Mark are huge assholes for not addressing this ever after all these years. They should NOT have subjected you to this a**orrent behavior all these years. So sorry OP and good for you for standing up for yourself and recognizing that the behavior wasn’t okay!

BoredofBin −  NTA! Well, someone had to be the bearer of truth and who better than you? Mark’s mother and sister needed to hear that after the years of disrespect they have dished out for you. You did nothing wrong, in fact quite the opposite. Great job defending yourself.

frozenbroccolis −  NTA but your parents and especially your stepdad are huge AH’s for accepting this and letting it go on so long. The very first time you went and they all had gifts for everybody except you, your parents should’ve walked out and never returned.

ACM915 −  NTA- but Mark knew this was happening so your stepfather is a total AH for not having your back and his mother’s behavior from the very beginning. There is zero reason for this woman to be treating a child like unwanted trash. I’m glad you stood up for yourself and I would go no contact with his side of the family.

AnitaTacoTwo −  NTA. Sounds like Mark’s mother needed to hear it. And your parents support you, which is great! Good you stood up for yourself. Don’t give it another thought. And Merry Christmas!

wlfwrtr −  NTA and not wrong. You finally stood up for yourself and while mom and stepdad hasn’t stood up for you all these years at least they are standing by you now and agreeing there won’t be an apology. Stand strong.

Necessary_Internet75 −  NTA, but if your Aunt is an ally talk more in depth of what has happened all these years. Nothing about your situation is right, except you. Take time to organize it by writing letters or notes. Then have your Mom and ‘Mark’ and your brother come to your Aunt’s and let them know how badly they failed you. How they allowed you to be abused.

I include your brother because he needs to understand how wrong everyone is here. Everyone but you. I cannot express how much my heart breaks for you over the years. Your Parents failed you so badly. They are meant to protect you as a child. Instead they allowed Mark’s family to abuse you.

Yes, the b**lying, name calling, demeaning you, etc. is abuse and your Parents allowed it to happen. I hope you have or find a stable person, therapist if you choose, that understands what healthy relationships are to help you navigate.