AITA for calling out my mom for wanting to go against my sister’s will and for refusing to give something of my sister’s to our half siblings?

A Redditor shared a difficult story about the strained relationship with their mother after their sister’s passing. The Redditor’s sister left a will that excluded their mother and half-siblings, leaving everything to the Redditor. When their mother insisted on splitting the belongings with the half-siblings, the Redditor called her out for disregarding their sister’s wishes and disrespecting her memory. Now, they’re questioning if they were wrong for standing their ground. To get the full story, read more below…

‘ AITA for calling out my mom for wanting to go against my sister’s will and for refusing to give something of my sister’s to our half siblings?’

My sister (22) died this year. I (16m) knew she was sick but our mom didn’t and neither did our stepdad. My sister wasn’t talking to mom when she died. When she turned 18 she moved out of the house and she crashed with friends for almost a year. Then she moved in with some of her friends and they shared an apartment. When she left she took everything that was hers.

All her stuffed animals, her scrapbooks (she’s scrapbooked since she was 5), her books, her makeup stuff and any jewelry she had. Mom actually screamed at her as my sister was leaving because it was pretty clear she wasn’t coming back with all the stuff she was taking. I don’t think they ever spoke again. If they did it wasn’t often and it didn’t end good.

The reason my mom and sister’s relationship was so bad is mom never forgave my sister for telling me all about our dad and how much he loved both of us. She said it a lot more when mom met stepdad. My sister wanted me to remember I had a dad and she didn’t want me to think he was something I never had before because even though I didn’t remember I had a dad who loved me.

Mom was hurt. My sister was also hurt because she said 2 years was super fast and felt wrong when mom wanted us to call him dad. The relationship was hurt more when my mom had our half siblings and my sister still said I was her only sibling and she told mom they would never matter to her.

I think mom thought my sister would start to love our stepdad and things would be fine, but she didn’t, and I never saw my stepdad as my dad and I always felt differently about my half siblings. I admit it could be my sister’s influence but it’s how I feel still and mom resents my sister for it. She never got the perfect family again like she wanted and my sister was glad it didn’t happen. She used to argue with mom that it was disrespectful to our dad to try and slot someone else into his role in every way.

So our life’s a mess and my sister’s d**th was something mom has struggled with. When she found out I knew my sister was sick she was even more upset because I got to say goodbye but nobody else did. But what really bothered her was my sister had a will when she died. And she left everything to me.

And left her lawyer in charge of it with instructions for me to be given it when I turn 18 and not before. So mom gets nothing and neither do our half siblings. Mom tried to ask if my sister could do that at her age and when she had other siblings but she can and more than one lawyer told her that.

When she had given up on the legal side working for her she started telling me to split the stuff with my half siblings. She said my half siblings don’t deserve to be without anything to remember my sister by. And she said it’s on me now to be better than my sister was and to accept the family we have. She said I’ll never have another sibling if I don’t accept my half siblings and she told me there’s nothing legally wrong with me sharing the stuff with my half siblings when I get them. She keeps saying it’s the right thing to do.

When she brought me for a drive where she wouldn’t stop talking about it I kind of lost my temper and I called her out for trying to go against my sister’s will and told her she was disrespecting her memory. I told her I’m not sharing my sister’s stuff with my half siblings either. I told her she’s only making me want to leave when I turn 18 like my sister did and that’s a little over a year away (I’m almost 17).

She told me our attachment to dad made her feel like we didn’t care about her ever. I told her the way she handles this stuff is so bad and makes things way more difficult. Before we got back to the house she brought up how my half siblings deserve better and how my sister ruined me.. AITA?

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

bigben7102 −  Sorry for your lost NTA your sister left you everything in her will what you do with it is your business it was very smart of her to have her lawyer hold everything until you turn 18.

thankyouforthepie −  Definitely not the a**hole. Your mum is though. My uncle left me his entire estate, afterwards his brother and my father, as executors, tried to ‘make it fair for everyone’ while not telling me anything about the contents of the estate. 2 years later I find out, through taking them to court, they’ve been spending my uncle’s inheritance on themselves, and spending it on stupid sh\*t like fancy restaurants or overseas trips.

