AITA for Calling Out My Dad’s Wife for Feeding Him 7-Hour-Old Oatmeal Instead of the Fresh Food I Made?
A Redditor shared her frustration after her father’s wife fed him 7-hour-old oatmeal instead of the fresh Puerto Rican food she prepared for him. Her 83-year-old father recently underwent surgery and has been craving the rice and beans she made, but his wife ignored this and chose to serve him the old oatmeal.
The Redditor called out her father’s wife and even checked with the nurse about the food situation. Now, she’s wondering if she overreacted. Read her story below.
‘ AITA for Calling Out My Dad’s Wife for Feeding Him 7-Hour-Old Oatmeal Instead of the Fresh Food I Made?’
I am a 55F. My Dad (83 M) had surgery last week to remove a cancerous tumor in his digestive tract.. My Mom passed away 17 years ago and he married a younger woman who I have never been a fan of (feeling is definitely mutual)but I tolerate in order to have a relationship with my Dad.
Since his surgery a week ago all he’s asked for is rice & beans – he’s 100% Irish but having been married 38 years to my Mom who was 100% Puerto Rican he absolutely LOVES Puerto Rican food.
He’s been on basically a liquid diet until yesterday after a second procedure and was given the green light to eat solid food. He had a late lunch about 2pm. I immediately went home and cooked for him and my daughters brought it up to the hospital.
She had my dad call me AT 5 to say he had eaten his hospital dinner and was full – less than 3 hours after he had lunch. My daughters had the nurses put it in the fridge – I had already put his name and the date on it.
Visited this morning and he didn’t have an appetite- his hospital breakfast tray was sitting there and I had brought him breakfast from the diner as well….all he had was coffee.
I left a note in his room and even asked the nurse assistant who came into his room if she could offer him the rice for lunch. I TEXTED his wife the same. Got this text to me/my siblings from the wife after she finally showed up to the hospital after 2 pm.. Your Dad wasn’t hungry today.
Around 2:00, he had oatmeal with chocolate chips & an Ensure Chocolate Protein Shake & a cup of tea. He is quite full now. He still has some pain/soreness. He is managing his pain without pain meds.. So I replied:
I hope not that oatmeal that was sitting out from this morning? Her response:The oatmeal was covered & still good. It was super heated & melted his chocolate chips. I called the nurses station to ask why my Dad would be allowed to eat food from a tray at least 6 hours old.
Turns out WIFE asked nurse to heat up the 7 hour old oatmeal – and HE ASKED FOR his RICE & BEANS and she (wife) just LAUGHED???!!!! Nurse told me she’s making sure tray is gone and she seemed a bit annoyed at the situation . She says she’s going to heat it up and bring it to him.
I called and spoke to him – I asked if his appetite was back and he told me he ate the oatmeal. Asked him why he didn’t eat the rice instead and he said he forgot. Which is NOT true bc the nurse told me he asked for it when wife asked to have the oatmeal heated up!
I made sure to tell the nurse she fed him the old oatmeal absolutely on purpose so he wouldn’t eat the food I made ….Nurse is aware He’s been asking for rice & beans.
I didn’t tell her initially what it was I just said I dropped off dinner to him last night and it’s in the fridge. She asked ME if it was rice !!!! Pretty sure feeding an elderly man hours old food that was sitting in a window just to be spiteful is proof who the a**hole is.. AM I THE A**HOLE?
Here’s what Redditors had to say:
Antelope_31 − Nta. She clearly is. Hope he gets better soon. Also hope you are the named beneficiary to whatever accounts/assets he wants you to have. And there’s a trust he set up where she’s not the named trustee. And you have copies. And medical poa in the event he can’t make decisions. After this I wouldn’t trust her with anything, ever. You know she’ll change any will in her favor at the last second, but beneficiaries come before heirs in wills. NAL.
peonyhen − An 83 year old man has just had gastro surgery, and you’re surprised the first things he is eating are oatmeal and protein shakes?
Just because he’s been asking for rice and beans, doesn’t mean that’s what he should be eating at this point.
