AITA for calling out my kids’ future stepmom for treating me like a surrogate?

A woman who is 24 weeks pregnant with twins by her ex, Joe, is struggling with boundaries from Joe’s girlfriend, Kim. After Joe and Kim reconciled, they both seemed thrilled about the pregnancy, especially since Kim has fertility issues and wouldn’t be able to conceive naturally. However, Kim began acting as if the twins were hers, suggesting how the woman should give birth, how to feed the babies, and even requesting the babies call her “Mama.”

Things escalated when Kim started posting on social media as if she were the expectant mother, including announcing the twins’ genders, throwing a gender reveal party, and planning a baby shower—all without the mother’s involvement.

Finally, the woman reached her limit and publicly called out Kim, informing her and Joe that neither had any custody rights or claims until after the babies were born. This led to backlash, with Kim’s mother even suggesting she “give” one of the babies to Kim, as if it were a trade. Now, the woman wonders if she was too harsh in asserting her boundaries.

‘ AITA for calling out my kids’ future stepmom for treating me like a surrogate?’

I [29F] dated a guy Joe (30M) for 3 months before he left me to go back to his ex Kim (30F). Right after we broke up I found out I was pregnant and now I’m at 24 weeks. I let him know and he was ecstatic. Turns out his girlfriend had fertility issues and would likely never be able to get pregnant naturally and he has always wanted to be a father. Getting back together was out of the question for both of us so he’s still with his girlfriend.

Joe was only allowed at the initial appointment we found out I was having twins. According to Joe when he told Kim she had a mental breakdown about her infertility, and wanted to talk to me. I met them at their house and Kim stated that she wanted to be involved in my pregnancy because she would eventually be the children’s stepmother.

She started telling me that I needed to do a home birth, that I needed to formula feed so that they could have the babies half of the week, that she wanted one boy and one girl, and that she wanted the kid to call her Mama since they would be calling me Mommy. I shut her down and said I would make the best choices for my children and my body and left.

Kim continued to be overbearing and texting me everyday about my eating habits, exercise habits, and bitching about how her job wouldn’t let her take maternity leave. At the virtual genetics counseling appointment, she attended instead of Joe and took over the whole meeting trying to talk about her family history which wasn’t relevant.

When it came time for my 20 week level 2 scan, they allowed me one guest and Joe suggested I take Kim instead of him, which I refused to do. Joe did end up coming and he found out the gender because I wanted to keep it a surprise for me so we could throw a gender reveal party.

I put a pregnancy announcement on my social media and then she put up an announcement saying they were expecting twins “the non-traditional way” and how blessed she was. I was irritated but I kept my mouth shut. Then she threw a gender reveal party and posted it on social media. I wasn’t even invited. She also announced that she’s having a baby shower.

I commented on her posts and told her to stop treating me like a surrogate, that the kids weren’t hers, and that Joe didn’t have any claim or custody of the kids until they are born. I then called Joe and reiterated all of this and stated that I would not be seeing either of them until we went to family court and that my mother would be my birthing partner.

He and Kim and some of her friends and family are saying I’m an a**hole and her mother even called and insisted I give her one of my babies like this is the Parent Trap? So AITA?

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

nomuppetyourmuppet −  Shmuh-smortion.

MSAutarkia −  Uh, I am very sad to say but it seems like you actually need to let all ideas of healthy co-parenting go and 1) lawyer up NOW, 2) have them both in your AND YOUR KIDS‘ life as little as possible and in order to archive this, idk, 3) move somewhere else while you still can and have the right to do so?

I know, that sounds like a serious d**k move and the kids have a right to their father. However, they both sound 100% not trustworthy. They sound like they actually do view you as a surrogate and will try to steal your kids from you. Not in the kidnapping kind of way probably but slowly.

Keeping them for a little longer than issued by court, not dropping them off when agreed, telling them from birth on to call them mommy and daddy and to call you Your-Name. I seriously think your responsibility is to protect the kids from emotional harm. Alienation is emotional abuse. In a way it‚s good the two of them are showing their true colors NOW because you can consider it as a warning for how much more is to come.

It might not be necessary to fully cut them from your lives forever but for NOW it is necessary. You need the boundaries now and from there mayyyyybe something can be worked out. Start with Getting a lawyer. Start with removing them from social media and blocking their phone numbers, if necessary get a new one and don‘t give it to them.

Again: You need to protect your kids. And this sounds like the prelude to some very confusing, hurtful, harmful try for alienation waiting for your kids. They might not be born yet but you need to protect them already now.
Anyway, very obvious NTA and I have no ideas why you‘d think otherwise.

mphsnative −  NTA. Sounds like Kim will straight up try to steal the babies if/when she gets a chance. And WTheAF is Kim’s mom thinking with just give one baby to Kim?! The twins aren’t a candy bar you can break in half and share with someone. But I agree with everyone else. Lawyer up. Document. Block #’s and SM. Don’t tell Joe anything else until after the babies are born.

Moom7900 −  I firmly believe that, without any worrying circumstances, children have a right to a relationship with their father and vice-versa.. However… In this particular situation, everything in me would suggest moving to another state/country/planet and cutting all contact with these crazies.

Your babies need a safe and secure life with you far more than they need any sort of toxic or smothering contact with the lunatics who are treating you this way. Neither the ex, his GF or her family are behaving normally, and I would recommend getting your babies far away from them all and giving them no rights that they can attempt to manipulate. This sounds scary and abnormal.

Sorry you’re having to go through this, OP, but it’s a real situation that requires real action. You’re definitely NTA, in fact you need to react against this MORE and keep your babies away from them.. Good luck with your babies x. Edit: spelling

chapeskie −  NTA. I don’t know if you’ll see this at this point, u/Throwaway-twinmama but you may want to delete this whole thing ASAP. This is about to get messy and I’ve seen lawyers on other threads/subs recommending that folks do not post details and do their best to delete posts etc to avoid giving any fodder to “the other side”.

This sub goes viral all the time, there’s a very real chance Kim or Joey could end up seeing it and as much as we’d all like to see updates, you gotta do everything you can to cover your ass at this point. I’m so sorry you’re going through all this while pregnant. I truly hope you and your babies stay safe and healthy and all of our dire predictions end up completely wrong.

steph109 −  Man this is like some sort of lifetime movie, op you are NTA but please be careful op.

Limerase −  NTA. This kind of behavior is straight-up creepy. Absolutely get a lawyer and collect all physical material you can for evidence. Also, consider having the lawyer subpoena the genetics counselor for a statement about her behavior at the appointment.. And nurse just to spite her.

Popular_Extension −  Just as every reply on here is…NTA. This is some crazy s**t, like “The Hand That Rocked The Cradle” crazy s**t.. Please post an update!

Bubbly_Satisfaction2 −  OP, NTA. This s**t is creepy to the point that I would be contemplating about Joe having his parental rights stripped from him by a family court judge, if I was in OP’s shoes.