Get a lawyer, make it clear you are not to be messed with. Preferably your sister’s lawyer. Who is the executor? That is important to know.. Very sorry for your loss.

kmflushing −  So she already drove one kid away, and now she’s working on doing the same to her second?. NTA. Good luck OP.

Bitter_Trees −  NTA. Your mom really likes alienating her oldest kids doesn’t she? First you sister and now on the way to doing so with you. Don’t give her a single thing when you get your sister’s possessions. Your sister left them to you for a reason.

maleficentwasright −  So from what I gather, your dad passed and within 2yrs your mum had met/moved in/married your stepdad and your sister rebelled *hard* because she wasn’t ready & was still grieving… and your mum just carried on? The stuff is yours. It doesn’t matter if its a scrap of paper or a necklace it belongs to you and only you.

Your mum is being a total h**ocrite too. Your sister kept the memory of your dad alive for you cos you were too young to have your own memories of him. But now wants you to do what she was called out for with your half siblings cos they sound young enough to not remember or only have a few memories of your sister, who they haven’t seen in years.

Your mum made this mess. This isn’t your responsibility to clean it up or lie to the younger kids that your sister loved them or wanted them to have things of hers. If she focused on her kids *feelings and needs* more than her own for once, things might not have gone so bad with your sister and won’t go the same way with you.. NTA. I’m sorry for your loss.

Sweet-Interview5620 −  NTA I’m sorry for your loss, I’m sorry your mum hasn’t learned a thing and is now so intently blind on running you out of her life to. I’m glad your sister was smart enough to ensure her things are kept away from your mum. Please make sure when you do finally get everything to nkt bring it into your mums house. I guarantee she will break into your room and take whatever she wants for her other children.

I Sorry she is still letting down your sister that instead of mourning her loss she’s vehemently blaming her for her failure as a parent. Stick to your convictions. It doesn’t sound like your sister made you like this more you reacted to seeing your mum trying to over ride everything and everyone and force what she wants on everyone.

It’s clear if you don’t do what she wants she punishes you and treats you badly. Im sorry for your loss and truly sorry the only parent you remember is so blindly failing you and selfish. It’s clear she cares more about her new family and doesn’t care she’s destroyed her older family.

FantasticCabinet2623 −  NTA, absolutely NTA. Your mom is so bent on her perfect family delusion she’s hellbent on pushing you away too. Honestly, OP, I would start quietly preparing to leave now. Get a part-time job, save what you can in an account your mom doesn’t have access to.

Look into your options after 18 – it doesn’t have to be college, it can also be trade school or even the military (plenty of jobs involve no combat and can leave you with very useful career skills. I’d look at Air Force, then the other branches, all the non-combat MOSes, or ROTC for college). Be prepared to get the hell out and away if you need to. And I agree with the other commenter – do NOT put your sister’s precious things anywhere your mom can access.

Rent a storage locker or keep them at a friend’s place but don’t bring them to her house. She WILL steal them. I’m so sorry for your loss snd that your mom is making it worse.

TaisharMalkier69 −  NTA. Your mom is soooo wrong in all of this. She is m**ipulative and conniving. Your mother is poisoning you against the memory of your lost loved ones. What kind of mother does that? Your sister was way more intelligent than her young years. She left and cut contact and moved away from this toxicity.. I suggest you plan to do the same.

Gl0ri0usTr4sh −  I just want to say because I haven’t seen it said here; if you feel you have no support network, you’re free to reach out to me honey. I kind of ‘adopt’ lost souls and strays and walkaways. If you no longer have a family you are always welcome in mine, no matter where you’re from or how old you are. One of my ‘kiddos’ is older than me by a substantial amount and I still call her every single holiday and her birthday to tell her Mama loves her and is so f**king proud of her because her bio mother won’t so Goddamit I *WILL*.

If you feel alone, pm me. Not just OP, but anyone who feels alone or without a family this year. Join mine. We’ll always welcome you with warm open arms, a smile and a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on. Holiday Mama is in session.

sheneededahero −  Definitely NTA. I wish I could give you a hug. This is way too much for a 16 year old to have to deal with. Sending lots of love.

Do you think the Redditor was justified in defending their sister’s wishes, or should they have considered their mother’s feelings more? How would you navigate the emotional complexity of being caught between family dynamics and legal obligations? Share your thoughts below!