There’s an awful lot of OP “telling” the nurses what should be done, and a fair bit of the wife “telling” what should be done, but if he’s in hospital post-op, the nurses and hospital are going to be focused on what OP’s dad needs. And certainly not getting in the middle.of a spat about rice and beans that appears to be taking way too much of every bodies emotional energy. ESH (except Dad).
Firm-Raspberry9181 − NTA. And new wife sounds petty. But – you need some perspective. The hospital nurses are overworked. They don’t want family drama, and it’s not their role to manage meals. The surgeon orders the diet and a dietary service brings the food and takes the tray away later. If a nurse or aid heated anything up, they were likely going out of their way to help.
You don’t want to be the demanding family member that treats nurses like waitstaff. If it’s *very important to you* that dad has rice and beans, bring the hot rice and beans at mealtime. Or make it for him as soon as he gets out. This is one of those “if you want it done right, you gotta do it yourself” situations.
ginandtonicthanks − YTA – Have you actually discussed with the doctors and nurses what it’s appropriate for a geriatric patient who just had a cancerous tumor removed from his digestive tract to be eating? Chances are that the rice and beans are not on the list at this moment. After GI surgery the hospital is likely giving your dad a very specific diet for very specific reasons.
audible_smiles − It sounds like you guys are using food to fight for the dominant place in your dad’s life. That is really childish. I hope you can both chill out a little, but after 17 years that’s probably a lost cause. ESH.
Lovethemdoggos − YTA. I get that you’re worried about your dad and your animosity towards his wife is sharpening because of the fear and worry you have about your dad. But. He just had major surgery, a second major surgery, he was on a liquid diet until very recently, he can’t eat much, and you’re trying to stuff him with food that is almost certainly not on the approved list of foods.
And there will be an approved list for someone who’s had these surgeries and is in hospital. Unless he’s on his deathbed and it doesn’t matter what he eats because he’ll be dead before he has to deal with the consequences, they’ll want to be careful about what he eats so as to allow his system to ramp up to normal.
Just because he wants a certain food doesn’t mean he can have it. Rice and beans? And then you bring him diner food the next day?? WTF? Those are not smart food choices for someone in his situation. He’ll be able to have all these foods he’s asking for soon enough, and you can give him the food you make then. But until then, back off from this pissing contest.
Ok-Classroom5548 − YTA. Read the recommended and safe foods for your dad after gastric surgery – the oatmeal was safer than the beans. Low fiber foods are recommended. Check with the doctor. Stop demanding everyone do what you say – just because someone asked for beans doesn’t mean they should eat them.
Either actually be present for the care and follow the rules or stop questioning the rules people follow that are correct. Your dad should have had easy foods and a milkshake at most. No spices!!!. It’s gastro/stomach surgery!!!! I would be so pissed if you brought foods he can’t have just because he asked against the rules and against his wife’s care. You are not his wife. He married a person who is following the food rules.
eventually428 − YTA for putting the nurse in your drama.
itammya − Meh soft YTA only because I get where you’re coming from in that you want dad to eat good food. The problem is rice and beans is generally not allowed after a gastro surgery. Same with cruciferous vegetables. The body has a difficult time digesting these foods. In fact, simple soft foods like oatmeal is likely better for his stomach than heavy rice and beans.
omeomi24 − Not sure – she is his WIFE and since you have ‘never been a fan’ we can assume they’ve been married to some time. You don’t give her age or length of marriage. Hospital staff don’t have time for family drama. What is important is that your father is eating.
He’s 83 – so he may have forgotten he asked for rice and beans. No, he should not eat oatmeal left out more than 2 hrs but asking him why he didn’t eat this instead of that is not necessary when the man is recovering from surgery.
Maybe you should just let his wife feed him for now and only take food to him when pre-arranged or you are going to be there when he eats it. Some here will sympathize and say you are right and she’s a witch. But – she’s his wife
Do you think she was right to call out her dad’s wife for ignoring his food requests, or was it an overreaction given the situation? How would you handle such a delicate family dynamic? Share your perspective!
